What if the other half always contradicts your child when you educate your child?
Some parents confided that their son, who was in his first year of high school, was addicted to playing mobile games. His grades were poor, he often slept in class or sneaked out of school to skip school, and when he returned home, he did nothing but play mobile games. She thought of many ways, confiscating mobile phones, disconnecting the Internet, reasoning, setting rules, etc., but to no avail. My son would even get into a fight with her over a phone problem.
She learned a lot of parenting methods, realized her problems, and wanted to change the way she taught her children, but her husband did not cooperate. Fathers often educate their children in the form of scolding, and the communication with children is like a quarrel. He can't listen to any opinions of others, believes in the educational method of "filial piety under the stick", insists on going his own way, his mother is helpless, and he wants to divorce.
Having so many problems with her own child is enough to cause headaches, coupled with a husband who does not understand scientific parenting and is stubborn, the mother's troubles can be imagined.
In reality, it is normal for couples to have differences over parenting. Two people come from different families, grow up in different environments, have different levels of education and educational content, and may have different expectations of their children. In short, the differences between husband and wife in parenting are inevitable, and the key is how the two people deal with these differences.
If handled improperly, it can adversely affect your child. If the two sides who have differences cannot communicate well, stick to their own educational concepts, and even argue in front of the child, in the long run, the child's problems will not only not be solved, but also some new problems will arise.
First, parental disagreements can leave children at a loss. They don't know who to listen to and who is right, and they're afraid to make a choice because to listen to one side means to oppose the other. Children may become acting according to the faces of their parents, they have no ideas of their own, they are always withdrawing when things go wrong, and they suffer from gains and losses.
Secondly, the differences between parents are also easy for children to exploit. There are differences in parents' educational concepts, one side believes that children should not watch TV, because TV is not good for eye and brain development. The other side thinks that it is no problem to watch TV occasionally, and it can also make the child more knowledgeable and relaxed. Then if the child likes to watch TV, he will be on the side of agreeing to watch TV. Children always make choices according to their own needs, and the prestige of both parents is lost. They put a lot of energy into confrontation, unable to concentrate on educating their children, and they can't achieve the effect they want.
Third, the way parents handle differences affects the formation of their children's personality. If both parents are unwilling to compromise and cannot communicate well about their children's parenting problems, they are prone to contradictions, and it is possible to quarrel and lose their temper in front of their children. This will have a subtle impact on the child, allowing the child to imitate the parents to lose their temper when they encounter problems, and will not calmly solve the problem through communication.
Finally, long-standing parenting differences between parents can also affect the relationship. The relationship between husband and wife is the core of a family, and if there is a problem with the relationship between the husband and wife, the whole family will be affected. The contradiction between the husband and wife will destroy the child's sense of security and belonging, make the child bored, produce rebellious emotions and various behavioral problems. Not only does it fail to achieve the purpose of educating children, but it will also make the problems in the family more and more serious.
Therefore, when there are parenting differences between parents, do not rush to educate the child, but need to calm down, communicate well, and reach a consensus.
When educating children, it should not be who has the big temper and who has the final say, nor who makes more money, but should be for the purpose of the child's physical and mental health.
If there are different opinions in the process of achieving a common goal, parents can discuss appropriate methods in private and do not deny their partners in front of their children.
Parents also need to keep learning and reflecting in practice. Educating children is a long process, and parents also need to grow up with their children in this process.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.