Zhengzhou Traditional Chinese Medical Hall: Now many people believe that children are actually the "backers" of their parents. Most of the problems left by parents are destined to fall on their children. As ordinary people, the more difficult it is for parents to integrate into themselves, the more problems there are, and the more difficult it is for children to develop.
We always have a misconception: it seems that all of a child's problems (big and small) are caused by their parents. Only when they change and the family is happy will the problems of the children not exist, and they will be happy from then on.
The assumption here is that parents are omnipotent and fully capable of being super nice and ideal parents, but are reluctant for various reasons. They are bad people and they want to change.
This conclusion is a bit too simple.
First of all, children, as part of the family system, present family problems and characteristics, which is an indispensable program in the system and a highlight of genes. The younger the child, the more vulnerable they are to family influences. This effect gradually diminishes with age. By puberty, children are more susceptible to peer influences and begin to turn to others. That is to say, development outside the family is an inevitable development process for everyone.
Second, parents are not superhuman, they have their own limitations and even flaws. With a few exceptions, most parents are less vicious and make it their duty to destroy their children. They are more limited to their own limitations and cannot do it. Parents will end up falling far behind their children's development and will eventually be left behind by their children and watched them go where they don't understand.
Theoretically, a healthy personality is certainly more suitable for parents, but can a healthy personality be equated with love?
Some parents have experienced too many traumas and gone through several tribulations. They may not be healthy personalities in the standard sense, but they learn to protect their children from their own suffering and prevent their tragedies from repeating themselves in their children. They may not do well, but their true love for their children is fluid, even if they sometimes go too far.
Love is the central flow in family relationships, and it is important to have loving communication and mutual trust between children and parents.