Do you love life?

My article yesterday, "A Spicy Comment", triggered a heated discussion among several netizens.

The topic of "love of life" was mentioned in the discussion.

In the TV series "Little Shed", the principal of Fengfan Primary School said: "Children who love life will love learning." "And the purpose of education should be to make children love life more and more, not the other way around."

As a parent of a child with mental illness, I understand the weight of this sentence too well. Indeed, children who love life will automatically and spontaneously love learning, will have light in their eyes, have mountains and seas in their chests, and win at the finish line.

It is said that the parent is the original and the child is the copy. The child is just a mirror that projects the state of the parent's life.

So, we parents may wish to ask ourselves, do you love life yourself?

I bravely revealed that I used to be alive for a prison sentence and was always waiting. Wait for my husband to become more stable and able to care for me and take care of me. Wait for the child to grow up quickly. Waiting for retirement. The child suffers from mental illness and is waiting for the child to recover as soon as possible and return to the right track of life.

Now, after studying, I have determined that my original unhealthy life state has transmitted too much anxiety and stress to the child, which is also one of the reasons why the child suffers from mental illness.

Of course, I can defend myself, "missing dad, anxious mom," and my own native family. But what's the point? Today's effect, yesterday's cause. And I am the only one who is willing to adjust and change for the sake of my daughter.

And by chance, I found a friend who was more pessimistic than I was, and she had less hope of being alive. I don't love life at all, let alone love it. Obviously, she has a successful career, a good family, and financial freedom.

Therefore, I boldly guess that there should be a large number of parents who do not really love life, live anxious and painful, live painfully and helplessly, live weakly, and live in a muddy way.

Otherwise, so many people say that life is bitter, that the world is not worth it, and that the future cannot be expected. I will never come to this ghost place again in my next life.

Who hurts who changes, since I began to learn to grow and change last year, in order to take on the heavy responsibility of the original, I gradually began to fall in love with life, a little bit of love, slowly love, more and more love, and finally became love, deep love. Not only has her whole physical and mental state changed greatly, but her daughter's condition is getting better and better. Therefore, in order to have a good copy, the key is to modify the original first.

The reason is always more and more clear, let's take a look at the thoughts of netizens:

Netizen one: "But my son iPad got started a few weeks ago, and he started downloading the game like crazy, which was so fast that I didn't even realize it...

Of course, before this, he saw a lot of the surrounding environment, and the use of tablets was no stranger.....

But I can't prevent this, children watch people play together, watch their fathers play and the like, always can't isolate the child in an unreal world...

I can only limit the amount of time he plays every day.

However, he does anything feel like I am forcing him, even the morning class he said it is not interesting, only the afternoon nursery he still feels quite fun, home is to complete the homework practice, sometimes go to the exercise class, all end of the day must play more than an hour of games, fortunately at present still know to turn off the machine to go to bed...

I also don't know how the so-called good parents who control control it? It feels too hard to raise children...

I don't know how my mother thinks that it is good for the child to stutter, as she was then, it is a little incredible that I can be raised so correctly...

Children don't like to read, it's really urgent, and it's the fault of parents' discipline. ”

My reply: "Children who love life will love learning." Parents read books first and set a good example. ”

Netizen one: "Space cave...

I love life, but I can't infect children...

I still have to work and cook and take care of housework and sleep one day...

On weekdays, he spends 4-5 hours a day with the baby, and he also has to complete half an hour of playing the piano (really not playing that for a second), half an hour of listening to the Himalayas, 1-1.5 hours of playing games, half an hour of eating, half an hour of Chinese and foreign language reading, about 20 minutes of comic strip time, how to do it?

Time is so little, in fact, there is nothing special, how can he love life? What does he love? Just love games..."

My reply: "A life of excessive exertion is a disaster.

Can you make your child laugh more from the heart?

Get in touch with nature and play chase with your friends.

Let go of utilitarianism.

Children who love life can go far. Winning at the starting line is no guarantee of winning at the finish line. ”

Netizen two replied to netizen one: "Seeing your arrangement, I know why children love to play games." ”

Netizen one replied to netizen two: How to arrange it?

Come and go, don't just criticize and don't give advice, there is no meaning except to reflect the personal inexplicable sense of superiority...

Do you arrange a plan for your child to love life?

Reading and punching cards every day is prescribed by the school, and parents can't do anything, except for playing the piano for half an hour and drawing comic strips for 20 minutes every day, where do I promote the motivation of children to play games?

Personal attacks are the most low thing, if there is a suggestion, talk about it, and if there is no less word..."

Netizen three replied to netizen one: "My father is like this, I am asked to do something else after I finish my homework."

