"Mom, the teacher punched me in the face today."
"Mom, the teacher kicked me today."
"Mom, the teacher pushed me downstairs today."
……
How do you feel when you hear your child say these words? Do you believe in children? What would you do?
Is it heartache? worry? wrath? Blaming the teacher? Complain to the director?
Let's first look at a few real-world examples:
1
I remember once my son came back from kindergarten and said, "Mom, I was beaten by the teacher." ”
"Why did the teacher hit you?"
"Because I was playing with the children during my nap, I was sucked by the teacher."
I was confused and planned to complain to the director of the park, but the phone did not answer.
At night, when I went to bed, my son gently swept my cheek with his hand, and he said that this is how the teacher hit me.
Haha, the son said that the call turned out to be so, ah, fortunately the phone was not connected, or it would cause a big mistake.
2
Once, when I was attending a kindergarten activity, a little girl told her mother, "I was kicked by a child." ”
Her mother smiled and said, "This kid will really sue." ”
It turned out that the child just kicked off the building block he had built.
Fortunately, his mother witnessed all this.
3
Neighbor Niu Niu came back from kindergarten with a swollen forehead, and her mother asked what was going on, and Niu Niu said she didn't know.
Asked if it was the teacher who hit it, niu niu nodded.
This can make the cow and cow mother angry, tea does not want to think about food and wait for the cow and cow father to come home, together to go to the kindergarten to ask for an explanation.
As a result, the cow cow father came back and said that the swelling on the forehead was bitten by mosquitoes in the bushes of the community when he went to the kindergarten in the morning, and somehow it did not subside after a day.
4
A kindergarten child ran home and said to his mother, "Mom, the teacher pushed me down from the second floor." ”
The mother believed it and said her children never lied.
Regardless of the three seven twenty-one, quickly called to blame the teacher, did not listen to the teacher's explanation, hung up the phone, and made a very unpleasant noise.
Later, a parent came out to clarify the matter, saying that when he went to pick up the child, he saw this scene with his own eyes:
When this child went to the toilet, he pushed another child down and hit the wall, and the child who was pushed down held his head and cried and complained to the teacher, and the teacher criticized the child fiercely, but the teacher did not push the child downstairs.
What a wrong teacher!!!
How do parents judge the truth in their children's words? Regarding the reasons for the child's complaint when he returns home, the expert says:
1. After being bullied by others, I want to seek the protection of adults.
2, in order to find a solution to the problem. Children are often at a loss when they encounter problems, so they "file a complaint" to ask adults to help solve the problem.
3. Report others, hoping that adults will affirm his judgment of right and wrong.
4, the pursuit of self-expression, want to get a positive evaluation from adults.
5, do something wrong to avoid responsibility, free from criticism and punishment.
6. Jealousy of others, attempting to demean others and elevate oneself in favor of complaints.
It seems that the child's complaint may not only be for help, but also for evasion of responsibility, the pursuit of self-expression, or simple jealousy.
We hope that parents can seriously judge after listening to the child's complaints, negotiate carefully with the teacher, and try not to hurt the teacher, because the harm to the teacher is actually a kind of harm to the child.
The child goes home to file a complaint, what should the parents do?
1, do not force the question: did you do it?
I don't remember how many times, after I fully understood that my child was lying, I kept asking," "Did you do it?" "However, forcing children to admit that they lied and making them feel guilty is better than simply showing them how to solve the problem." For example: Here's a rag for me to clean up the bathroom together.
2. Maintain positive rhetoric
Notice the difference between "a child who lies is a bad boy" and "it's important to tell the truth." When we authoritatively and use positive language to convey information to our children, they don't feel blamed. Conversely, dissipating rhetoric can make children feel badly labeled and cause them to hide their bad behavior later.
3. Seek open communication
Is your relationship based on security and trust, even when the child is misbehaving? I really want my kids to feel like they can open up to me at any time, even if they're doing something wrong.
4. Praise the child for telling the truth
When your child admits that he broke the DVD player, he should get your compliment for his honesty: "You shouldn't get the DVD player yourself, I hope you don't do it again." But I'm glad you can tell me the truth. "Of course, you also have to make him understand that telling the truth does not mean that the mistakes he has made are allowed.
5. Help your child correct mistakes
Your child lied, and if things can be resolved, help him correct and make up for the mistake together. For example, ask him to grab a rag and dry the water she spilled on the table. This is to show children that mistakes they make can be easily fixed without lying.
6, when the child does something wrong, do not get angry
Easier said than done, right. But one of the main reasons children lie is to avoid the anger of their mothers. Of course, they don't want to get in trouble, but they also don't want to see you sad. Try to control your temper and encourage your child to tell the truth. If their truth is exchanged for mom's disappointment and frustration, do you think they'll do it next time?
Instead, let your child see that even if they bravely admit the truth, you won't get angry. Really don't get angry and stick with it. This doesn't mean that their bad behavior doesn't have to bear any consequences, but you can discipline them calmly.