Girls with major depression are righteous to their friends, but hate their parents, who blame themselves for the root cause of the disease

Approximate number of words: 6710 words

Reading time: approx. 8 minutes

Sections of this article:

01, insomnia, anxiety, self-harm, she was diagnosed with major depression

02, she went abroad to study in high school, but finally went home after leaving school

03. "I look down on my parents, I am not at the same cognitive level as them!" ”

04. A large number of superimposed psychological trauma is the root cause of her illness

01, insomnia, anxiety, self-harm, she was diagnosed with major depression

Zilei is 23 years old this year, and her family is from Hebei. She is the typical northern girl, tall and fair-skinned, and as soon as she speaks, others can feel her directness.

On the appointment information filled out by Zilei and her parents, it is shown that she has often suffered from stomach bloating, gnawing hands, insomnia and anxiety since middle school. After leaving college, she was prone to emotional breakdowns, crying, or being very agitated and angry, and once self-harmed, unable to live and work normally.

Zilei saw a doctor at Beijing Anding Hospital, was diagnosed with major depression, and began to take medication. But I looked at several drugs she was taking at the time, oxazepam, sodium valproate, quetiapine, lithium carbonate, and it was clear that the doctor actually followed the diagnosis and treatment plan of "bipolar disorder".

Moreover, Zilei did not have a good effect after taking the drug, although the situation of irritability was less, but she was sleepy, tired and tired during the day, and she still could not live normally.

Image from the Internet

She also receives counseling on and off. But for her, the significance of the existence of a psychological counselor is mainly to have someone who supports and accompanies her, listens to her talk about the pain in her heart, comforts her, and guides her to regain a little self-confidence. The mood will improve after each consultation, but not after a while.

All in all, neither drugs nor psychological counseling can help Zilei really get better. So her parents are very anxious, especially the mother who is a doctor, she constantly checks the information, accidentally sees our videos and articles, and feels that our deep psychological intervention is likely to help her daughter recover.

She forwarded our articles and videos to her daughter and husband, and the family quickly made an appointment for an appointment.

From the beginning of the interview, Zilei refused to sit on the same sofa as her parents. She did not hide her hatred for her parents and said directly, "I can't sit with this lady and this gentleman!" ”。 But when her parents introduced the situation, she did not choose to avoid it, because "I want to prevent them from saying a lot of things wrong."

Zilei's mother said that her daughter was raised by her parents and grandmother before she was 6 years old, but at that time, she and her husband often quarreled, and the atmosphere at home was very bad. After Zilei was 6 years old, her father was transferred to other places for work, rarely returned home, and the relationship between father and daughter became strange.

"Since her dad went out of town to work, I've basically been with her for more than a decade. I am very busy with clinical work, my emotional ability is relatively dull, the child's heart is sensitive, and many things I have done hurt her, but I don't know. I can't understand how I hurt her," Zilei's mother said here and cried.

The atmosphere was a little dignified, and Zilei's father handed his wife a tissue.

My assistant and I were trying to comfort her and ease the atmosphere, but Zilei interjected: "I know how she hurt me." My mother has a black face after work, and my grandmother's personality is also relatively strict. Grandma's temper was grumpy, my mother was grumpy. The two tigresses were around me and I was nervous. I don't know how I got criticized, they held their fingers on the head and scolded me loudly, will you do it! ”

"So I started gnawing my hands in the 4th and 5th grade, and I was bloody. My mom doesn't think about why I did it, but only criticizes me and tells me not to do it. I learned to smoke as a teenager, and my mother only told me not to smoke, saying that smoking is not good for the lungs, can I not know this?! But she won't think why I smoke! ”

"When I was a teenager, I went to study abroad alone because I wanted to escape from them, I wanted to have a place to breathe. I didn't understand what it meant to be alive, I had self-harmed, I had climbed on the roof of my home, I thought about jumping from the stairs all at once to end the pain, but I loved beauty, and I couldn't accept that my face was smashed into mud. ”

"Then I became a believer in Buddhism, which says that suicide is going to hell. I thought that it was hell on earth, and if I committed suicide and went to hell, then I might as well die than live. ”

