Family education has an extremely important impact on the growth of children, and the education methods of different families directly affect the future growth of children.
In daily life, parents habitually buy dolls for girls and model airplanes for boys, and this unconscious behavior reflects the different parenting styles that boys and girls need.
So how should boys and girls be educated?
1
Writer Rosson has told two stories.
The first story is about girls.
An adolescent girl didn't come home until the early hours of the morning
A few days later, her father asked her out for a drink: "Despite the drinking, drunk, Daddy will take you home." ”
That night, the girl collapsed drunk on the bar.
The next day, as soon as she woke up, she saw a letter from her father: "Do you remember how many drunks you drank last night?"
There are two beers and five corners of high, and remember, that's your limit.
There are a lot of bad people in the world, I can't always be around to protect you, so let you know your limits, you must learn to protect yourself.
The second story is about boys.
A 14-year-old boy saw a book he liked very much in the bookstore, but he did not have so much money with him, so he secretly hid the book in his arms, but was found by the boss and sent him to the police station.
Soon, the child's father arrived. The boy bowed his head and waited for his father's scolding. But instead of scolding him, his father said to the owner of the bookstore, "He must have liked the book very much, but he only did it because he didn't have enough money with him." You see if this works, I paid three times as much for this book..."
Out of the police station, the father stopped and said to the child with a shameful face:
"People make mistakes more or less in this lifetime. Listen, forget about it! Don't let it leave a shadow in your heart, study and live well, and never make the same mistakes again. ”
After telling these two stories, Luo Song said a sentence that I very much agree with: the best protection for my daughter is bottom-line education, and the best protection for my son is sunshine education.
2
The best protection for a daughter is bottom-line education. For girls' bottom-line education, I think there are four points that are particularly important.
The first bottom line education: the body bottom line.
What is Physical Bottom Line Education?
As a parent, you must warn your daughter not to betray and hurt your body for anything.
The second bottom line of education: the bottom line of life.
I read a story on Zhihu: After my daughter was admitted to college, her father sent her money. "Is 1200 yuan enough?"
The daughter replied, "Enough." ”
My father also said, "Buy whatever you want, don't lose yourself." ”
The daughter listened and did not make a sound for half a day.
The father wondered, "What's wrong?" ”
The daughter said: "My roommate is like me, the family also gives 1200 yuan a month, but her quality of life is higher than mine, she has snacks every day, and she goes to McDonald's every week..."
The father said, "Is she working?" You don't have to go and delay your studies. ”
"She didn't work, she was in love.
Once she came back from a date and told me that she didn't really like the guy, she just liked him to pay for herself. She also said that I was stupid, but it was a pity for this face, and if she had a beautiful face like mine, she would not have to ask the family for money. ”
The father put down the phone, immediately called his daughter for 1500 yuan, and sent an email to his daughter when he returned home:
"From this month on, I'll give you $1,500 a month. For an extra $300, you can buy snacks. Also, tell me if you're in love. I'll give you another $500 a month as a relationship fund. Please remember that every time you go on a date, don't forget to bring your wallet. ”
Why did this father do this?
Because he is instilling a bottom line in his daughter - to have financial independence.
"A woman who is financially independent is the most dignified woman.
If the economy is not independent, the personality is not independent.
If personality is not independent, love is not independent. ”
The third bottom line education: the emotional bottom line.
The writer Qiqi once had a tragic love experience, she wrote:
"I always thought that if I compromised a little, the world would make room for me, and then I learned that you can never touch someone who doesn't love you." 」
So now, Qiqi always emphasizes an "emotional bottom line" for her daughter:
"Don't waste time on someone who doesn't love you. Don't sacrifice yourself for him without a bottom line, because you can never touch someone who doesn't love you. ”
The fourth bottom line of education: the bottom line of life.
In our lifetime, we will inevitably encounter the wicked. When encountering evil people, if you do not have the ability to fight gangsters, you should fight a roundabout battle, no matter how important the thing in your hand, you should not clash with it head-on.
The best option should be to sacrifice money to save your life. Because life is above all else, nothing can be more important than life.
In our lives, we will inevitably encounter sad things. But no matter how sad it is, you can't choose to end your life, and suicide is the stupidest way to solve the problem.
3
The best protection for my son is sunshine education. I think there are four points that are particularly important.
The first sunshine education: adventure education.
Nowadays, many parents always teach their sons this:
"You can't go there, it's too dangerous."
"This place can't stay, there is danger."
Educator Richard put it well: "Children who lack the spirit of adventure are often accustomed to conformism, weak personality, and not good at innovation." ”
The second sunshine education: rule education.
On the basis of "risk education", it is necessary to add a "rules education" to balance adventure with rules.
Whatever you do, think about the worst outcome, and if the worst outcome is acceptable, you can try it. If you can't afford it, don't do it.
The third sunshine education: frustration education.
Yang Baode, a doctoral student at Xi'an Jiaotong University, committed suicide because he could not be harassed by his supervisor, and Ou Jianxin, a programmer at ZTE, committed suicide because he could not bear to be fired by the company.
In a way, they chose suicide because of the lack of frustration education.
In fact, it is definitely not a setback that brings us down in life, but a passive evasive attitude in the face of setbacks.
You have to learn to turn every difficulty and setback you encounter into a learning opportunity. When one door is closed, the other door opens. Or you can open the closed door yourself.
The fourth sunshine education: independent education.
A friend of my esteemed civil servants told the story of his father who taught him to be human:
His father said when he had a crush on a girl: "A girl will not like you because you are single-minded, but only like you because you are excellent." ”
The friend sighed: It is really enlightening.
In the first grade of junior high school, his father asked him:
"How can you get others to respect you?"
"If I respect others, others will respect me."
"Wrong. It's strength. ”
The friend sighed: It's so profound.
His father was also a small official, but he never spoke softly, and only said a harsh word to him: "Don't think that I will reimburse you for the invoice." ”
My friend sighed: This sentence has become my code of conduct.
Later, many of his colleagues around him committed crimes and went to prison, but he has always been innocent and safe.
He sighed: "So I've always been very grateful to my father. ”
Yang Dai's father, Yang Yinhang, once said: "Educating children to be independent is better than being the first." ”