As a parent, see such a title,
What do you think or feel?
Many parents are inadvertently "cursing" their children,
Is there such a "curse" in your life?
It's a true story of a pastor and his wife in Portland, Oregon, USA. They had a son, and this son brought them many troubles. Not only that, but it had been three or four years since the son had run away from home and had been kept out of the news. The pastor then went to a counselor and told him about his pain.
After a brief communication, the counselor looked at him and said, "How long have you been cursing your son?" ”
The pastor was astonished and said, "What do you mean when you say I'm cursing my son?" ”
The counselor replied, "The so-called curse means that the mouth is not the other person. What you just said is telling me about your son. How long have you been cursing your son like this? ”
The pastor bowed his head and said, "Yes, as soon as he was born I began to curse him until now, and I have never said a good word to him." ”
The consultant said, "The results are invalid, right?" ”
The pastor replied, "Yes!" ”
So the counselor said, "I now ask you and your wife to give you a challenge." In the next two months, when you think of this son, bless him, not think of his bad. I want you to pray that Heaven will bless Him. When you talk about your son, I want you to remember his good side and say only good things about him. ”
When the pastor came home, he told his wife about it, and they agreed with the counselor and were willing to do it. When they prayed for the Son, they asked Heaven for his blessings; when they spoke of the Son, they tried to remember and talk about the goodness of the Son.
Since then, they have continued to do so every day. About the tenth day, the pastor was studying in the study when the phone rang. Yes, the other end of the phone turned out to be the son!
The son said, "Dad, I'm really not sure why I'm calling you, I just want to tell you that for the past week or so, I've been thinking about you and Mom, and the rest of our family, so I'd love to call you and see if you've been doing well lately." ”
The father said excitedly, "O son! I'm really glad you called. ”
They talked on the phone for a few minutes, and then my father asked, "I don't know what you think, but do we want to have lunch together on Saturday?" The son readily agreed.
At lunchtime on the weekend, the father and son met. The son was dressed in very shabby clothes and had long, messy hair.
In the past, the father would have harshly reprimanded the son; but this time, the father faced the son with an acceptance attitude and blessed him psychologically. After he asked his son questions, he listened to his answers. The son said something right, and he gave it affirmation.
Towards the end of the lunch date, the son looked at his father and said, "Daddy! I don't know what happened, but I enjoyed spending time with you today. ”
The father responded, "Son, I enjoy being with you too!" ”
The son said, "Hmm! Dad, would I like to spend the night at home tonight? Just tonight, I wanted to see my mother and family, and my old bed. ”
Father said, "Of course you can!" Glad you were able to stay with us. ”
Throughout the day, my father was shocked:
When he stopped "cursing" his son and replaced him with blessings, the reality changed so dramatically.
That night, when the son was lying on his own bed, the father came to the son's room, sat down and said to the son, "Child, I have been very bad to you for so many years, will you forgive me?" ”
The son said, "Daddy, of course I forgive you!" Then he embraced his father, and their father-son relationship began to reconcile.
However, when did their rapprochement really begin? It started when the parents began to bless their son.
I don't quite understand why this is, but when we are willing to bless others and no longer curse them, Heaven values our blessings as well.
The essence of the world is "cause and effect": what we plant, we harvest.
If we sow the seeds of curses, we reap the curses; if we sow the seeds of blessing, our harvest is a blessing.
Back to life, what exactly does the "curse" meant by this?
falsehood
Many parents will lie in order to break free of their children's entanglements, and at the same time think that their children are very good at cheating. In fact, children are very smart, they can find many of our mistakes and omissions, and then children will feel abandoned, like a burden.
At this time, there will be negative emotions: loss, lack of security, inferiority, and loss of trust.
bondage
Sometimes, parents ask their children to obey, and they will set up a lot of requirements, not for the good of their children, but for their own convenience. For example, parents may force their children to follow their own ideas and practices for various reasons, and they are very confident that they are right, and the child must feel the same as himself.
But sometimes such self-confidence will make parents force their children to make some choices against their hearts, otherwise they will be disobedient. As an involuntary individual, "obedience" becomes a tight curse at this time.
At this time, their negative emotions will be: anger, dissatisfaction, depression, complaints.
No communication
As the child's first friend and the child's most valued friend, what they most hope is to be able to communicate with parents at will and understand each other. Many parents like to say, "I know what you think, and I'm from your age." ”
But once people grow, change is inevitable, which is why we all laugh at the stupid things we did as children, and parents also use the idea of growing up to ask children not to do those "stupid things", and at the same time boast of "understanding", it is easy for children to close themselves.
At this time, their negative emotions will be: loneliness, sadness, helplessness, and loss.
Useless contrast
Every child has its own uniqueness, and educating children should not be unified, but should be taught according to their aptitudes.
Tell your child:
Success is not in the size of the role, the key to making a child excellent; let the child learn to compete with himself and grow at his own pace.
Blindly expressing dissatisfaction with children and seeking perfection and blame brings negative information to children, which will make children weak, depressed, and even world-weary. Don't look at other people's children, boldly applaud your own children, and believe that your children will create miracles!
Indiscriminate labeling and easy assertion
If you don't want your child to be "stupid", please appreciate your child in the ordinary and give your thumbs up. Never say to your child: You can't do it. The child needs to be appreciated, eager to be affirmed; give the child a chance to exercise and dispel the shadow of inferiority in his heart.
In fact, all relationships in real life are like this, the boss to the subordinate, the husband to the wife, the in-laws to the daughter-in-law, the parents to the children... Would you rather receive a blessing or be cursed?
If we change our minds and the way we speak to people, especially when we are always concerned about each other's strengths, or think of each other's shortcomings and start to bless and pray for each other, we will be pleasantly surprised after a while to find that the other person's condition or relationship with each other has unconsciously improved.
Parents, please send blessings and prayers to your children, give them more love and care, and let their children grow up confidently in a warm family environment!
This article is written by Silent Mage