I am a stay-at-home mom, a stay-at-home mom who is constantly fulfilling her self-worth. Reject anxiety, refuse "inner volume", easy parenting, rational treatment of married life, tolerant response to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I hope that some of my views can make you suddenly enlightened, can bring you positive energy, and solve your practical problems.
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Time is really fast, and in the blink of an eye, another year has passed.
This year, I have been with the baby, watching the baby learn the language from babbling to now like a little adult, talking in sets, idioms continuously, and even a lot of basic English can be catchy.
Seeing the growth is probably the best comfort for us stay-at-home mothers.
28-year-old Zhang Zetian's 5-year-old daughter
At the end of 2021, Zhang Zetian rarely updated the photo with his daughter on the social platform, and as a mother, my direct feeling is that I am envious.
It is really envious, Zhang Zetian and her 5-year-old daughter stand together, more like a big sister with a daughter, it is difficult to think that this is a mother and daughter.
My daughter is less than 3 years old, and I feel that I am really old, but my daughter is 5 years old, and she is still a girl.
The gap is too big.
Now it seems that a child born at the age of 23 is really too wise.
Since having a baby, my biggest regret is probably why I didn't have a baby earlier.
Looking back on the 23-year-old situation, the most resistant thing at that time was marriage, let alone having a baby, and the thought of spending 1 year pregnant and wanting to give birth again, a sense of fear and natural resistance suddenly emerged.
Because of this feeling, the baby is at least 5 years late.
If you change your mind a little earlier, if you want a baby earlier, your baby is at least 8 years old by now.
Why more and more women are resisting "having babies"
Before talking about resisting "having a baby", it is necessary to mention that women resist "marriage".
Two very good girlfriends, both born in 93, one is the beginning of 93, and the other is the end of 93.
When I met them, they were only 23 years old, and at that time they were too superior, often joking in front of me, and to this day, the two good friends, still joke with each other from time to time, of course, I still have a sense of superiority, but they actually have no age advantage.
According to the parents' algorithm for calculating age, these two good friends are also 29 years old, and they will soon reach the 30-year-old mark, and there is no formal boyfriend, and marriage is even more distant.
They continued to kiss under the arrangement of their parents, and now their parents have no enthusiasm.
Their attitude towards blind dates is very dramatic, and they will complain in the group after each blind date, and they have no intention of seriously talking about feelings.
In fact, the two girls not only did not intend to seriously talk about feelings, but also did not intend to get married, at least not until the age of 30.
Because they believe that marriage brings them in addition to filial piety to their in-laws and restrictions on personal freedom, they also have to act as "reproductive tools".
Rather than being afraid of marriage, it has to be said that "fear of childbearing" affects their expectations of marriage.
The two girls more or less represent a certain group of people.
Many young girls living in the metropolis now, with a not low monthly salary, enjoy a high quality of life, they have three or five good friends with the same view, have their own interests, or raise one or more cats, the latter has a dog, they are not interested in men, not interested in marriage, not interested in having babies.
The state of life of the older generation of parents influences the perception of "procreation" by their children
"My mom is so tired, this life is not doing housework, or taking care of the children, I don't want to be my mom." 」
It was a friend's words, with a somewhat playful tone, but it said what she really thought.
The generation of mothers has indeed shown a bad state for their children, and mothers are often hard-working, filial piety to their in-laws when they are young, busy before and after.
Marriage probably brings them only patience.
For their mother's generation, they had no other choice, because without marriage, there was no way to survive.
Today's girls, with more choice, can foresee what marriage will bring them, so first refuse to marry, and then refuse to have children.
Let go of "fear", get married early, have a baby early, and be relieved early
For the matter of "giving birth to a baby", the feeling of people who have come over is that when they do not want a baby, they resist this matter, and after they have a baby, they begin to regret that they did not want a baby earlier.
If it's not an absolute "dink" and the baby is always on our plans, then one thing is for sure: having a baby earlier is always an advantage over having a baby later.
The advantages are not only reflected in the physical aspect, but also in the psychological aspect.
For women, giving birth to children in the early years and giving birth to children in the later years, the degree of influence of pregnancy and babybirth on the body is too large.
Mothers who give birth to babies in their twenties recover very quickly, and the degree of damage to the body caused by pregnancy and babybirth is very small, because the younger the body, the stronger the vitality of the cells, and the easier it is to recover.
With the increase of age, the vitality of the body's cells decreases, and the degree of damage to the body is greater when pregnant and baby-born.
This is why mothers who give birth to babies in their twenties, after giving birth to a baby, their bodies recover quickly and still have the vitality of a girl.
And the mother who wants to give birth to a baby after the age of 35, after giving birth to the baby, is really equivalent to losing half a life, and some even lose a life.
In addition, from a psychological point of view, the earlier the baby is born, the mother's anxiety will be lower, and the older the baby, the deeper the anxiety.
Because anxiety is not aimed at specific people and things, but because "concern and threat are interrelated", the older you are, the greater the psychological stress, and the deeper the level of concern and threat, the deeper the anxiety.
In addition to these two parties, from the perspective of parents, the sooner the child wants to have a child, the better the parent's body, the more able to help the child, the later the child wants the child, the worse the parent's physical state, the more the parent is powerless.
Finally, from the child's point of view, will the child care about the youth or old age of the parents?
Actually, it really will.
Children are the most innocent, and it is precisely because of innocence that they are easy to hurt others and are easy to be hurt.
In the adult world, people will try to hide their true thoughts, on the one hand, they do not want to hurt others, on the other hand, they will take care of their own cultivation.
But the world of children is very simple, they will express their ideas directly, and the beauty and ugliness will be undisguised.
Children are also vulnerable, and an adult will comfort himself that he is not educated after being ridiculed, while after a child is ridiculed, they will only feel hurt.
Again, if in your life plan, there is always a place for children, and you don't know how to choose, then have children earlier, and in the future you will definitely be grateful for your original decision.