In the process of parenting, there are often times when the child's emotional collapse and challenge your patience, the parents are either helpless at this time, or they are angry with the child, or compromise with the child.
Is there any good way to deal with it?
Yes, give your child a cool corner.
What is a cooling angle? The cooling corner refers to setting up a place in the home for the child to calm down. This cooling corner can be the child's bedroom or the study.
Sean Covey wrote in "7 Habits of Outstanding Teenagers": We all need a place to escape, a refuge in a sense, where we can recover our good mood and full energy.
What he calls "shelter" is actually a "cool corner."
Why set up such a "cooling corner"? Let's talk about it from three aspects.
Why do children get upset?
1. The child does not know how to express emotions, through emotions to express, children who will cry have milk to drink.
Children have emotions before they are born, and when the child's mind is not mature, he does not know how to express emotions, so he expresses them through crying.
2. The child's needs are not met, or are denied, and the mood is not good, both to vent dissatisfaction and to demonstrate to adults.
3. Hint to parents that children need to be cared for.
Now that there are more and more two-child families and even three-child families, parents will inevitably lose sight of one or the other, and neglected children may attract the attention of their parents through emotional means.
What do parents generally do when they see their child having an emotional breakdown?
1. Adults are brought in by the child's emotions, followed by a violent thunder, either moving their mouths or moving their hands.
Harm: Hurting the child, causing psychological shadows to the child, and the child's emotional problems have not been solved.
2. Ignore the child's emotions and snub the child.
Harm: Adult ignorance can also cause children's disregard, forming a vicious circle.
3. Compromise with your child.
Harm: Adults' emotions are controlled by children, and they are led by children on the road of education. Adults are helpless, children are rogues.
Isn't it good for a child to be upset at all? In fact, you don't know that children vent their emotions and really have a favorable side for children.
1. Let the suppressed emotions have a channel to vent. Even adults, if you cry for a while when you are in a bad mood, your mood will become better, and the same is true for children. This is the magical effect of tears, which can clean up emotional garbage.
2. Let parents discover their children's inner needs. Parents are busy, ignore their children, rarely accompany their children, children do not say, parents do not know, in this way to express the needs of the heart.
3. Give your parents the opportunity to grow. It is said that parents are the first teachers of children, in fact, children are also teachers of parents, teaching us how to be parents.
However, it is not that children can be tolerated without limits, and it makes sense to set a calm angle at this time.
Why set the cooling angle?
(1) Premise:
1. Discuss with your child in advance and calm down in this fixed place when there is emotion. If you don't say it beforehand, it is equivalent to punishment, no different from thinking about the wall.
2. Safety first. Calm corner Do not have anything to harm, be conducive to the safety of the child.
3. Tell your child that going to the cool corner is not to ignore, but to better calm the mood and solve the problem.
(2) Benefits:
1. Let the child vent.
Give the child the opportunity to be alone, let the child vent and calm down inside, and the emotions will slowly calm down after venting.
2. Keep your child safe.
If the child keeps crying, the adult can't stand it and may hit the child. The calm corner can give adults a chance to breathe and calm down, and at the same time, children will not challenge the limit of their parents' patience because they have angered their parents, and once the limit of their parents' patience is broken, they may be scolded.
Therefore, the calm corner brings both safety to the child and cushion to the parents.
3. Let the child reflect.
In this safe calm corner, the child is given time to adjust, and reflect on his behavior in the process of adjustment, so that the child can be given the opportunity to correct.
Therefore, it is necessary to set a cool corner for your child.
Write at the end:
Emotional responses are innate to everyone, and we adults still have difficulty controlling our emotions, let alone young underage children.
Now many parents call their children "divine beasts", and the moment the children fall to the human world is like a blank piece of paper displayed in front of their parents, the transformation from "baby" to "divine beast" is testing every parent, but also testing every child.
The movie "Spring of the Cattle Herding Class" has such a line: every child comes from a pure and innocent place, and should always be a treasure cherished by the world.
In the process of children's growth, may parents give their children more tolerance and patience, so that the original pure and innocent heart can be nourished by love. When the child grows up and leaves his parents to fly alone, he can have enough wings to fight in the long sky and spread his wings to fly!