The philosopher Schopenhauer said, "When talking to others, we must restrain the impulse to correct others, even if we do so out of good intentions." ”
In the face of different views, many people like to persuade and correct in the name of being good for each other. As a result, there was a dispute.
In a period of communication, it is never by imposing one's will on others, but by seeking common ground while reserving differences, giving others the right to speak, and giving others a step down.
As a person, sharpness is not necessarily talented, and great wisdom and foolishness must be wise.
An adult's ability to control himself from correcting other people's desires is the rarest form of self-discipline.
01
The fool is good at correcting, and the wise know how to tolerate
I remember that in many meetings or gatherings, some people spoke to the end, and they did not forget to be humble: if there is something wrong, please criticize and correct. In other words, if there is indeed a mistake, often no one will correct it in person. Because everyone understands that this is a polite sentence, not the original intention of the person. Confucius once said: "His body is upright, and he does not act according to orders, and his body is not right, although he does not obey orders." Roughly speaking, if you have to correct others, you must be impeccable.
However, in life, those who are good teachers often have omnipotent mouths but empty brains.
The reason why it is convincing is that in the final analysis, it is to show desire to do evil; aggressive, nothing more than to want to occupy a place in the crowd.
As everyone knows, when a person's bosom cannot support desire, no matter how superior the momentum cannot hide the fragility of the heart.
The wise man, gentle in speech, majestic in aura, and the fool, who has the upper hand, has no wind.
When Wang Yangming was serving as a county commander in Luling, he caught a thief who committed heinous crimes.
His men tortured the thief, who resisted strongly and never gave in.
Wang Yangming decided to interrogate him personally, and the thief, with a posture of a dead pig who was not afraid of boiling water, said: "If you want to kill, you have to kill casually, don't talk nonsense!" ”
Wang Yangming said, "Well, I won't try it today." But it's hot, you take off your coat, let's talk. The thief said, "Take it off." ”
After a while, Wang Yangming said: "The weather is really hot, so why not take off your underwear?" The thief still didn't think so: "Bare arms are also common things, no big deal." ”
After a while, Wang Yangming said again: "My arms are all bare, so why not take off my underwear as well, and I won't feel comfortable without hanging on at all?" ”
The thief was not "bold" this time, and hurriedly waved his hand and said: "Inconvenient, inconvenient!" ”
Wang Yangming said, "What's inconvenient?" You are not afraid to die, do you still care about a pair of underwear? It seems that you still have a sense of shame and conscience, not nothing. ”
When the criminal heard this, he immediately gave in and confessed to the law.
You see, the heinous criminals are not undesirable, and Wang Yangming has only taken it in one fell swoop by digging up the shame of the great thief with a broad mind.
In fact, being recognized is the weakness of most people, and the most powerful thing to surrender a person is not the depreciation of killing determination, but the gentle and mighty appreciation.
There is a thought-provoking sentence in "Cai Gen Tan": "Do not blame people for their minor transgressions, do not send people to be selfish, do not think of old evils, the three can cultivate virtue, but also can be far away from harm." ”
This means that we should be magnanimous in our conduct, and not just catch the mistakes and shortcomings of others, so that we will only prove that our character is despicable and narrow-minded.
Tolerating words, tolerating people, and allowing others to know and correct mistakes is to benefit others and cross others to cross themselves.
02
Don't talk, don't do things
Scrambling is human instinct. And by correcting others to show that they are better, such a way can not avoid making people feel that the means are inferior. True high-ranking people will not use their mouths to cover their mouths and express their chests directly, so as to achieve the purpose of conquering people.
They just see through but don't say it thoroughly, in order to save face for people, but also to leave a way out for themselves.
Mr. Zhang Daqian, a famous master of ink painting, once painted a vivid "Green Willow Singing Cicada".
He gave the painting to another master, Qi Baishi, to taste, and Qi Baishi first expressed great affirmation of the painting:
"Mr. Daqian's painting is extremely evocative and a superb masterpiece."
