Fu Lei
When it comes to the "Fu Lei Family Letter", many people will respect it as a model of Chinese family education, which represents a successful father's sincere teaching of his children.
However, man is a multi-faceted animal, and behind the words of the warm pulse, Fu Lei in reality is a "fierce character".
Some people say that appearance is the accumulation of emotions, which seems to be confirmed by Fu Lei's body.
The tiny eyes nestled on the protruding cheekbones, the angular jaws, and the thin-rimmed gold wire frame did not make him sven, but gave him a feeling of cold arrogance.
In fact, Fu Lei's relationship with his son Fu Cong was not good, from childhood to youth, Fu Cong was often beaten and scolded by his father, and there were new scars on his body almost every day.
Unlike the hypocrites who denounced afterwards, Fu Lei never denied the fists and feet of his son, as long as he tasted it with his heart, in the details of the "Fu Lei Family Book", he could appreciate the afterglow of Fu Lei's domestic violence.
"In the end, my education was not in vain, and your twenty years of torture were not in vain!" You can be strong, as long as you can be strong, I will be at ease for the rest of my life! ”
This is Fu Lei's letter to his son Fu Cong in 1955, what kind of encounters he has experienced before he can be called "torture", and it is frightening to think about Fu Cong's twenty years.
It is true that there is no unprovoked love in this world, and there is no unprovoked hatred, parents are the first teachers of children, and a person's personality must hide the shadow of the original family.
With the tracing of the fu family history, a domestic violence gene that lasts for three generations is presented in front of history, and the source of all this violence must start from Fu Lei's mother.
Fu Lei's mother, Li Wanzhen, was originally an ordinary peasant woman in Jiangsu, married to a large family in the same township at the age of 15, and her husband Fu Pengfei was a teacher at the local middle school.
At that time, at the end of the Qing Dynasty, when social unrest was in place, although Fu Pengfei inherited all the real estate and field property, as a teacher, it was difficult to guard this family business.
When Fu Lei was four years old, his father Fu Pengfei was framed and imprisoned, losing most of his family property, in order to rescue her husband, Li Wanzhen had to sell his wealth and run around all day for help.
After several turns, although her husband was rescued from prison, Fu Pengfei, who was physically weak, contracted lung disease in prison and died shortly after his release.
Fu Lei and his mother Li Wanzhen
The family road is in the middle of the road, and life is embarrassing, so that Li Xiangzhen, who lives alone with four children, is exhausted, but fate always despises the poor people again and again, and a plague has caused the three children to die one after another.
Fu Lei became the only surviving child, and after that, the young Li Wanzhen raised Fu Lei alone and pinned all his hopes on this child.
Whenever she thinks of her husband being bullied and dying unjustly, Li Wanzhen bites her back teeth and squeaks, and she vows to cultivate her son into a person with a good reputation.
Although Li Zhizhen is illiterate, she is very knowledgeable, and she knows very well that if she wants to revitalize the lintel and not be bullied, she can only study and become an official.
In order to let Fu Lei better receive education, Li Wanzhen did not hesitate to sell Zhongtian land, spent a lot of money to hire Mr. Private School for Fu Lei, and taught Fu Lei's homework one-on-one at home.
Playfulness is the nature of every child, and Fu Lei is no exception, but for anything other than learning, Li Wanzhen's attitude is two words: no.
Li Wanzhen's discipline of Fu Lei was extremely harsh, and even cruel, even if the parents of the world had a heart that hated iron and steel, it was rare to see such a cruel mother.
Whenever Fu Lei read a book, Li Wanzhen would personally supervise him, and as long as the sound of reading was a little stuck, or the voice became smaller, a ring ruler would be struck down with a split head and face.
Once, after the evening class, Fu Lei, who was ready to go to bed, found a cricket in the courtyard, and the boy's curiosity was ignited, so he teased the crickets in the yard.
When he found his mother standing behind him, Fu Lei suddenly panicked, ran back to the room to sleep with a cigarette, and he thought that he had escaped his mother's punishment, but he was suddenly awakened by a stinging pain in the middle of the night.
It turned out that in order to punish his son for his greedy play, Li Lizhen lit a candle on Fu Lei's stomach to show punishment, and the young Fu Lei was burned and cried.
Fu Lei subconsciously wanted to pull the candle, but when he looked up, he saw his mother's wide eyes, and his trembling little hand suddenly stopped in mid-air.
Watching the hot wax dripping on his son's tender skin, Li Lizhen was indifferent.
These are not the most severe, and what is more, if Fu Lei's test scores decline, even if it is only a drop of one point, he will be tied to his father's tablet and beaten with a whip.
"Are you worthy of your dead daddy?!" If you can't shine the lintel, what do you want?! This mother's most common words had been deeply imprinted in Fu Lei's heart.
In fact, Li Wanzhen is not an iron heart, the whip fell on Fu Lei's body, and it also hurt in her heart, but in order not to make her son repeat her husband's mistakes, she had no choice.
Although Fu Lei has written many works in his life, he rarely mentions his mother, which is not related to his mother's domestic violence in childhood.