"I have the impression that when I was a child, the two of them never had a idle fight. When I was a child, I really didn't understand, I saw that the state of the two of them was particularly uncomfortable, you quarreled like this, can't you divorce? You all look for a new object, I can still have a few more red envelopes for the New Year, I really don't understand! ”

"It's been 2 years since I returned to China now, my dad has also transferred back, and the two of them are much better now, less arguing. But I was annoyed when I looked at them, reflexively annoyed. I remember when I was abroad, although they were far away from me, I thought I had fled, but I still dreamed of my mother scolding me, her face", Zilei said excitedly, and her voice choked.

"In order to immigrate abroad, I went to a city with a particularly poor environment to stay, and every day was very painful. But I thought that as long as I stayed here for 3 years, I would be able to emigrate, and I would endure it. I killed myself several times in front of my then-boyfriend. ”

"In the end, I really felt that this was not the way, I really didn't like that place, I thought I should go back to China, as long as I don't stay with them, I am going to the south." I really can't stand the men in the north, maybe because of my father's influence, I feel that they are not responsible, and they love to run away from things. Truly successful men should be very respectful and considerate of women. ”

Zilei said a lot in one breath, and her parents kept listening, their expressions were very heavy, and they did not speak.

Although we said in advance, when parents introduce the situation, it is best for the child not to explain too much, because there will be a lot of time for me to communicate with the patient individually and in depth. But Zilei was a little emotional, and she wanted to tell her parents and us right away why she was in so much pain.

I think it's completely understandable and it's also a way to get into her inner thoughts and upbringing, so I didn't interrupt her. For patients with such a straight personality, this method is more suitable.

Zilei's words came to an end, and her mother said, "So I blamed myself for not discovering that my child had these problems earlier." ”

02, she went abroad to study in high school, but finally went home after leaving school

I asked Zilei about her school experience and if anything happened at school. Her mother said: "Before the third grade of primary school, she was very conscious, she finished her homework, cleaned up her desk in her room, and wrote neatly. But then he didn't like to clean up, the room was very messy, the more bad the writing became, and he loved to be angry and noisy. ”

The mother felt that this might be related to the fact that her daughter changed to a more strict class teacher at that time.

But Zilei added one thing, "When I was a child, once you kicked my door open, I was sleeping, you smashed the door hard, I was woken up, very confused, I thought there were monsters outside the door, and I didn't dare to open the door. ”

Zilei's mother remembered this incident, she found that her daughter accidentally locked herself in the room, and there was a window in the room, she panicked all of a sudden, and shouted Zilei to open the door, but there was no response inside. "I was all broken, crying and kicking the door hard."

Zilei also fought with a girl when she was in elementary school, and in the eyes of adults, this was a fight between two children with naughty and impulsive personalities, but Zilei had already thought of committing suicide at that time. "It was the girl who hit me first, I was so sad that I wanted to jump off the building. Because I didn't really want to live at that time, if I died, the girl would be in trouble, and I would take revenge, I was so logical. ”

Many people think that primary school students are still ignorant and naïve, but in fact, many primary school students already have serious mental problems in the early grades. Zilei's parents may never have imagined that their daughter would consider suicide in elementary school.

Image from the Internet

Zilei has been gnawing her hands since the fourth grade of primary school, and her mother thought at first that she lacked vitamins, but it was useless to supplement it, she gnawed particularly badly before the exam, and she always had stomach problems. In fact, Zilei gnawed her hands because of anxiety, and stomach disease is a somatic symptom caused by long-term psychological stress.

However, although Zilei was depressed at that time, her grades were good and she was admitted to a key junior high school. But when she lived on campus in the second year of junior high school, the problem came again, she always quarreled with the dormitory administrator, and the teacher refused to let her live on campus.

"I understood at the time that she was rebellious, I said east, she did west, I annoyed her, she annoyed me. Originally, this child had a bad temper when he was a child, and that time was really troublesome. In fact, my grandmother felt very sorry for me, so she often scolded her," Zilei's mother said.

