More and more young people are becoming hesitant and uncertain about entering marriage, and Miss K is one of them.
Once, Miss K was full of expectations for love and marriage, and was lucky to find someone she liked in college. Thinking that everything would go its way, the two slowly entered into marriage.
But after graduating from college, as she grew older and more knowledgeable, the reality of things kept her back off.
First, the cousin ended the 7-year love run and entered the marriage happily, but the man "showed his original form" after marriage, properly threw off the palm cabinet, and the cousin chose to divorce after one year of marriage; coincided with the breakup of the girlfriend, originally a "fairy couple" in the eyes of others, who was so affectionate that he couldn't do it, but he ended up with the man splitting his legs and both sides tearing their faces; Seeing older female colleagues around me in the workplace, complaining about hard work after marriage, husbands not helping, children are too difficult, in-laws are difficult to serve, etc... This has caused Miss K, who is of marriageable age, to have many hesitations and fears about marriage.
I believe that many people are the same as Miss K, although they yearn for a beautiful marriage in their hearts, but the various marriage problems that appear in relatives, friends and even celebrities in reality make them fearful.
Women are worried about losing themselves after marriage, and men are afraid of various economic, family and other pressures after marriage, so most men and women have a wait-and-see attitude towards marriage.
This phenomenon also shows that the public has begun to pay attention to the quality of marriage and is unwilling to marry, which is also a manifestation of women's personal awareness, social status, and economic ability. But if you drag on like this, the anxiety and uneasiness in your heart will not disappear over time, but will give rise to more problems.
For these "little nine-nines" in the hearts of young people, many Western countries have long thought of countermeasures: since you are worried about entering marriage, then give a preventive vaccination to marriage before getting married!
Dr. Gary Chapman, an American dating expert, has suggested that young people who want to get married should receive 6 to 8 premarital counseling sessions before marriage.
In the United States, if the marriage involves churches, churches, and pastors, they will be required to go to church to attend marriage counseling classes before marriage.
For time reasons, I can't participate in the course part, and there will be a detailed premarital counseling questionnaire, which can reflect the couple's view of marriage and the concept of managing marriage, and pave the way for the next marriage life.
Before Hong Kong star Wang Zulan got married, he and his wife Li Yanan had premarital psychological counseling.
He mentioned in the program,
"I hardly had a fight with my wife because I had counseling before marriage. After discussing what problems you may encounter after marriage, you can avoid these problems by preparing for them and coping with them. ”
▎ General premarital counseling will be discussed from these aspects:
1. Marriage expectations: both parties clarify the meaning and expectations of marriage, and conduct full discussion to form a consensus;
2. Husband and wife communication and interaction: learn good communication skills and skills, enhance listening, understanding, communication and other abilities, avoid poor communication and cold war after marriage due to the physical and psychological differences between men and women, differences in the way of expressing problems, and other problems, sowing the seeds of marriage crisis;
3. Simulate conflict handling: some conflicts and contradictions will inevitably occur in marriage life, by simulating conflict situations in advance, learning handling skills and methods, and establishing rules for handling conflicts, not only can resolve conflicts more effectively, but also protect each other's feelings;
4. Understand each other's native families: fully discuss each other's native families, understand the influence of the original families, and make appropriate psychological and relationship adjustments. Many problems in marriage are often derived from the original family, such as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts, son-in-law conflicts, family entanglements, children's education, and so on. Marriage is not only the union of two people, but also the union of two families. Knowing both parties' families of origin can avoid the negative effects of growing up, the trauma that extends into adult couples, new families and the next generation.
5. Marriage management: Modern marriage is basically based on love, and it is very important to learn how to manage a period of health for a long time. Otherwise, the emotional link between husband and wife is too loose, and it is easy to be swayed by the temptation of reality and give birth to changes.
7. Financial management: Discuss the financial planning and management of the future family before marriage and establish a consensus on each other's concept of money, which can avoid conflicts arising from gift money, premarital property, post-marriage financial management, etc.
8. Marriage and premarital test: It can effectively evaluate the marital relationship between the two and the marriageability of the premarital partner, and make appropriate suggestions according to the evaluation results. Through the analysis and evaluation of the counselor, understand each other's personality characteristics, strengths and weaknesses, promote the strengths and avoid the weaknesses in the future marriage life, reduce contradictions and frictions, so as to seek a happy marriage and reduce the risk of marriage problems.
Listen to it, psychological conclusion
The importance of premarital psychological counseling lies in "prevention" - allowing couples to face up to some hidden problems in marriage before marriage and do a good job of preventive measures, which is far better than dealing with problems such as sitting after marriage and then rushing to deal with them.
Unprepared people are always annoyed afterwards, while smart people take the initiative early in the morning, do a good job of risk assessment, strangle the crisis in the cradle, and avoid letting things develop to an irreversible end.
Why do we have to be sick and regret that we don't pay attention to our health? Why do you have to wait until an accident happens to regret not buying insurance in advance? Why wait until there is a problem in the marriage before thinking of saving the marriage?