The film Mary and Marx is a clay animation that Australian director Adam Elliott spent 5 years to complete. Based on his real experience, the film takes us into a story about loneliness, friendship, growth, acceptance, reconciliation, by telling the story of Mary, an 8-year-old girl living in Melbourne, and Marx, a 44-year-old who lives in the United States, two equally lonely and equally flawed individuals who have been communicating for 20 years across two continents. The journey.
Thank God we can choose friends
In this world, each of us is an island, even if the islands are close to each other, they cannot be connected to a land, and the endless loneliness is like an endless sea that firmly encircles us. Nevertheless, we can still build bridges between islands, connecting each other and resisting loneliness and cold together. Just like Mary and Marx in the film, with one letter after another across two continents, they communicate and accompany each other, comfort and inspire each other, and each other's warm and brilliant fire in the gray and cold world.
Mary, an 8-year-old girl living in Melbourne. For her mother, a petty smoker and alcoholic woman, and a dull worker who loved bird specimens and processed tea bags for 40 years, Mary's birth was just an accident. Unfortunately, Mary did not receive the love and attention she deserved from her parents, and she lived in a loveless environment from an early age. The indifference and indifference of her parents made Mary extremely insecure and confident, and the brown birthmark on her forehead aggravated her inferiority and loneliness. Mary longs to have friends, but she has only one rooster to keep her company.
Marx, a 44-year-old Jew living in New York, shared the same hobbies as Mary, love chocolate, and love the cartoon "The Nobles." He is obese and suffers from Asperger's syndrome (a type of astheistic disorder), which is characterized by a desire to associate with others but does not know how to communicate; cannot understand the literal meaning of words, such as seeing the sign of "take a seat", will take away a chair according to the literal meaning; has obsessive-compulsive disorder, such as buying the same number when buying lottery tickets, and buying the same goldfish; insensitive to facial expressions, relying on a "small book of expressions" to identify the emotions of others; following the rules, easy to be anxious, Oversensitive; likes overeating; dislikes crowds, lights, noise, and odors. He has three desires: to have endless chocolates, to have a set of Nobrale dolls, and to have a true friend.
Director Adam Elliott once said, "All my characters are imperfect because I firmly believe that all people are flawed and flawed." It's just that in everyday life, we hide these things. My idea is to show these flaws and applaud people for imperfections, impurities. ”
Mary and Marx were flawed, imperfect people, but they were equally eager for friends and equally sincere and kind. After Mary sincerely confessed her flaws to Marx in her letter, Marx not only did not mind her brown birthmark, but also comforted Mary and taught Mary how to fight back at the ridicule of her birthmark, telling Mary to "love yourself first" no matter what; Marx would patiently answer Mary's every question, even if Mary's questions always reminded Marx of an unpleasant past, and even caused some degree of harm to himself; he would also share with Mary his homemade chocolate hot dog recipe, Tell her about her colorful life experiences.
And when Marx wrote to tell Mary that her doctor was too fat, Mary would also be brain-opening to suggest that he use a "diet recipe" with the initials of the week as the first letter; when he said that he would not cry properly, Mary would collect her tears in a bottle and send them to him.
In fact, flaws are not terrible, and sometimes it is these flaws that exist in us that determine who can enter our world. There will always be a person who is willing to embrace the flawed, original, real us, like Mary and Marx, when they sincerely confess their flaws to each other, their respective flaws not only do not block the development of their friendship, but make their feelings more tenacious and permanent, sincere and moving.
They are like two pieces of a puzzle with their own imperfections, perfectly blended together. In the process of correspondence, Mary's needs can always be met, her emotions have sustenance, and she gradually becomes confident and brave, not only succeeding in her studies, but also gaining the love she dreamed of. At the same time, Marx also felt that he was very valuable, he felt that he was needed, trusted, and understood. He became a knowledgeable, experienced, gentle and powerful being.
So Marx uttered the moving words: "Everyone's life is like a long sidewalk, some very flat, and some, like me, with cracks, banana peels, and cigarette butts." Your sidewalk is like mine, but probably not as much crack as I am. Hopefully, one day, our sidewalks will intersect and we can share the same jar of sweet condensed milk. ”
Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Mary's interaction with Marx did not go smoothly, just as there would be an undercurrent under the calm sea. The crisis of Mary's friendship with Marx comes from a book mary wrote about studying Asperger's syndrome. In fact, Mary's heart has always been insecure, she does not know how to love herself, her sense of security comes from the approval of others, she often worries that her shortcomings will make others dislike, trying to get the approval of others by changing herself or covering up her true face, so she takes it for granted that Marx must also hope to cure his own Asperger's disease.
