When the child is frustrated without being satisfied, and does not know how to express it in words, he will use emotions to express his unsatisfied demands, which may be noisy, sad, or angry... At this time, the mother should hold the child, or pat him, instead of trying to solve the child's emotions - say to him", "Don't cry", "Don't make trouble", "You are not right like this"... If the mother becomes anxious, the child will often cry even harder.
Parents need to show more patience when facing emotional children, which requires parents to have a very good ability to deal with emotions. If parents are angry, they will stimulate their own aggression. At this moment, in the eyes of the parents, the child is a person who causes trouble for himself, and will make him feel particularly depressed. At this time, the relationship between the child and the parent is not a close relationship, but an antagonistic or hostile relationship, that is, the child becomes the enemy of the parent.
Because the child breaks the narcissism of the parents. Originally, we think we are a good father or a good mother, but when the child does something beyond his control, he can't stop throwing tantrums at the child. Some parents will slowly calm down after getting angry, feeling that they should not do this to their children, resulting in a sense of guilt.
Picture book "Don't You Do The Same?" inside page
Keith Gray
To solve these emotional problems of their own
What should parents do?
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First of all
Take a third-person look at what's going on with each other. Parents can also make mistakes, and mistakes can be forgiven. Everyone is an ordinary person and has the potential to make mistakes. If we have some mistakes in educating our children, we can apologize to our children, so that our children can learn some of the qualities in you. This is called teaching by example.
When a child discovers that the parents are not perfect, but a real and complete existence, the child can also better accept himself and grow up to allow himself to make mistakes.
secondly
Second, when a parent apologizes to the child, it is an acknowledgement and respect for the child's existence, which is important to the child. There is a popular saying on the Internet called "Many parents have been waiting for their children to say thank you all their lives, and many children have been waiting for their parents to apologize." When parents are able to admit their mistakes and apologize to their children, it means that they respect the occurrence of a fact, express a responsible attitude towards their own actions, and their emotions are not borne by the child.
This is what we call the border issue. Some parents are very concerned about their sense of authority as parents, even if they have no intention of making mistakes, they refuse to admit it, and even use blame to push the mistake on their children, or redefine the standard of right and wrong in order to shirk responsibility.
This is all a sign that parents cannot take responsibility. At the same time, these parents will think "I did nothing wrong", "I am for your own good", "this is my child, I can't apologize to him".
Such a parent has put himself on the highest point of authority, and he must use an authoritative way to make the child identify with him, not knowing that this will make the child feel painful. Children who are treated in this way are also accustomed to being cautious and cautious when they reach adulthood, and dare not make mistakes, for fear that after making mistakes, they will be punished, accused, counted and complained by their parents as they were when they were young. Even if they make mistakes, they are mostly afraid to admit it, and may follow the example of their parents, pushing the blame on others or covering up their own mistakes.
How can parents break the authority and learn to "bow their heads" and apologize to their children? Most importantly, we need to make it clear that parents and children are not in a relationship of authority control and obedience. You can't think of your child as a part of yourself, but you want your child to be obedient to yourself. The communication between parents and children, nor between emperors and slaves.
TV series "Little Joy"
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If parents do not step down from the position of "slave owner", they cannot give their children a real world, and children will not feel true respect and equality. In general, authoritative parents must be particularly harsh on their children, and they are particularly indifferent, without any emotional links, and growing up in such an environment, children will also become indifferent.
After parents make mistakes, apologizing to their children can make their children feel respected, and they can also let their children see their true side. Of course, the apology is not necessarily because of one's own mistakes, but also because the matter may have caused some harm to the other party after doing it. When it comes to right and wrong, many questions are meaningless. A lot of times it's more of an attitude, which is "I respect you and cherish our relationship because I hurt your emotions, so I apologize to you instead of saying I really did something wrong." ”
In fact, if you want to make a child "wrong", parents can have ten thousand reasons. But if the parent is always right, what does it feel to the child? It must be terrible. So, when you confess your mistakes, you actually give your child a chance to re-acquaint yourself with your parents. After that, if the child has some faults, or can't do something, he won't be too himself.