Then, a little hesitantly, he said: "I used to draw cicadas, and I once asked an experienced farmer for advice, and he said that when cicadas are singing, their heads are all up, and there are very few cases of downwards."
Of course, this is only the farmer's side of the word, I have not personally seen it, and it is not necessarily correct. ”
Zhang Daqian put these words to his heart. When he went to the mountains to sketch, he deliberately observed carefully, and the cicadas were indeed singing with their heads held high.
Later, he told Qi Baishi about this experience. Qi Baishi smiled relievedly and said, "I have also observed!" ”
Zhang Daqian understood that there were no farmers at all, but a euphemism for Qi Baishi to correct his mistakes.
I have to admit that Qi Baishi is clever. In addition to the timeless works, the character is a model for future generations.
If a person can say whatever he wants, leave no room for it, do whatever he wants, regardless of the consequences. Even if his words and deeds are universal, they will hurt the innocent.
Nietzsche said: "Do not judge others indiscriminately, do not judge others easily, and do not gossip behind people." Thinking less about how others are is what good people do. ”
People intersect with each other, in fact, it is difficult for good people to do, they never talk and do things at will, but go into the mind, more bends, more kindness, more consideration of other people's situation.
03
Prudence in words and deeds is a kind of wisdom
The ancients said: "Shallow and deep, gentlemen abstain." ”
In exchanges, no matter how close you are, if you don't choose your words, you may incur a vendetta against each other, and if you speak reliably and have a rigorous attitude, you will be convinced and unquestionable for a long time.
But those who are a little wiser are cautious in their words and deeds, careful everywhere, they keep their eyes open, they open their mouths slowly, and they think twice before they act.
There is such a story in the Chronicle of History.
Fan Ju (jū) came to the Qin kingdom, and King Qin Zhao greeted him at the court.
The King of Qin told everyone left and right to retreat, leaving only him and Fan Ju, and he knelt down and begged, "What does the gentleman take to teach the widow?" ”
Seeing this scene, Fan Ju didn't say anything, only replied"Yes, yes." ”
After a while, the King of Qin requested again, but Fan Ju still only said, "Yes, yes." ”
After three rounds of questioning and answering, the King of Qin knelt down and asked Fan Ju, "Won't sir give the widow a lesson?" ”
Fan Ju apologized and said, "It is the courtiers who dare not do this." ”
It turned out that Fan Ju understood that being a lobbyist was not an easy task, and if he didn't get it right, it would lead to the disaster of killing himself.
He had just arrived in the Qin Kingdom, and he was a cloth cloth, and he had no friendship with the King of Qin, so he did not dare to make the mistake of "making shallow and deep words".
Therefore, he deepened his temptation and first found out what the King of Qin wanted to hear and what he wanted to do, before he dared to give his own opinion.
"Ghost Valley" has a saying: "Inside his body, those who speak outside his words are sparse; outside his body, those who speak deeply, are dangerous." ”
The translation is: the relationship is close, but the words are not intimate, the exchange will gradually drift away; the relationship is far away, but the taste is too heavy, and if you go deep into the internal situation, you will attract danger.
Walking in the rivers and lakes, no matter what you do or say, you can't be less worried and awe-inspiring, which is the golden key to ensure the smoothness and safety of life.
As the saying goes: it will be said to be ability, not wisdom, but the right silence is more reassuring.
True wise men, say three points, do seven points, point to the end, be careful in words and deeds.
04
In the "Augmented Sages", it is said: "Rebuke yourself with the heart of those who blame others, and forgive others with the heart of forgiveness."
If you can reflect on yourself when you blame others, you will understand that everyone has their own difficulties. If you can tolerate others as much as you tolerate yourself, you will have a lot less calculation in life.
It is said that good medicine is good for the sick, and advice is good for the ear.
In fact, it is not, the harsh "advice" hears too much, like a chronic consumption, deeply eroding us.
Correction cannot save a man, you are bitter, he is bitter; only gentle and elegant will not hurt.
In this world, everyone is an island, has their own position, has their own way of thinking.
Paying attention to the other person's current feelings, not in the name of love, inflicting evil intentions, is what a self-disciplined person does.