At the beginning of the founding of the Republic of China, the country was still in chaos, and under the influence of his mother's personality, Fu Lei was also a very strong person.
Unable to tolerate the deceit of the officialdom, he eventually became a literati like his father, but he did not choose to teach, but embarked on the road of translating literature.
Even so, when he grew up, Fu Lei dared to follow his mother's identity.
At the age of 24, Fu Lei complied with his mother's wishes and married his cousin Zhu Meifu, and in the second and fifth years of marriage, he gave birth to two sons, Fu Cong and Fu Min.
When Fu Cong was just born, Fu Lei, who had just become a father, had a relatively gentle attitude towards his children, but it was not long before the influence of the original family on personality was revealed in Fu Lei's body.
As Fu Cong learned to walk and talk, the child's naughty nature gradually began to show, and in the face of the three-year-old child's normal climbing ladder and touching the east and the west, Fu Lei began to be irritable.
Zhu Meifu and Fu Cong
For what can be done and what cannot be done, Fu Lei has clear rules for Fu Cong, whether his son understands his words or not, as long as he makes a mistake, he will always have a slap.
Many times, Fu Cong didn't even know why he was beaten, and he cried out in pain, and this cry would make him get another loud slap from his father.
In the details of life, Fu Lei has extremely strict rules for children.
The chopsticks after the meal must be put together, not two separately; the teapot that has been poured over the water must be towards itself, not towards others, as long as it is wrong, it will attract Fu Lei's fists and feet.
His wife, Zhu Meifu, often argued with Fu Lei on the issue of beating up the child, and each time Fu Lei threw down a sentence of "I am for his own good" and then left with his sleeves folded.
Zhu Meifu with Fu Cong (left) and Fu Min (right)
Later, for the younger son Fu Min, Fu Lei was also the same.
On the issue of children's education, it has to be said that Fu Lei has a unique vision, and when Fu Cong was very young, Fu Lei noticed that Fu Cong's fingers were very long and he was very sensitive to the rhythm of the melody.
Fu Lei decided that Fu Cong was a piano wizard and decided to cultivate him well in music, so Fu Lei specially hired a piano teacher and entrusted someone to order a valuable piano in France.
However, no matter which child, practicing the piano is undoubtedly boring and painful, and Fu Congzhong is a genius, and it is no exception.
In order for Fu Cong to have some achievements in playing, every day when practicing the piano, Fu Lei would always stand next to the piano to supervise, just like his mother supervised his reading when he was a child.
Fu Cong
Every time Fu Cong played a wrong tone, he would anger Fu Lei, who was supervising at the side, and at first Fu Lei just poked his son's head with his finger, but as the difficulty of learning increased, the places where mistakes began to increase.
Later, Fu Lei slapped Fu Cong's neck, and every time, Fu Cong's head would always hit the keyboard of the piano, making a dull bass sound of "bang".
In addition, the idea of father as son also deeply affected the family, even if Fu Cong did not do anything "illegal", as long as Fu Lei felt inappropriate, he would be physically punished.
Neighbors often saw Fu Cong tied to a tree in front of the door and punished, at first thinking that it was a prank by the children, but later learning that it was Fu Lei's own son, and did not dare to say anything more.
Friends who were close to Fu Lei could not bear him to treat the child like this, but no matter how much everyone tried to dissuade him, it was to no avail.
Once, Fu Lei's good friend Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai came to visit Fu's house, and as soon as they arrived at the door, they saw Fu Cong, who was tied to a tree, and the rope had strangled his arm out of a purple bruise.
Yang Dai hurriedly untied the rope, at this time Fu Cong opened his weak eyes slightly, and gently called out "Aunt Yang", the child did not know how long he had been tied here, yang Dai's heart was sour.
Yang Dai and his wife carried Fu Cong into the house to find Fu Lei's theory, and instead of feeling ashamed, Fu Lei chased after Fu Cong and beat him, blaming him for not having rules, and even letting the elders carry him into the house.
Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai
Fortunately, Qian Zhongshu stopped Fu Lei, so that Fu Cong did not suffer from flesh and skin again, and later, whenever Yang Dai and his wife talked to Fu Lei about this matter, they did not see Fu Lei change.
In Fu Lei's concept, what he did was beyond reproach, it was part of family education, and he grew up in such a family environment.
In terms of children's interests, Fu Lei is a feudal style, and the young Fu Min is very interested in his brother's piano, and every time Fu Cong practices, Fu Min will sit on the corner of the stairs and eavesdrop.
The young Fu Min did not dare to talk to his father, so he went to his mother and said, "I also want to learn piano." ”
Seeing Fu Min's ambition, Zhu Meifu was very pleased, and after telling her husband about Fu Min's thoughts, she was categorically rejected by Fu Lei.
Fu Lei and Zhu Meifu
In Fu Lei's view, the younger son is not a material for learning music at all, and he has not seen any talent for Fu Min in music.
Secondly, in order to train his eldest son to learn piano, Fu Lei, who was desperate, almost gave everything in the family, and there was no money to support the second child to learn music.
