Excerpts from "The Best Way for Kids"
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During this time, he was not in good health and was hospitalized for a period of time.
On the day of the surgery, I always wanted to see my daughter, and I'm sure she must have been worried about me. The family understood my thoughts and took my daughter to the ward after school.
It had been six or seven hours since the end of the operation, and it was the time when anesthesia had hurt the most in the past, but I saw my daughter's mood much better. My daughter pounced on my bed and asked me, "Mom, what's wrong with you?" ”
"Surgery, but soon!" I answered her.
My daughter was bored after staying at my bedside for a while and told me that she wanted to buy something online because she couldn't usually see me, and now she wanted to use my mobile phone. I hesitated for a moment, or gave it to her, and then she started to pick her things on Taobao, and the nurse came in twice, and the daughter just looked up and smiled, and then began to "shop" again. She waited until they were leaving that she came to my bed again and got tired of me for a while!
I didn't think anything at the time, but after my daughter left, I suddenly thought of a question, if it was she who was sick, I came to see her, what would I be like?
I believe that I must have ignored anything, could not leave her at a glance, asked this and that, this is the mother. I was sick this time, and my mother was always in front of the bed, and every time I moved slightly, my mother would immediately run up to me and ask me if I was uncomfortable. At night, my pain was unbearable, and my mother accompanied me almost without sleep.
The mother is like this, she can give everything for the child, and in turn, can the child love the mother as much as the mother loves her?
After my daughter came to visit, I began to think seriously about this issue.
The daughter is the first child in the family, and since she came into this world, everyone has regarded her as a baby, almost living a life of wearing clothes to reach out and eat to open her mouth.
Once, my brother told me that my sister and grandfather were angry and would lose their temper. I was surprised at the time, because in my impression, my daughter was relatively gentle and how she could lose her temper. Later, I quietly observed and found that the child was actually very smart, she knew very well who was a bully in the family, and then picked up soft persimmons and pinched them.
These phenomena coupled with my daughter's performance in the hospital when I was sick. I made up my mind to pull her away, a child can not excel in academic performance, but must become a gentle and loving person.
When I was sick for a few days, I originally didn't want my child to always go to the hospital, but because of the little nine-nine in my heart, I let my child come to the hospital every day after class, and then I would deliberately show my child weakness, tell her what her mother had experienced, and make a good pain appearance. I was really not this character, and I could endure the pain on my own, but in order to educate my daughter, I wanted her to feel empathy.
I found that children are actually very kind, before we parents are too strong, you can come by yourself, children can not degenerate. As soon as I showed weakness, my daughter immediately became strong, and she began to prepare food for me, and when I got out of bed, she would take the initiative to help me, and when I lay there, she would look at me motionlessly.
Seizing this opportunity, I quickly made a request: "Mother is not in good health now, Grandma and Grandpa will have to have a lot of energy to take care of me, you have to take care of yourself, do you think it's okay?" ”
The daughter nodded vigorously.
I gave my daughter three chapters of the Law:
First, you must do your own things from now on, such as serving food, pouring water, cleaning up your desk, and preparing yourself for school the next day. Because these are your own things, parents have been helping you for eight years, and now you have to work!
Second, Grandma and Grandpa and Dad are old, and now the youngest person in the family is you, so we have to give you the burden, and every Saturday is the cleaning time, you have to learn to clean up the house and be a little housekeeper!
Third, after doing your own things well, you should pay more attention to your family, for example, before eating, you must first see if your parents have eaten, someone in the family has a cold, and you must try to take care of them!
My daughter listened very carefully, and the next thing was for us to persevere together.
I know that in our family, in fact, I don't really need her to do any work, my mother cleaned up the house very well, but I insist on cultivating my daughter's sense of responsibility from now on, and I can't finally raise a small "little white-eyed wolf".
Are there fewer such examples around you? Five years ago I interviewed a bus driver, the boy is in his 30s, his mother has been spoiled since he was a child, and he feels that he does not have enough money to spend after going to work. Began to swipe credit cards, at first it was a small loan, and then the hole became bigger and bigger, owing nearly 500,000 to the bank, and no interest was added. The old mother is 70 years old, and the monthly salary of 1,000 yuan is opened to immediately pay off the child's account, and when our program is still defending her son, it was really sad at that time.
There is also a Beijing girl, who is also spoiled from a small family, after talking about her boyfriend, she wants face, and even mortgages her parents' house and squanders the money. After the incident, her parents did not severely criticize her, and they still felt that she was too young to understand things, and the girl was 27 years old that year.
Children are completely malleable, and when parents take a step back, I find that my daughter has made great progress, not only doing her own things well, but also caring for her family. I have been reflecting on these days, why did not ask her this before, she is 8 years old, I realized the seriousness of the problem, if I do not realize it, maybe in the future is a small "white-eyed wolf".
In reality, how many parents have worked hard to give everything for their children in their lives, and the final return is extremely limited, and even in exchange for sad disappointment. In fact, we can't completely blame children, sometimes our education is a problem, fortunately, it is never too late to make up for it.
There is a view in psychology called "natural results". If a person is hungry, she will naturally go to find something to eat. If the child is hungry, the parents will find him food to eat, then it will make the child feel that "you can be used by him anytime and anywhere." In the future, once such a situation occurs, he will rely on the parents, which is actually depriving the child of the opportunity to grow.
For the growing child, as soon as there is a need to respond, the child will know your death pit, and when you are no longer willing to help him, he knows that as long as he shouts long and cries louder, you will definitely help him. Every time we helped him, we stopped her from growing.
The adult must be able to develop his own boundaries, he is hungry to eat, whose needs is this? Is it his needs, whose responsibility is it to solve his own needs? It's his. But if the adult has been helping him, he will feel that this is the responsibility of the adult, and the adult has the responsibility to meet his needs. He was also accidentally taught that his needs were the most important and that the needs of others were not.
Parents are also responsible for acts such as 30-year-olds still nibbling on the old and 27-year-olds selling houses for face.
Problem behaviors are trained carelessly.
Tell him that this is his business, teach him how to meet his own needs, help him grow up, this is the boundary that parents need to establish. Children will also develop responsible qualities and develop their own abilities in such boundaries.
This is what Professor Wu Lijuan has been emphasizing in the last issue of "The Golden Key to Effective Interaction - Parent-Child, Husband and Wife and Interpersonal Relationship Enhancement Workshop".
Most of today's parents are post-80s, this generation, the environment in which they grew up has changed dramatically, and the parenting style of their parents' generation is obviously no longer able to adapt to the current era.
Many parents also respond that there are more and more problems with children, and it is more and more difficult to educate children, in fact, many parents' problems in the eyes of their children may only remind parents to change their education methods.