Zilei couldn't help but add: "Yes, in the end, both of them scolded me, as long as I made my mother angry, the whole family turned the finger on me!" ”

"When I was in my third year of junior high school, a boy fought with me. I have always been very maverick, I don't pay much attention to other people's opinions, I can do whatever I want when emotions come, and I will not take the initiative to find trouble. But the boy, he secretly looked at my test results and spoke ill of me in the class. I warned him with a look in my eyes, and he said that I would slap him when I went up and fight him on the playground. ”

"Of course I can't beat him, but my anger comes up, and I can't control myself." At that time, my head was buzzing, I didn't feel pain, as long as I could stand up, I would continue to him! ”

Zilei had to bump in junior high school, and finally the results of the middle school entrance examination were not satisfactory, but she wanted to go to a key high school, and her parents managed to send her in, and she also entered the key class, but she couldn't adapt, "She felt that the people inside were very low."

Zilei explained, "Actually, I don't mean to disrespect those classmates, but they know to study all day, they are not lively and active, I tell them interesting things, they are confused, I can't integrate at all, I don't have any friends." ”

"And I didn't understand the teacher's lectures at all, but those top students just understood." I want to go to that school because I am very strong, but I think life is colorful, and the direction I want to bloom is different from these top students, and their lives seem to only do problems. I don't pursue that kind of success. ”

I can hear that Zilei means that she will not blindly pursue excellent results, and I agree with some of her views. But she believes that the world of top students is only doing questions, and the soul is boring, which is a bit too negative to interpret, and she may have suffered superimposed psychological trauma related to "top students".

In this state, Zilei soon couldn't hold on. Her mother recalled; "Since the first semester of high school, she always had a fever and was not feeling well, so I asked me to take her home. I'm on the clinical frontline, and it's not good to ask for leave. Then she said to go abroad, and we agreed. ”

"At that time, she and we both thought it was too easy to go abroad, she went to a public high school at first, but she couldn't stick with it, she transferred on her own. Later, she worked hard to get into the university herself, but she said she couldn't read it in the first semester of her freshman year, I said no, I reminded her why she went out in the first place, and she still had to have a basic education! But she wouldn't listen, so I compromised, thinking that if she was really that happy, I would be willing. ”

Zilei has started a business abroad to earn money, talked about a boyfriend, and once tried to study a college and strive for immigration qualifications, but because of emotional problems and long-term insomnia, it is difficult for her to stick to it whether it is entrepreneurship, romance or study.

She drank alcohol and smoked marijuana, not only to help her sleep, but also to numb herself. In the end, it was too painful, she returned to China and was diagnosed with major depression, but offered to be hospitalized, "I dare not live alone, I know that I am in a bad state, but I don't want to stay with my parents, and I have no friends, so it's better to stay in a psychiatric hospital."

Zilei's mother is a doctor, but she realizes that mainstream psychiatric treatments cannot cure her daughter.

"Her doctor told me that the diagnosis of bipolar should be reported, so she gave the diagnosis of depression. But she took medicine and slept for a day, black and white turned upside down, and her mood was still very irritable. I read a lot of psychology public accounts, and some of them I think are meaningless. ”

"When I saw your video that day, I ran to her and asked, have you ever been traumatized? She said no, it's all small. I understood at once that she was what you call superimposed psychological trauma. I thought I had finally found someone who could cure this disease. She was reluctant to come at first, saying that it would be fine to talk slowly to the counselor. I said no, there are a lot of trauma that you don't remember, and it has to be dealt with through deep hypnosis. ”

Zilei's mother said, and couldn't help wiping her tears.

"My child is actually very kind and upright, she smokes and drinks, swears, fights with people, but I know that she is not like this, we all have to understand her. My biggest regret is not finding out that I have caused her harm, I am so blunt! She wants to get rid of us, but she can't be independent, she can't adjust her routine and emotions, she's in pain."

03. "I look down on my parents, I am not at the same cognitive level as them!" ”

After Zilei's parents temporarily left the interview room, I communicated with her alone.

If you use mainstream psychiatry, Zilei does not have a good effect on taking medicine, and she has not been hospitalized, and she has symptoms such as gnawing hands and gastrointestinal discomfort, which is a typical incurable disease.

