"Tips for Educating Children" daily classic, good teacher and friend
In the critical period of children's growth, giving children old clothes will affect the child's psychology and the aesthetics of a lifetime.
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Author | Cuckoo Mama
Source | Cuckoo Mama (yugu005)
I was born into a big family, so after my daughter was born, she had several older siblings in front of her.
And these children grow up fast, and there are naturally more clothes that they can't wear.
There are many of them are quite new, and the old man feels that it is a pity to throw it away, so he puts it away and says that it is left for the children behind to wear.
And this "child behind" is my daughter.
Although the clothes were old, they were actually not bad, so I accepted them for my daughter.
Fortunately, her heart is big, and she jumps up and down every day in the clothes of her brother and sister, and she doesn't care.
When she was 2 or 3 years old, she loved to make a fuss, she threw herself on the ground without a word, she wore old clothes toss, I was not distressed, and I also saved a lot of money, killing two birds with one stone.
However, as my daughter grew older, especially after kindergarten, I stopped wearing other people's old clothes for her.
Because, psychology points out, if material conditions permit, never give children old clothes.
Although "forever" is debatable, after the child reaches the age of 3 or 4, if the conditions are not too difficult, I also recommend not to wear other people's old clothes for the child.
There are three reasons for this:
01
Influence a lifetime of temperament
The book Catching Sensitive Periods in Children states:
When the child is about 4 years old, he will enter the "aesthetic sensitivity period".
Children in this period are particularly fond of beauty, especially girls.
When my niece was 4 years old, she liked to rummage through my makeup bag often, and every time I put on makeup, she would always look at it carefully.
Once she asked me, "Aunt, can I put on makeup?" ”
I couldn't bear to refuse the little girl's request, so I agreed.
Unexpectedly, she also looked in the mirror and drew her eyebrows, smeared blush, and put on lipstick.
After putting on makeup, she also put on her princess headdress and put on her mother's high heels.
When she was dressed, she asked, "Am I pretty?" "It made everyone laugh."
Some authors argue that:
"The aesthetics of childhood lay the foundation for a person's aesthetic tendencies and quality of life throughout life, and determine a person's temperament after adulthood."
Some girls wear casually, and dozens of yuan of clothes can wear thousands of yuan of temperament.
And some people, even if the whole body is full of brand names, but it feels a little worse.
In fact, this is determined by a person's judgment of aesthetics from childhood to adulthood.
And the child to develop aesthetic sensitivity period, not only to buy him "good-looking" clothes, but also to buy "he thinks it looks good" clothes.
Sometimes we think old clothes look good, but children don't necessarily like them.
If the child is always dressed in the old clothes worn by others, he will not have the opportunity to choose "beauty", and it will be difficult to develop the ability of "aesthetic".
If we want our child to successfully pass through the aesthetic sensitivity period, we need to give him the opportunity to choose in addition to not letting the child wear old clothes.
Families with conditions, when taking their children to buy clothes, shoes and socks, can let them pick them himself.
If you feel that the clothes your child chooses are not cost-effective, or beyond the scope of affordability, then in the existing clothes, try to respect the child's opinion - let him choose the clothes or combinations he wants to wear, rather than forcing him to wear which one.
02
Produces a sense of "helplessness"
Psychology has a term called "sense of control", which refers to a person who believes in his own choices, judgments, and believes that his actions are consistent with the corresponding results.
If a person's "sense of control" is not strong, there will be a state of "helplessness" - feeling that they do not have the ability to control and change the current state and situation.
The child's long-term wearing of other people's old clothes will not only affect the development of his "aesthetic sensitivity period", but also affect the development of his "sense of control".
Because it has been passively accepted and cannot choose the style you like, the child will have the feeling of "he cannot decide".
This feeling is not only reflected in the aspect of dressing, but also in all aspects of life.
Over time, he would "learn to be helpless" – I didn't know what to do.
In fact, not wearing other people's old clothes has nothing to do with the family's wealth or poverty, but is just a concept of parents.
But it may be this small "frugal" behavior that brings many subtle psychological changes to children.
Some children grow up lacking in assertiveness and independence, relying on others to make decisions.
This "sense of helplessness" is not the child's innate personality, but most likely, it is caused by his failure to develop a "sense of control" in childhood.
03
Not confident
Why not recommend that children still wear other people's old clothes after the age of 3?
Because of this period, the child is almost in kindergarten.
Before my daughter was 3 years old, I didn't care much about her image, let her play, release her nature, and it didn't matter if her clothes were dirty.
But after entering kindergarten, you can't continue to be dirty.
Because after the age of 3, the child's self-awareness has developed to a certain extent, he began to care about other people's opinions and evaluations, especially in interpersonal relationships.
The future I want is to see a sense of security
At this stage, children's self-worth begins to sprout, and they will gradually develop self-confidence.
A child, if he wears other people's old clothes for a long time, but sees that the clothes worn by his companions are all beautiful and shiny, he will inevitably have a gap in his heart.
Coupled with the fact that some children are childlike, one or two unconscious words may bring great harm to the baby.
In such a comparison, the child's self-confidence will be affected.
People who do not have a strong sense of self-worth, corresponding to it, are developing inferiority.
Children with low self-esteem, when they grow up, usually have two manifestations:
"Show off":
Some people love to show off in a high profile, which is actually a manifestation of inferiority, because the more they lack something, the more they have to show off what they have.
"Jealousy":
If showing off is to show what you have, then jealousy is not to see or even destroy what others have, such a child, when he grows up, will often be distressed by things that have nothing to do with himself, and the happiness index is not high.
Of course, this is not to say that I can't wear other people's old clothes at all, after all, when I was a child, I was also a child who grew up wearing my brothers and sisters and other people's clothes.
If the conditions do not allow it, then generously accept it, and also tell the child:
"This is only temporary, and a person's value does not come from what you wear on the outside, but from what you wear inside."
What kind of person you think you are, what kind of person you can be.
That's all that matters! ”
But if family conditions permit, parents try not to dress their children in other people's old clothes.
Material conditions are not lacking, but they must be in a state of "being given charity" for a long time, and the child's psychology will inevitably be unbalanced.
A child unconsciously becomes a "handout" role, this attitude is very likely to be internalized into the human subconscious, gradually, he is not willing to pursue good things, more and more casual, easy to compromise.
For children, they do not need a full brand, but they need clean and elegant and aesthetic clothes to give them the opportunity to be recognized.
Even the youngest children have a sense of superiority, the pursuit of excellence, is everyone's psychological needs, and clean clothes are the basis for them to meet psychological needs and pursue self-confidence.
Not wearing "old clothes" is not vanity, but to help children grow better, so that children can build a reasonable self-worth - "I deserve to wear new clothes".
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