For the cultivation of children, Fu Lei has his own values, to learn must learn the best, if you do not have this ability, do not start.
Fu Min's dream of music when he was young was thus stifled in his father's stubbornness, and Fu Lei's life planned for Fu Min was to be a teacher.
Later, in Fu Min's memoirs, he wrote: "My father was a very generous person, especially the cultivation of his brother, but he was very stingy with me. ”
Fu Cong (left) and Fu Min (right)
This is indeed the case, Xu is because Fu Cong is Fu Lei's first child, Fu Lei places more expectations on Fu Cong, compared to his younger son Fu Min, his efforts are very little.
Fu Lei's paranoia directly affected the future fate of the two brothers, under Fu Lei's strict education, Fu Cong won many music awards since he was a child, and even studied in Europe at the age of 20.
Fu Min really became an English teacher as his father wished, and gave his life to education in obscurity.
Fu Cong, who went abroad, finally left his father's clutches, until his parents died, Fu Cong did not come back, and whenever he thought of the days when he was with his father, Fu Cong was always grateful and afraid.
Later, Fu Cong moved to The United Kingdom and became a well-known pianist in Europe, and in the face of his son's success, Fu Lei was very pleased that his years of hard work were finally not in vain.
Fu Lei (left) and Fu Cong (right)
However, Fu Lei also deeply knew that Fu Cong had suffered over the years, and very people could imagine that Xu was old, and whenever he thought about it, he always felt ashamed of his son.
In the eight years after Fu Cong went abroad, Fu Lei wrote 186 family letters to Fu Cong, in which there was no longer the scolding of the past, but instead of his father's warmth and thinking about life and art.
Freezing three feet is not a day's cold, in the face of his father's change, Fu Cong cannot freeze his former suspicions overnight, he is still full of fear for his father.
During the special period, Fu Lei was criticized, physically and mentally devastated, the whole person became extremely emaciated, the edges and corners of his face were more distinct, but the edges and corners of his heart had disappeared.
Fu Lei, who was locked up in a cowshed day and night, whenever he saw his wife, told him about his thoughts about his son and repentance for past domestic violence.
Later, Fu Lei and his wife, who could not bear the humiliation, committed suicide at home, and when they received the news of their parents' deaths, Fu Cong rushed back to China from England.
Fu Min, who had lost both parents, couldn't help but cry bitterly when he saw his brother who had been separated for many years, and the two brothers hugged each other, and at this time, the bitterness, chagrin, and repentance mixed with the five tastes and miscellaneous Chen came to mind.
Perhaps at this point, Fu Cong truly forgave his father, but Fu Lei's influence on him was far from over.
History is a tragic reincarnation, the influence of the original family on personality will never appear only in Fu Lei, fu Cong, who has been punched and kicked by his father since childhood, also has serious character defects.
This internationally renowned piano master, but the emotional life is very bleak, there have been three marriages in his life.
Fu Cong's first wife was a famous Violinist in the United States, and because of their appreciation of each other's musical talents, the two soon entered the palace of marriage, and had a son Fu Lingxiao after marriage.
The husband and wife's dedication to music deeply affects the policy of family education, which is no different from Fu Cong, Who also studied music since childhood, and Fu Cong is even more hands-on with his son's counseling.
However, the good times were not long, as Fu Lingxiao grew up, his interest in music was decreasing day by day, and in the face of his son's slack in learning, Fu Cong changed his previous kind eyebrows and good eyes, and often spoke ill of his son.
At that time, Fu Cong probably did not expect that when he despised his father's fierce face, he was slowly becoming the same person as his father.
Fu Cong and his first wife
Due to the difference between the Chinese and Western cultural backgrounds of his wife, the husband and wife often quarreled, but Fu Cong could not control his impulses.
As educational differences grew, the couple eventually chose to divorce.
Shortly after the divorce, Fu Cong became acquainted with his second wife, Xuan Xijing, but due to Fu Cong's personality, the marriage lasted only three months before it ended.
Fu Cong, who has passed the age of confusion, has made a deep reflection on his two failed marriages, he does not want to become as cold and ruthless as his father, but it is difficult to suppress his emotions.
It was not until he met his third wife, Zhuo Yilong, that fu cong's heart knot was completely untied, and they shared common experiences, common hobbies, and common cultural backgrounds.
Zhuo Yilong
Some things, perhaps only through personal experience, can truly understand each other, after marriage the two people are in love with each other, in the ordinary years, through a lifetime.
From Li Wanzhen to Fu Lei to Fu Cong, it is not a family tragedy that has lasted for three generations, but we cannot say that violence is meaningless, it has indeed cultivated a large number of excellent characters.
Some people say that violence is barbaric, that human nature without violence is perfect, but the truth is just the opposite, without violence, people will lose the power to survive.
In fact, the root of this tragedy is not violence, but excessive expectations.
The expectations of parents, the expectations of lovers, and the expectations of children make us lose the direction of life, and looking back, we have become farther and farther away from ourselves.
A little less expectation may lead to a little more understanding; a little less quarrel may lead to a little more happiness.