Professor Li Meijin divides a person's life into several stages, among which the child's 3-6 years old is the key period for character formation. You don't care if your child is 3-6 years old, and you can't manage it when you grow up.
In this period, parents should pay attention to the cultivation of their children's personality, and the most important point is to let their children learn to "restrain willfulness".
In this regard, Professor Li also gave such an example:
"An old professor came to me and said that my son asked me for something every day, and when he was 17 years old, as long as he was not satisfied, he would hold the window and say that I would not live, I would die. This father said you come down quickly, I will buy it for you tomorrow, today's mobile phone, tomorrow's computer, the day after tomorrow's game, what MP4, Nike shoes, bicycles, in short, his father took him without temper, and finally asked me what to do.
I said it was late.
What does it mean to be late? If you don't give now, you can give, he said what if he can't afford to give? I said then you can stay up too. ”
The above is an example mentioned by Professor Li Meijin in the lecture.
When the child reaches adolescence, the problem comes out, there is no way, and the critical period of education has passed.
At this time, you do not meet his requirements, he has a hundred ways to mess with you: looking for death and finding life, running away from home, forcing you to die...
Therefore, to educate children early, the key period is 3-6 years old, and this period should pay attention to the child's personality development.
1
Why 3-6 years old?
At this time, children's self-awareness has just sprouted and is in the initial stage of character development.
Just like correcting a tree, when it is small, the branches are weak and malleable, and it is not too difficult to correct. But when the branches grow thick and harden, then try to correct them, not only is it time-consuming and laborious, but it is even possible to break the book.
The same is true of children during this period. 3-6 years old is the beginning of character development, but also when the "ability" is not big enough. At this time, he is willful and foolish, at most rolling on the ground, crying and making trouble, which will not cause too many consequences.
However, if you wait until the child is puberty, you discipline, at that time, he has grown taller, has strength, and will do something special on impulse. For example, a twelve-year-old child has to go to an Internet café to play, and you don't give him money, what will happen to him? He's going to mess with you, he's going to run away from home, and he's not coming back tonight.
2
How to make children refrain from willfulness at 3-6 years old?
Specifically, it is to catch something that he should not do, you do not let him do it, he will mess with you.
Because we know that before the age of three, the child can't speak, can't speak clearly, and many of his problems are expressed by crying, such as his stomach pain, gastrointestinal discomfort, he won't tell you, he can't say it, he will only cry there, he will cry as long as he is uncomfortable.
But after the child is three years old, he can say, when he can say, he does not say, he wants this you not to give, to mess with you, then he has a purpose.
For example: you take him to a friend's house, see other people's good toys and refuse to give up to take them home; you take him to the mall, see that fun things must be obtained, parents do not buy them, make a big fuss, when parents find that his "do not reach the goal and do not give up" mentality appears, you must intentionally educate him "say no".
Say "no" to your child and do the following three things:
The environment of "saying no" should be exquisite
Leave your child alone with you, not in front of everyone or in front of other relatives.
It is better to choose in the bedroom, as there are no dangerous items in the room.
You put him in the bedroom, close the door, leave him alone with you, he will feel a situational pressure, and then, tell him (her) "It's not right for you to be like this today!" Not next time! ”
To be unchanged, it should be changing
The first time you do this, the child may continue to cry, then the parents should not hit him, the second should not scold him, the third should not give him reason at this time, because he is still young, many words are not quite understood, and the fourth should not walk away, because he must always feel your unyielding attitude.
When the child is crying, the parents should not make a sound, do not coax, do not scold, do not beat, just say "it is not right for you to cry like this", and then you can take a stool and sit there.
When a child cries with his eyes closed, he will quietly open his eyes and think, "Why don't you come and hug me?"; the second time he continues to cry, and then he opens his eyes again to see how he ignores me, and then continues to cry; by the third time he himself will not cry. The process is to let him know that he himself is wrong and that crying is useless.
Enwei attaches equal importance to deepen the impression
When he finishes crying, his parents can take a hot towel to wipe his face and make him feel that his parents still love him.
After wiping it, he sat down and asked him, "Do you want to cry, cry and cry, I'll wait for you", at this time he knew that crying is useless, this is speechless.
In the future, if this situation occurs again, the parent only needs to pull down the face, and the child will understand.
This majesty is simple, but it must be done early. After doing this, the child is crying very tired, the parents can help him take off his clothes, let him sleep for a while, and then leave after falling asleep;
If there are children who don't want to sleep, go out and drink some water or eat a little. Before eating, parents can say, "Mom wants to tell you about an important thing, talk about what you just cried about", in order to let him know that this matter has not passed, but also to tell him what to do in the future.
The above is the method of "restraining willfulness" proposed by Professor Li Meijin.
This way of "saying no" is to tell the child in the handling of an incident: If you do not do it right, I will not give in if you make trouble, I will not be distressed, and my love for you is limited, depending on your own performance!
All children will perceive your reaction from it, and as long as you are determined, he will understand.
From now on, he will not mess with you so hard!
Then you carry out counseling education, enwei and give, let him know that his parents love him, but his parents do not accommodate him - this kind of "contest" is better at the earliest.