But she was wrong, in Marx's view, although he had Asperger's syndrome, he did not need treatment, and he still enjoyed being a "Yaspi", because it was a part of himself, and he had accepted this part. As a child, he wanted to be anyone but himself. This is the recognition of the environment, the recognition of others, the disapproval of himself, in order to get the recognition of others, he went to lose weight and did psychological counseling.
But then he gradually realized that defects are also part of himself, rather than trying to change and escape, it is better to learn to accept and adapt; instead of bothering to change himself and please others, it is better to be his favorite and approved self. Not being recognized by others does not mean that you are wrong; not being understood by others does not mean that you are guilty. Unique people do not carry any innate faults and sins, which come from the narrow, arrogant, intolerant, blind, and conformist ideas of the secular world.
Therefore, Marx was very angry at Mary's behavior, and he regarded Mary as his only friend, but Mary could not understand herself, but instead regarded herself as a patient with mental problems that needed treatment and needed to be changed. So he removed the m button on the typewriter and sent it to Mary to show the break of friendship. Mary realized that her actions had hurt Marx deeply, and in order to seek Marx's forgiveness, Mary tore up all the books that were about to be published and sent Marx a can with the words "I'm sorry."
After not receiving a reply from Marx for a long time, Mary began to become depressed, depressed, drunk and idle all day, which caused her husband to leave her. Mary she had no clear self-perception, and her personal worth was based entirely on what others thought of her, so when she was not recognized by her friend Marx and her husband, she felt that she had lost all hope and meaning in life.
In his book The Virtues of Selfishness, Ayn Rand argues that the most important thing for a man is how he treats himself, not what others think of him; the value he creates is the source and yardstick of his own happiness, not the opinions of others and the needs of others. The German writer Nina also said: "If you want to live a sober life or want to be happy, you have to love yourself." ”
Each of us must learn to know ourselves correctly, to discover ourselves, and to love ourselves. Learn to get along with yourself, take care of your emotions, know your own strengths and strengths, dare to admit your own shortcomings and defects, have the courage to accept yourself, accept your imperfections, and strive to improve yourself on this basis, find your own value and meaning in life. Only in this way can we give ourselves a sense of security, but also be able to get along better with people and manage a relationship better.
No one is perfect, and imperfection is the norm in life
When Mary was completely desperate for life and wanted to commit suicide, she received a letter of forgiveness from Marx: "I forgive you, because you are not perfect." You have flaws, and so do I, and all of humanity has them. We can't choose our flaws, they are part of us and we have to adapt to them. But we can choose our own friends, and I'm glad I chose you. ”
Marx forgave Mary and chose to reconcile with her. Because Marx realized that no one is perfect, he was too idealistic for Mary, and he should not ask Mary to fully understand himself. The fact that others do not understand themselves does not mean that they are at fault, but it does not mean that others are inexcusable. To forgive Mary means to forgive Mary for not being a perfect person. At this time, Marx not only learned to accept his own imperfections, but also accepted the imperfections of others.
Psychologist Maslow said: "A self-accepting person can accept himself and others, will not be troubled by their own or others' shortcomings, feel embarrassed and uneasy, they can calmly accept their own current situation, including their own needs, levels, wishes, but also tolerant of others' weaknesses and problems, calmly live." ”
There is no perfect person in the world, just as there is no outright despair in life. Growing up makes us slowly realize that perfection is an idealism; imperfection is the norm in life. When people get along with each other, they should have an inclusive heart, understand each other, understand each other, and do and cherish.
The flowering period will pass, but the garden will always be there
At the end of the film, Mary takes her child to the other side of the ocean to see Marx, but finds that Marx has passed away for a long time. He sat in a chair with a serene expression and his head tilted, waiting for his only friend of his life. When Mary looked in the direction he looked up, she found that the entire ceiling was full of letters, photographs and portraits from herself, and also found her own self-portrait on the mirror and the tears she had sent on the table.
Life will pass away with the passage of time, but the pure and profound emotion between Mary and Marx, the sincere and moving emotion that reaches the depths of the soul, and the influence they have on each other, will be eternal because of each other, and it is more immortal than the stars in the night sky.
Just as the flowering period will pass, but the garden is still there. Loneliness is man's destiny, and love and friendship cannot eradicate it, but they can soothe it. So don't be afraid to reveal your true heart, expose your flaws, there will always be someone who comes for you, finds and soothes your loneliness, but please remember, no matter what, don't forget to love yourself.
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