In real life, many fathers are busy with the struggle of their careers, and the proportion of mothers involved in raising their children is greater. What type of mother raises what kind of child, and the mother's personality has a great impact on the growth of the child.
The following is a list of 4 kinds of mothers who are not conducive to the growth of their children, and the mother who has been shot corrected in time!
01
Cold and harsh mom
It is easy to develop a lonely child
● Mom's performance
Some moms are slightly apathetic emotionally. She may not have wanted a child in the first place, or she may subconsciously see the child as the source of her misfortune. This kind of mother rarely holds the child, is very strict with the child, and some cold single mothers lack good emotional channels, are in a lonely and depressed state, and their attitude towards the child is also indifferent.
● Child mindset
Lonely children are usually cold or even cold, lacking enthusiasm and pursuit of life. Some of them are successful in their careers, have weak material needs, are independent and patient. However, their married life is usually full of twists and turns. The common people who are complained of by their spouses as cold-blooded animals and callous are mostly lonely personalities.
Children are very much in need of love and touch, in foreign countries, touching and hugging is even an important means of treating children's autism, parents deliberately isolate children, do not make physical contact with him to comfort, for himself, can not be said.
02
Controlling Moms:
It is easy to develop avoidant children
● Mom's performance
Out of the instinct to love their children, or out of the fear of abandonment due to the difficulty of controlling their own lives, and the excessive attachment to their children, some mothers have a deep desire to completely control their children's behavior and cannot bear to be separated from their children for a moment.
● Child's mindset
Such situations are particularly prone to distance for children. They were not afraid to be close, but they were always careful to keep themselves away from others; they allowed their mother to hold, but at the same time always twisted their faces to the side and did not let mother kiss. Because they are afraid that being too close will make them unable to escape from their mother's control.
Growing pains
After the distance from the child is adult, it is easy to form an avoidant personality. They subconsciously avoid family life through various methods:
Busy with work for a long time, prefer work that often travels, or always bury your head in reading, reading newspapers, and watching TV.
They need their own space, they like the kind of free-coming and going relationships that come and go the most, and when the spouse tries to maintain a state of intimacy, or has further needs, they immediately back off and even get angry: "Why are you endless?" You're asking for too much. ”
Everyone should have their own life, you and the child "dependent on each other" is only temporary, taking the child as their "little lover" will only make themselves and the child feel an invisible bondage.
03
Neglected Moms:
It is easy to develop a pursuit-oriented child
● Mom's performance
Some mothers show a lack of patience because they are busy, perhaps because of their personality, and they always want to quickly get rid of the burden of educating their children, so they encourage or even force their children to start exploring and becoming independent too early.
● Child mindset
When a young child tries to explore the world independently, if he does not get emotional support from his parents, it is easy to cause his fear of independence. They know how to win their mom's attention by flattering moms to make good kids look like kids, or making excuses. They lack the necessary sense of security, are afraid to leave their mother, and need to constantly and repeatedly check whether someone cares about them at any time.
Growing pains
Such children, in adulthood, usually exhibit a pursuing personality. They are afraid of being abandoned, and in order to maintain an intimate relationship with their spouse, they always try to please each other, do everything they can for each other, and become "good wives and mothers" or "model husbands".
But this kind of relationship may make the other party feel suffocated, and they are often thankless, secretly sad, lamenting that "living is too tired".
In addition to teaching, children still need to be "raised". Helping children build positive self-confidence requires enough patience from the mother and enough time, and there seems to be no shortcut to this.
04
Contradictory and variable moms:
It is easy to develop attachment children
● Mom's performance
Some mothers are busy with work because of financial pressure, and the needs of attachment to their children can sometimes be satisfied, and sometimes they are forced to endure the pain of "cutting love"; coupled with the pressure of mothers, their emotions are difficult to stabilize, sometimes they are cold and irritable, and sometimes they take good care of their children.
● Child's mindset
Such an environment is difficult to help children build a stable sense of security. Subconsciously, he will think that only by constantly crying can he get the love and attention he needs, and often feel happy, satisfied and angry, sad alternately, and can't help but form a contradictory feeling of love and hate for his mother.
Growing pains
As adults, once these children enter into an intimate relationship, attachment tendencies are evident:
Their demands for intimate contact seem to be endless, often requiring the other party to pay attention to themselves at all times, and it is difficult to tolerate the slightest neglect and cold reception. They habitually use anger, noise and threats to force the opposite sex to care for themselves and meet their psychological needs, and their strong insecurity makes them jealous and suspicious, and no matter how the other person confesses, they cannot really trust each other.
In daily life, mothers should strive to avoid this contradictory and unstable expression of emotions and emotions, give children more affirmation in words and behaviors, and let children know that no matter how busy their mother is, he always has the love of his mother
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