Zilei herself is aware of this, "I know that the doctor I have seen cannot cure me at all, it can only help me reduce my symptoms, make me fall asleep, and have less temper." She has seen many of our real cases, and she also wants to know why she got sick, why she can't control her violent temper and long-term insomnia.

I asked her, "What are the things in your memory that you particularly remember?" Especially when I think about it now, it will be uncomfortable, or the mood is bad, it is especially easy to remember? ”

Zilei didn't even think about it, "It's all accusations and insults from my family, my mother, grandmother, grandmother."

"It's easy for me to get into conflict with my grandma, but I know that although my grandmother talks about me, she really cares about me. I also know that she has a low level of education and has a generation gap with me, so I annoy her, but I don't hate her, and I still want to earn a lot of money in the future and take my grandmother around the world. ”

"I annoyed my mom more because I thought she could have a higher cognitive level, not like my grandmother, and as a result, she would never care what I was thinking, she only cared if I lived, but she didn't ask me if I was happy or not." All my emotions went to her, and I didn't get any emotional connection, like kicking a steel plate. Many of my relatives' children are top students, and my mother often compares me with them, me off, and I am annoyed when I see people who study well! ”

Image from the Internet

"And Grandma, I hate her so much, she thinks I'm a scourge. Moreover, my mother is such a big person, and she is still controlled by my grandmother and obeys my grandmother's words. So maybe my mom also felt that I was under her control. ”

"I hated my dad, he left me and my mom in our hometown, and we started fighting in junior high school, sitting on the ground and twisting together, hitting the wall crazy, calling the alarm, and 120 also fighting. When these things happened, my dad didn't show up at all, widowhood, sometimes came back, quarreled, he bought a ticket and ran, he was happy, and my mother and I were left. So I now think it's useless to have a man. ”

"Actually, my college major, just influenced by my boyfriend at the time. At that time, I didn't know if this major was suitable for me, and I didn't like it or not. Other people's parents will give their children ideas, but my parents have never given me any meaningful guidance, no one has ever cared about me, and the advice they give me is useless. ”

"Also, the thing that makes me very uncomfortable is that objectively, my parents are not particularly bad for me, at least they don't beat me, otherwise I would have fought with them earlier." I look at the cases of your public account, many parents beat their children very hard. So I can't get angry with them hysterically, I can only cut inward and hurt myself."

"I don't feel like I can get along with them now, we don't know one level. I'm not saying how high my cognitive level is, but I am already an international vision, I have made a lot of money in entrepreneurship before, and my friends around me are very good, have a very personality, and should not be defined by the world. I want to do something different that I like. What my parents said about a stable life, I couldn't look at it at all. ”

"Besides, my parents' lives are not very good! They're not happy either! I asked them, did they regret that they didn't have a few objects back then? A few questions stopped them! So I kind of looked down on them. Sometimes I have a lot of fun chatting with friends outside, as long as they call me to ask what time I will be home, I will explode at once, and I can cross to the feeling of being scolded in elementary school and junior high school, which is very annoying! ”

I can understand Zilei's annoyance.

Many people are in the "survival stage", running for cars and houses; A small number of people are in the "life stage" and begin to have the sense of enjoyment and financial ability to enjoy life. But Zilei, what she wants more is the "life stage", she wants to do something meaningful in this life, she has ambitions to achieve spiritual goals.

"Yes, that's it! But I still have to rely on my parents to survive, and my current state simply can't help me survive well. I have pursuits, and I want to do what I want to do, but my body and emotions don't allow it. I can't eat well and sleep well, every day is either sleepy or very annoying, a lot of calls come to me to deal with things, I don't have the energy to do it, in fact, it is particularly irresponsible, I will be very remorseful. ”

Zilei's emotional problems also affected her romantic relationship. She talked to her boyfriend a lot, but they all broke up. Although some men can talk to her at the beginning, after the two live together, once her emotions come up, they immediately accuse each other, swear words, and see that the other party is not pleasing to the eye, and such a relationship is naturally difficult to last.

