Many people may have noticed that those children who were brought up by their grandmothers when they were young, when they grew up, they were rarely close to their grandmothers, and more were closer to their grandmothers. But as a mother, I don't understand the reason behind this, and I will take my child to my mother's house to walk around, but what I didn't expect was that sometimes I would provoke my child's displeasure and even disgust.
01 When I was a child, I was brought up by my grandmother, and when I grew up, my mother brought me to visit the door, and the child was very resistant
When Ms. Zhang was a child, because the conditions at home were not very good, her mother-in-law also went out to work at that time, so she handed the child over to her mother to bring. Before the child is 10 years old, almost all of them grow up with their grandmothers. After this, the living conditions slowly improved, and Ms. Zhang no longer went out to work, but was responsible for taking care of the children at home.
After the child goes to high school, she does not go to her grandmother's house much, so Ms. Zhang will take the initiative to ask the child to follow her to her grandmother's house, once or twice is still cooperative, but once the number of times to go, the child will feel very disgusted, and even once the mother and son quarreled because of this problem.
Ms. Zhang is very incomprehensible, after all, the children were brought up by their grandmothers when they were young, how could they resist so much, the ugly point is the white-eyed wolf, she also blamed the child in this way. Unexpectedly, the child's words after that made her silent.
"For me, it's just a place to live, Grandma, she only likes my cousin, I've always had only been buried, you can't see, it's me who is wronged, she doesn't like me, what else do I do." I was still an extra burden for her, and I had one more burden to make her tired with her children! Grandma used to complain in front of me every day!"
Ms. Zhang was speechless for a while, she also knew her mother's personality, indeed the mother is a person who loves to complain, but also prefers her grandson, but what she did not expect was that she would complain in front of the child, and she did not expect that she would be so blatantly partial to the grandson, bringing such a big shadow to her child, since then, she will no longer force the child to go to her grandmother's house.
In fact, many children no longer grow up close to their grandmothers, and they are not willing to go to their grandmother's house often for a reason, and if they understand the reasons behind this, they may be able to understand their children.
02 Why didn't she get close to her grandmother when she grew up? The reasons the child didn't say were very sad
"Grandma loves her grandson more, I am a foreign surname", in the eyes of many older generations, grandchildren are their own family, and grandchildren are outsiders, such a traditional concept is very strong, but also led to many grandmothers' preference for children is obvious. In fact, children are very sensitive, even if they are only three or four years old, they will feel it, and the shadow left on the child will be deeper.
In the case of being treated differently, children will become very sensitive, and children do not dare to talk to their parents and parents, only dare to suppress the psychology of these grievances in the psychology, and over time they will become the "pain" in their hearts, and when they grow up, they will subconsciously resist going to get close to their grandmother. It is said that children know how to recognize people, and whoever is good to them, they will kiss whom, in fact, the same is true.
"My impression of my childhood is not very deep", the child's words are relatively hurtful to the heart of the grandmother, but it is also true that in the process of the child growing up, many memories will slowly fade, which also leads to the child's impression of the grandmother becoming less deep, even if the child may be very clingy to the grandmother, but if you do not grow up with the grandmother, then the feelings for the grandmother are not so deep, but there may be a sense of restraint when they meet again.
In addition, there is a traditional concept that "the daughter who marries out is like water spilled", which causes the child to feel that the mother's return to the mother's home is also like a guest, so it is difficult to get close to the grandmother, and always feels that she is like a guest, not her own family.
"I had more contact with my grandparents." When children grow up, most of them will be closer to their grandparents, mainly because they have more contact with their grandparents, and even if they do not live with their grandparents, they will visit their grandparents most of the time and visit their grandparents less often. Coupled with the "generation-skipping" pampering of grandparents, children are more willing to be close to grandparents.
Many children do not dare to put these words on the surface at will, because they are also afraid of hurting the hearts of the elderly. Of course, this is not to say that all children are reluctant to be close to their grandmothers, nor are all grandmothers partial to their grandchildren. Now there are also many grandmothers, who treat grandchildren and grandchildren equally, after all, there are only two or three children left in a family, and there are not many grandchildren and grandchildren, so each is a little baby.
Conclusion: Parents should educate their children well, guide their children correctly, not let children have wrong ideas, and cannot force children, everything must start from the children's ideas.