Recently, in Xuzhou, Jiangsu Province, Ms. Zhang prepared a cake full of textbooks for her son at the 11th birthday party for him. Ms. Zhang said that the cake was originally Pikachu, but thinking that the child was about to take the final exam and play games every day, she temporarily changed it herself, reminding him to review well, and the child collapsed and cried after seeing it.
Ms. Zhang posted a video of the child collapsing and crying on social platforms, causing controversy among netizens. Some netizens believe that when the child has a birthday, he is still urging the child to review well, affecting the child's mood, and the mother's approach is inappropriate. So, how can parents properly supervise their children's learning? The reporter of China Youth Network interviewed some of the parents of the children and Chen Chen, a professor and doctoral supervisor of the School of Psychology of Nanjing Normal University, to support the parents.
Ms. Zhang prepared a birthday cake full of textbooks for her son. Screenshots of the network
What effect does the act of filling the cake with textbooks have on children?
Wisteria works in Nantong, Jiangsu Province, is the mother of a child, when she saw the news that "the mother inserted the textbook on the cake and the child collapsed and cried", she felt that the mother's approach in the news was inappropriate. "The child's birthday should have been a particularly warm and beautiful moment, but this mother actually filled the birthday cake with textbooks, which is inappropriate."
She believes that this way of education by mothers will only make children sad and sad, so that children can realize that mothers do not care about themselves but good grades. This kind of over-focus on academic performance by mothers makes children prone to emotional outbursts, causing super pressure on children, which in turn will produce greater boredom.
Wisteria working in Nantong, Jiangsu Province. Courtesy of respondents
Chen Chen believes that from the perspective of immediacy, the birthday cake prepared by the mother for the child in this news is full of textbooks, which makes the child collapse and cry. The child's tears were clearly not out of joy, but out of sadness. Therefore, the above behavior of the mother also makes the child experience a variety of negative emotions.
"The child's heart must be full of grievances and disappointment. It was his birthday, and birthdays were usually a different and special day than usual, and people who celebrated birthdays usually received gifts and got happy and unexpected surprises. She said that the birthday cake prepared by the mother full of textbooks was not a surprise that the child expected. The child's heart must also be full of frustration. "He may think, study every day, write homework every day, and soon enter the tense final review, can't you relax on the day of your birthday?"
Chen Chen believes that it is not wrong for mothers to remind their children to take their studies seriously and final exams, which is the responsibility of parents. But the mother's behavior is obviously more from her own point of view, and she does not feel the same way about the child.
Chen Chen said that many studies in psychology have shown that an empathetic and supportive parent-child relationship is an indispensable condition for promoting children's independent learning motivation, achieving high-level academic achievements, and maintaining mental health. For parents, empathetic, supportive parent-child relationships also help them maintain positive emotions.
Chen Chen, professor and doctoral supervisor of the School of Psychology of Nanjing Normal University. Courtesy of respondents
How can parents properly supervise their children's learning?
"Urging children to learn is more about encouraging and guiding, and about assisting and working together." Wisteria suggests that the correct supervision of children's learning, one is to play the role of parents as an example. Words are not as good as teaching by example, and parents' love of learning is the biggest encouragement. Children who grow up in a family environment with a strong learning atmosphere often have a strong interest in learning.
The second is to accompany the reading for a period of time. For children with poor self-discipline, parents can accompany them for a period of time to understand their children's learning situation, and help their children correct in time, teach the correct learning methods, and cultivate good learning habits. When the child wants to give up a certain learning, say to him: "Child, hold on a little longer, I will accompany you." ”
The third is to actively communicate with children. Communicate more with the child, listen to the child's opinion, understand the child's thoughts, understand the child's feelings, appropriately give them mental relaxation, so that when the child feels that when he encounters difficulties, he can get help instead of being punished.
The fourth is to praise and encourage children more, and less accusations and scolding. "Children also have self-esteem, and when their children's little progress is seen, they will be proud, so parents should not miss every opportunity worthy of praise."
Fifth, try to help children improve their grades. Interest in learning is reinforced after continuous improvement in grades, self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. "Teaching children how to acquire knowledge, even if it is to help children achieve progress in a certain subject, will also give children the confidence to learn other subjects well."
Chen Chen said that the problem of how parents correctly supervise their children's learning is essentially a question of how parents cultivate and stimulate their children's motivation to learn. A large number of studies in developmental psychology and motivational psychology have shown that parents' reasonable educational expectations, support for children's basic psychological needs to meet, and guidance of children's adaptive achievement goals are all effective strategies for cultivating and stimulating children's learning motivation.
She suggested that, first of all, parents should understand the characteristics of their children's psychological development and put forward reasonable educational expectations. Parents have good expectations for their children's academic development, but educational expectations are too low and too high, which is not conducive to children's academic achievements. Too low educational expectations are difficult to stimulate children's learning potential, and too high educational expectations are easy to increase children's learning anxiety and helplessness. Only by carefully observing and understanding the child's cognitive characteristics, ability level and personality characteristics can parents set reasonable educational expectations to ensure that the child can achieve and continue to make progress through hard work.
Second, parents should meet their children's basic psychological needs and stimulate their autonomous learning motivation. Children have various psychological needs. Motivational psychologists believe that the need for autonomy, the need for competence, and the need for relationships are the three most basic psychological needs that individuals have. In the process of children's learning and growth, if parents can give children the freedom of choice at the beginning, give children positive learning feedback and effective strategies to solve problems, love children, care for children, and give unconditional positive attention to children, then children will usually show intrinsic learning motivation. Even if the parents did not achieve the above supportive behaviors at the beginning, as long as they reflected and improved in time to meet the above basic psychological needs of the children, the children will still show the motivation to learn autonomously.
Third, parents should guide their children to position the achievement goal or learning goal in the mastery of knowledge and the development of ability, as far as possible to weaken the ability to show ability through comparison with others or avoid the lack of ability to show. The former belongs to the goal of mastering tendencies, and the latter belongs to the goal of representation. "Numerous studies in motivational psychology, including my own, have shown that students who hold the goal of mastering tendencies tend to show intrinsic interest in learning, employ deep learning strategies, experience positive academic emotions such as joy, pride, and hope more often, and are more actively engaged in learning activities."
Finally, parents should lead by example and become helpers and supporters of their children's learning. The child is the master of learning, but this does not mean that the parents are only bystanders and supervisors of the child's learning. On the contrary, when parents put forward clear requirements for their children's learning behavior and learning habits, if they can practice what they preach and integrate knowledge and action, they can play an exemplary role in their children's learning and help and support their children's learning with practical actions. Parents who love to learn are more likely to raise children who love to learn.
Source: Qing Xiaoxiao (ID: zqwqxx) reporter Li Huaxi
Editor-in-charge: Song Jing
Review: Wang Longlong
Review: Wang Cenyu
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