This article originated from the things that | their family
Graph/Network
The author | Mao Mao
Like to give a star handle
Lead:
It turns out that the way to avoid quarrels between couples is to simply add a tone word and a baby ~
How do you usually coax the object to be angry?
I often receive such requests for help, saying that it is a small couple, because some hot topics on the Internet are constantly debated [black line].
Basically it is a male and female problem, the girl feels that the big view is small, his attitude in this matter is like this, it will definitely be like this for himself.
Is there any truth in thinking that? There is some truth to it. But what really lives is the two of you, who he is, and if you need to measure it in terms of social hot topics, it only means that you will not identify one person.
The kind of person who can really break up with his boyfriend because a discussion is not satisfactory, that's all.
More is uncomfortable in the heart, on the one hand feel that the boyfriend thinks this is not right, on the other hand, reluctant to break up, is the majority.
And such girls often choose to forgive in life, and "three views are very positive" on the Internet.
Many times, you feel that he is not right, and he is not necessarily really wrong.
He couldn't do it, so he lost his temper with him — but most likely it was just a different way of expressing themselves to each other, or he did something wrong with good intentions. What you really want to use as a standard is the motivation behind his actions.
He bought you a very ugly piece of clothing, and you think he doesn't understand your aesthetics – you don't know, his motive is just to make you happy;
He said something that didn't have emotional intelligence, and you felt like he didn't care about your feelings — you don't know, his motivation was just to respond to your questions.
The best way for couples to avoid quarrels
I think it is impossible to avoid quarrels between couples, but it can reduce the frequency of quarrels and make each quarrel come to an end.
The best way to reduce the frequency of quarrels is to communicate more, my experience is to chat more, peacefully discuss the previous feelings of the two people or use the friends around you as an example to talk about the reasons for the conflict.
Of course, the results of the discussions are likely to be inconsistent, but it is normal for people to live in different environments for one or two decades, and it is normal to have inconsistent concepts. You know that the other party thinks like this, usually think about why he thinks so much, and before the next conflict occurs, it is likely that he will calmly understand the other party.
There are three reasons for quarrels between couples:
1. Emotional fluctuations are large (temperament is big and high heart), work understanding is very emotional, impulsive, easy to make wrong decisions, lose judgment.
2. After the formation of an intimate relationship, the old wounds of childhood are revived and need to be healed. Expect each other to be their own healers, but each other is unconscious. Expectations are disappointed, disappointment breeds anger.
3. Can't communicate well. Their own thoughts and feelings cannot be well conveyed to each other, only through the language of anger, resulting in both parties trapped in the vortex of emotions and unable to extricate themselves.
Workaround:
1. "Learning to Imitate"
Learn more about the ways and means of dealing with problems in other people's marriages, learn more about emotions, and build relationships that nourish each other.
2. "Be Aware of Yourself"
Understand your own thoughts, get angry about what you are angry about, slowly find the old wounds of childhood, accept the wounds, and heal yourself.
3. "Communicate well"
Nonviolent communication, one says facts, not emotions; two, feelings, not quarrels; and three, specific demands, not vague instructions.
Couples should not deliberately avoid quarrels.
They have different personalities, different growth environments, different educations, different views, and any differences are normal.
What we should do is face it, dissect it, solve it.
If the conflict between you often makes two people miserable, it means that you two are not suitable.
I very much disagree with the way of getting along that forcibly swallows things that I don't agree with and don't accept to give the other person a smile.
In fact, the chance of matching between people and people is not so high, it is normal to meet inappropriate people, if every time you have to feel that this is someone's fault, two people put the problem on each other's head, then this kind of love really does not talk about it.
Click on your best looks