Have parents who raise children noticed an interesting phenomenon? Families that raise girls, daughters like to stick to their fathers, families that raise boys, sons like to cling to their mothers. The daughter is easy to say, after all, girls naturally like to be clingy, but the problem of boys being clingy has caused many mothers to worry.
The son likes to stick to the mother, and the father is "sour"
These mothers believe that boys must eventually learn to be self-reliant when they grow up, and they like to stick to their mothers all day long. My former colleague Xiao Yue has this trouble. Since the birth of his son, he has been nicknamed "sticky bean bag" by his mother. Except for mom, everyone hugged and cried, even Dad.
This caused Xiao Yue to carry the baby on her back no matter what she was doing, and it was difficult to coax the baby to sleep, even to creep when she walked, afraid of a little "wind and grass" to wake up the baby, and tears goodbye to the comfortable afternoon brush drama time.
When the noise learns to walk, it is even more incarnated into the mother's little tail, where the mother goes, where the noise follows, even the toilet can not shake off a little cute that will "babble".
Even, later, Xiao Yue wanted to return to work, called her mother-in-law to help with the baby, every morning before going out, always had to stage a "big crying drama", even the father could not watch it, sourly complained: "It's so big, still sticking to the mother all day, is it harmful?" What can I do when I grow up? ”
The son overly likes to stick to the mother, and the "subtext" behind the mother must be read
1. I "love" my mom
Children rely on their mothers are born, under normal circumstances, as children enter puberty, no longer rely on their mothers for everything, then they will no longer be like when they were young, sticking to their mothers all the time, so many mothers can't help but sigh that the children have grown up and have not disappeared so much like their mothers.
But there is a situation that needs vigilance, that is, when the child enters adolescence and is about to go to middle school, he is still so clingy to the mother, especially the boy, if he continues to let it go, the child is likely to have a "Oedipal" plot. This is rare, but it does.
Skinner, a famous American educator and psychologist, once said:
"Men with oedipal complexes usually lack initiative and enterprising spirit, they are overly dependent on their mothers, their personalities are easy to become cowardly, and they may even be feminine because they are attached to their mothers, and their manners and thinking are feminine."
2. Insecurity
If the mother and the child get along on weekdays, there is little emotional communication, the child does not feel the sense of security from the mother, it instinctively becomes anxious, always feel that if you are not careful, the mother will leave herself, so the child changes the law to stick to the mother, asking him to want a "sense of security".
Companionship is not equal to emotional communication, in the process of communicating with children, if only simple orders, prohibitions, children are difficult to feel the love from the mother, mothers can try to communicate with the child at a deep level, or use the way of playing with the child to reduce the child's anxiety.
3. Please your mother
Children are very smart, and when they perceive that their mother is angry and no longer "protects" themselves, they often please their mother, but in a clingy "clumsy" way. This all comes from the mother's inconsistent attitude towards the child, one moment like to hug and kiss, the next moment because of a small matter directly turned the face, murder the child, yelling at the child.
In this way, the child's small head cannot understand his position in the mother's heart, and the smart children will use the way of sticking to the mother to find their position in the mother's heart, which is an instinct.
Children rely on their mothers when they are young, which is a normal behavior, especially boys, at the age of 2 to 5, in the embryonic stage of gender awareness, in line with the principle of opposite sex attraction, sons will be more dependent on their mothers and snub their fathers. But when the child grows up, the mother will take responsibility and cultivate the child's independence.
For example, the mother should let go appropriately, let the father become the main force in educating the child and accompanying the child, and learn the things unique to men in the father. Secondly, start from exercising children to do housework, cultivate children's awareness of independence, communicate with children more, and instill independent thoughts for children.