Parents get together and always chat around the topic of "my child", and the more they talk about it, the more "interesting" it is. If the child is around at this time, it is like grasping "evidence", and the continuation of the topic is carried out on the child.
Not long ago to visit a friend's house, her family has a son and a daughter, two children are particularly lively and cute, brothers and sisters in the corner to play with toys can be happy. But after a while, my sister began to cry. The friend did not ask the reason, directly shouted to the eldest son: "Why are you so naughty, and cry your sister again!" Can you be obedient? I looked at the aggrieved expression of the children, and I was about to cry!
I asked my friend, "Why blame your son for not understanding the situation?" ”
Friends began to spit "bitter water" like turned on the "spit" mode: "Isn't there a saying that 'three-year-old children dog ignore'?" Now it's a little over three years old, and recently I've really become particularly naughty, quiet for a moment, a demon who doesn't pay attention, either making a mess of the house or making a crying sister. Very naughty! I don't have to ask, I must have robbed my sister's toy again, and I have to stage such a big drama several times a day. It's too tiring to take two children alone and want to send him back to his hometown for a while..."
Seeing that her friend did not seem to be about to stop, and her son was listening in the corner, and from time to time he looked at this side twice, and at this moment he was full of uneasiness, and I quickly called out to stop my friend.
Don't think that the child can't understand, your nagging will be deeply imprinted in the heart
The child is still young, although he cannot understand the logic of the conversation between adults correctly, but he can figure it out literally, feel it from the tone, and believe in the conversation of adults. Sometimes, your unintentional words invisibly hurt the child's feelings, or make the child lose self-confidence, resulting in inferiority.
Other parents do not label their children negatively, but constantly label positive ones. For example: "My child is really smart and very good", "Your child is really beautiful, and his life will be better in the future", "Your child is really good at learning, and he gets a hundred points every time, unlike my children". In fact, the excessive use of these words sometimes even exceeds the range of the child's own ability to match.
Imagine what kind of psychological feelings a child will have when he hears such a conversation next to him? Is it true and complacent, or is it humble to accept? For children whose psychological development is not yet mature, the former is more likely.
Don't label your child easily, it's hard to tear it off
Many parents are accustomed to talking about their children in front of them, and even label him with various labels.
"Labels" have a qualitatively oriented role. Labels, whether "good" or "bad", will be buried deep in the child's heart, will affect a person's personality awareness and self-evaluation, and the result is often to make it develop in the direction of the "label".
Children are most susceptible to the "label effect".
For example, my mother said that I was timid, introverted, and did not like to talk, I was so unruly; my mother said that I was too naughty, old bully, I was so bad... Children's cognitive abilities are limited, and adult words have authority in their eyes, and once they are labeled, children may directly define themselves as "I am like this."
Labeling your child can also limit your child's future development. For example, he often says in front of his children that he is "nerdy" and "does not like sports", and over time, he will use this label to position himself, and finally move closer in this direction.
Whether the label is positive or negative. Once formed, children will develop in these directions. Over time, it will become fixed. Label formation is easy, but three or two sentences of things, but it is difficult to tear it off again.
Therefore, as a parent, do not arbitrarily discuss the good and bad behavior of the child in front of the child, and do not arbitrarily label the child with various labels. If you feel that your child's behavior is not correct, you can seriously communicate with him and make him realize the mistake, rather than discussing these behaviors with others in front of the baby.
Mr. Tao Xingzhi, a famous educator, said: It is easy to create a child, it is not easy to shape a child, but it is easy to destroy a child, and we cannot despise the child's emotions. Let's learn together!