"For a while I wondered if I was going to be gay, and my friend said, if you can't do it, find a woman to live with." I think most of the people I can generate spiritual links are indeed women," Zilei smiled helplessly.

04. A large number of superimposed psychological trauma is the root cause of her illness

I invited Zilei's parents back to the interview room to prepare for the final concluding comments. This time, Zilei was willing to sit next to her parents.

In fact, although Zilei is in line with the diagnosis of depression in terms of symptoms, some doctors will also think that she is bipolar disorder, but if you look at the psychological root, she is particularly in line with the etiological diagnosis I proposed - post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSRD).

She has suffered a lot of superimposed psychological trauma in her native family, lacked her father's company for a long time, and was often scolded by her mother and grandmother. Although in the eyes of adults, these things are very small, but "Xiao Li flying knife, knife to blood", when it continues to accumulate to a certain extent, Zilei's mood has serious problems.

Image from the Internet

She is particularly prone to agitation, anger, especially for family members, and it is easy to amplify the meaning in her parents' actions and expressions, or even understand it completely from a negative perspective. An unintentional act or behavior of her parents may irritate her. Grandma cares about her, she will also be easily irritable, swear to the elderly, lose her temper.

Many people morally condemn this behavior, believing that children are rebellious, disrespectful to their elders, and have bad conduct. In fact, many children do not have character problems, but after the family has caused them a lot of psychological trauma, it is easy to activate their trauma, so they appear grumpy, full of thorns, and even smash things and hit their parents.

So from this point of view, because Zilei has suffered superimposed psychological trauma, she actually has a certain paranoid personality change, sensitive and suspicious. But the main thing is sensitivity and suspicion about the family. She is still very bold and righteous in dealing with her friends.

In addition, Zilei also has obvious learning disabilities, at least since junior high school, and it is likely that even the signs appear in the third grade of primary school. Therefore, she is anxious and unwell every time she arrives at the exam, and even if she changes the environment after studying abroad, her learning efficiency is still very low.

Zilei believes that success in life does not necessarily depend on dead reading, which makes sense. But if she can't regain good learning ability, it will limit her later development. This day and age require lifelong learning, and interdisciplinary learning, and if it is difficult for her to make progress through continuous learning, it may be difficult for her to achieve her goals.

When I said this, Zilei also nodded, "Actually, I regret that I didn't finish college, and I regret that I didn't choose a major that I really like." Because my mother always compares me to those top cousins, I can't help but hate people who study well, and I want to make a lot of money to prove myself. So I was making money starting a business at that time, and I didn't want to study anymore. ”

"If you think so, it can give you fighting spirit. But if you underestimate learning, it will also limit your improvement," I said.

Therefore, the root cause of Zilei's illness is actually very clear, mainly because she suffered superimposed psychological trauma in her native family, almost broke off her relationship with her parents, and her personality has been irritable and irritable since she was a child, and she has depressive symptoms since she was in elementary school.

Secondly, she has suffered some negative incidents at school, but mainly not being bullied, but violent conflicts with teachers and classmates because of her temper, as well as learning setbacks in key classes in high school and studying abroad.

She has also suffered many setbacks in romances, which is related to her emotional instability and to her broken relationship with her father since childhood, and she does not deal with intimate relationships with the opposite sex. And her initial understanding of men comes from the image of her father, but her father is often not around, and her mother and grandmother will always complain about her father, subtly, in fact, her impression of men is mainly negative and irrational.

These deep-seated psychological problems are difficult to solve by taking psychiatric drugs alone, and ordinary psychological counselors can only temporarily "relieve pain" for her soul, and it is difficult to repair the trauma.

Therefore, although Zilei really wants to continue to learn, improve, and do a career, her violent mood swings consume a lot of her energy, and she can't help but self-harm, emotional collapse, and can't live normally. Although her mood stabilized slightly after taking the medicine, she was still drowsy and irritable, and she still did not feel energetic and emotional peace.

In a situation like Zilei, if it does not accept our deep psychological intervention, how can we get out of this "trapped beast" state? Due to the length, tomorrow's article continues to analyze and provide advice.