When I first learned to play the piano and learn to draw, I mentioned it myself, and I was forced by him to not want to learn.

Don't force your child to do it overnight.

Love is a process, you force him to play the piano, force him to read, and finally love nothing.

You first ask him to do this and do that, and ask him what he loves to do, which is definitely a love game.

Play gives kids a chance to hide (at least for me).

Under his power I never loved life.

After two years of leaving him, I finally realized what love is, although I still can't do love.

Games don't make me happy, it's just that committing to games makes me feel safe.

I agree with the Respondent, who is really brave enough to let go of everything.

Although I am a child, I still can't leave everything behind, still anxious, still utilitarian, I think this is why I can't really love life.

Looking at your reply, I feel that you are a little anxious, like me, locked in a closed loop of thinking. I also feel that there is very little time, not enough, I have to learn, but also have fun.

What to do?

You can only force yourself, the more you push the more anxious, the more you push the more you don't have time to calm down and slow down to reflect on yourself.

I think the friend above did not actually attack you, although the tone was a little sharp and questioning, but it was telling the truth. As a child, I can actually empathize with why he replies like this. Calm and calm. ”

Netizen two replied to netizen one: I am not attacking you.

You should be able to understand other people's answers.

I don't know how old your child is, but it's important to have plenty of time for your child to have fun on their own.

As a parent, you can't guide your child to like it. The activities arranged by the school that you think must be arranged are enough, and even the activities you arrange yourself must be completed by children. In cases where the child does not like it, it is still the same every day.

What is it that the child escapes by entering the game? It is a strong parent who does not know or reflect.

Seeing you answer so angry, perhaps coupled with emotional instability, is even more of a child's disaster.

Hobbies, first of all, should be to observe the child and try, if the child really does not like, give up.

Can "like" be forced? ”

Netizen two replied to netizen three: "This is the meaning, when you find a sense of control of life, you will find that you have so many things you like, life can still be like this, do not have to listen to others, happiness has also improved, efficiency is also high." Because the previous energy was spent on the anxiety itself. ”

Netizen one replied to netizen two: "Thank you, it is very important to be able to talk, and the sense of superiority is redundant."

If you had been able to speak as well as you are now, I wouldn't have targeted you.

It is useful to know the human body in the same way as a human being.

As for what you said about letting children play independently, I have not let go, and the result is that every day is a game, completely except for eating and sleeping.

I still have a lot to do, I'm really alone with the kids, a person in the deepest sense, without any help from any family or friends. I can't make time at all, and I have to work to support my family.

Therefore, not being anxious is home, but completely allowing children to explore his nature is a luxury for a family like mine, because the family conditions determine that I can't let him explore his own nature. ”

Netizen one replied to netizen three: "I didn't force the child to do anything after he finished his homework."

Every day after completing what should be done, it is his own time, but there is less time.

Winter at 4 p.m. it is dark, a pass operation, it is more than 7 pm, can you go out to find a small partner to play?

Usually between 7:30 and 9:00 is the child's own arrangement, but he uses it all to arrange the game, and I follow him.

As for listening to books or whatever, they are all required by the children themselves.

I really only had half an hour a day to play the piano and 20 minutes of comic strips, which he needed to complete.

On weekends, he will play with his friends, and I will take him out on a trip during the holidays.

The task of less than 1 hour a day is also a persecution and suppression of children, which can only mean that everyone's understanding of life is too different.

My parents never forced me to do anything, my mother just let me eat a full meal, but I was just as unhappy.

I myself know that my childhood was very unhappy, because I couldn't get my hands on anything that I was good at. Although my son had no pity when he was practicing, when he really performed in front of people, his pride and joy could not be stopped... (Of course, there are a lot of children learning to play the piano now, and he only pulls a tall one in the gun.)

Many things cannot be judged on the basis of just a few words, which is an irresponsible performance. ”

I replied to netizen three: "Yes, it is easy to get angry, in fact, I don't love myself enough."

Seriously, irrelevant outsiders, tongue-in-cheek disputes, are not worth getting angry about.

Life is a chicken feather, there is no need to pick up chicken feathers outside. ”

I replied to netizen two: "Yes, I like to speak from the heart and listen to the inner voice of the child."

It is also necessary to leave a blank space for life, whimsical, dazed, wandering, which is conducive to mental health. ”

I replied to netizen one: "Hug, it is indeed very hard."

I worked too much overtime to study, lacked companionship and love for my children, and lacked patience and tolerance.

Parents live anxiously and painfully, which is the root of all tragedies.

To the extent possible: try to relax, be happy, and be happier. ”