Welcome to Mr. Qianmian's "Chinese Human Sophistication" class!
There is nothing more complicated in the world than the relationship between people, and the relationship between Chinese is more delicate and more difficult to grasp.
On the one hand, Chinese believe that "relying on parents at home and relying on friends when going out", relying on whether it is reliable or not depends on the relationship.
On the other hand, Chinese also hopes to rely on his ability to do everything and hates "pulling relationships". As everyone knows, an incompetent person cannot rely on interpersonal relationships to succeed.
And if there is a lack of good interpersonal relationships, even if the ability is strong, it will not be able to succeed smoothly.
This column is based on the strategies and lessons of the ancestors who have been tested for thousands of years, combined with the interpersonal pain points of contemporary people, to give effective solutions to travel, and to help everyone create healthy and high-quality interpersonal relationships.
Each of us wants the friends we associate with to be true friends, but what is a true friend? Most people may have a hard time giving a definitive definition.
Some people think that true friends are people who help each other and insert knives into their friends' ribs in times of danger; some people feel that true friends are people who do not intersect with interests and the friendship of gentlemen is as light as water; some people think that true friends are the confidants of Zhong Zi and Bo Ya.
Whichever you agree with, on the road of making friends, you have to go to the mysteries of dating in "Augmented Sages", only in this way, you will not be easily hurt.
There is a passage in the "Zengwen Xianwen": "The beach under the flowing water is not intentional, and the white clouds are unintentional." At that time, if you did not ascend to the top, who believed that the ocean was deep. The road knows the horsepower, and the people's hearts are seen for a long time. Two people have a general heart, no money to buy gold, one person has a general heart, and it is difficult to buy needles with money. "It's about friendship.
There is a similar expression in the Book of Verses: "Hissing its song, asking for its friendship", the birds are looking for their friends, and in the same way, human beings need friends.
As the saying goes, "one fence three piles, one good man three gangs" and "three stinky cobblers top Zhuge Liang", all of which tell us the importance of friends. What kind of friends are important, what kind of friends are not, you need to know.
01
In life, you must make these very important friends
1. Honest and honest friends
Integrity, integrity, these two qualities are very important for everyone, fluffy, not straight, people are very susceptible to environmental influences, if you are surrounded by such people, then congratulations, you will also be a person of good character.
When you encounter difficulties, at least this kind of friend is right to guide you in your values. Honest and honest people are trustworthy, and you will make more friends because of it.
2. Knowledgeable friends
Confucius said: "Those who have no friends are inferior to themselves", not to let us go to the inflammatory and attached forces to climb the branches, to find high-ranking officials and nobles to make friends, to find people with much better material conditions than us to make friends, the core of which is to say that we should become friends with people who have a wide range of knowledge.
With such friends, you can enrich yourself, help yourself to continuously improve and improve, and you can learn a lot from your friends.
Some people say that contemporary dating has these principles: either fun, or informative, or give yourself emotional support. Imagine a friend who is fun, resourceful, and emotionally supportive.
A person with extensive knowledge often has an interesting soul, and never feels bored with him, let alone uncomfortable;
A knowledgeable person, often with good interpersonal relationships and network resources, will also provide you with great help when you need it;
A well-informed person is also very open-minded and broad-minded in emotion, just imagine how beautiful it would be if you were friends with someone like Su Dongpo.
3. Resourceful and righteous friends
We all know that the four princes of the Warring States, the head of the four princes is Wei Gongzi Wujie, Wei Wuji is a great person, a good character, the same is a foster, the quality of the soldiers he befriends is obviously better than others.
Wei Wuji has a very important friend named Hou Wei, and everyone should remember the story of "Xin Ling Jun Stealing Charms to Save Zhao", in which Hou Wei played a very important role.
He considered the whole plan, coordinated interpersonal relations, used people to plan, and the deduction of the whole event, all in place, so that Xin Lingjun, who was supposed to be generous to righteousness, could revitalize the entire war situation and successfully save the Zhao state.
This resourceful and righteous friend is important in our lives.
Everyone will encounter difficulties more or less in their lives, and many people may not be calm in the face of difficulties, and may not have the ability to plan the overall situation, at this time, this kind of friend will stand up and help you solve problems.
02
You must not make these friends in your life
1. Flattering friends
Flattering people like to say nice things, often pat you on the ass, make you happy, and if there is such a friend, you have to leave him as soon as possible. We have seen a lot of court dramas, why is it that eunuchs are so easy to take power, and the Taiping Emperor is easily deceived?
In order to survive, eunuchs are mostly flattering and flattering, and if the emperor falls into this atmosphere of flattery, he is easily deceived, arrogant, and unable to recognize reality.
2, duplicitous friends
Duplicitous people almost do not speak their own inner words, always pretend, you do not know the true thoughts of his heart, you are in his eyes is quiet years, there is no problem.
However, no matter who is a bunch of people who are a bunch of people, they are often unable to speak out, you make a mistake, he thinks that it has nothing to do with me anyway, it is very good. If you are surrounded by such people, you will never find your own mistakes, and you will end up facing a huge disaster.
We've all heard the story of the death row inmate who bit off his mother's nipple before being executed, and that petty theft is not stopped and ends up with a heinous crime.
So if your friends around you are perfunctory people and no one points out your mistakes, then you are not far from making a big mistake.
3. A friend who speaks cleverly
Confucius said, "Clever words make color, and there is no benevolence." People who make clever words and rhetoric often lack "benevolence", and these clever people are often people with ghost fetuses and scheming, and they are unscrupulous villains who are the most harmful.
If you have such a friend around you, then you have to be careful, if you let him know your secret, you will face being betrayed.
In life, it is difficult for us to resist the temptation of flattery, clever words, and all kinds of flattery or praise of duplicitous people.
They are very good at observing, what you need, they will give you something, make you very comfortable, happy, unconsciously identify with and close to them. But in fact, such friends are meaningless to your growth, and you must stay away early and stop the loss in time.
03
Time will help you leave true friends
The interaction between friends is not a hammer deal, it is to pass the test of time, the big waves, time will help you leave real friends, you may have been hurt by the friends mentioned above.
Look down, the more you grow up, the lonelier you are, the more people grow, and the more you have fewer and fewer real friends around you. Only those who can stand the test of time, whether you are rich or depressed, success or failure, do not give up, and the last thing left is the real good friend in life.
It is not easy to make friends, to distinguish what kind of person the other person is, we need to learn, real good friends will make you have a complete self, become a real real you, which will promote a benign interpersonal relationship.
True good friends can give you enough affirmation when you do the right thing, can see your shining point, appreciate you, and push you to go further; when you do something wrong, they can point it out to you, and will use constructive methods to discuss with you how to solve the problem.
Making a good friend is equivalent to finding a mirror that can show your strengths and weaknesses, so as to prompt yourself to correct your mistakes and continue to grow.
In short, "the road knows the horsepower, and the people's hearts are seen for a long time." Time will not deceive people, good things are left at the end, do not care about those bad friends lost halfway, to cherish those real good friends.
Author: Mr. Senmei
Family affairs, state affairs, world affairs, a little knowledge of one or two; worry about the glass heart, explain three or four.
People have a thousand faces, things have everything, the world under the tip of the iceberg is the real world of undercurrents, and life needs to see through the eyes of illusions.
Mr. Qianmian takes you every day to see through the illusions of life and resolve the puzzles of life.
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