From the perspective of a professional psychological counselor, from the perspective of psychology, but also from the past practice of counseling cases some suggestions, perhaps you will be inspired.
From a psychological point of view, it is difficult for us to forget a person, who has had an important impact on our past lives, thinking, values, and living conditions. The image, behavior, and attitude towards ourselves are all deeply embedded in our brain subconscious.
If you think about it, what kind of people are the easiest to remember in the past? Classmates, colleagues, relatives, leaders
...... Who are you most likely to remember among these people?
A bland person may be your life passerby, and you can't even remember having contact with him. And the person who has stabbed you deeply, the person who hurt you, is the easiest person to remember. Psychologically speaking, this is a kind of human instinct, people always have a tendency to seek advantage and avoid harm, the reason why we are easy to remember pain is that our body subconsciously sends a warning signal to you, that is, to stay away from similar people and events, so as to play a defensive role.
You might say, no, I'm new to him, and I always think of some good times with him. In fact, this is an illusion. The reason why we remember some good events in the past shows that our past experiences are not actually beautiful, just short-lived. Let's take an example, for example, I often remember how my mother made me a baked sweet potato when I was a child, how it was so sweet and delicious, and it still has a lot of memories. However, when I eat sweet potatoes now, I can't eat that taste.
Why? In fact, most of the time we are in a state of hunger, and in a state of hunger, you give you a piece of delicious food, the human sensory system will behave extremely sensitive, will deeply store this feeling memory, preserved in the brain memory system. This is also a survival instinct of people, so you will remember deeply and feel good afterwards, but at the same time, you ignore that most of the time, you are in a state of hunger.
When I was consulting offline, I also met such a woman, talking about his ex, she would describe how the ex had been good to her, and complained about how her current husband was inferior to her ex. I asked, what did you break up with your ex? She was a little stunned for a moment, she said, because he was spending time with me, and in his dealings with me, he was also maintaining improper relationships with other women. She couldn't stand it, so she broke up because of the big fight. I said to her, I've been talking to you for so long and you've never mentioned his spending, can you explain?
She was silent for a long time and said, I don't know, but I often compare the current with my ex, and I feel that the current does not understand me enough, is not considerate enough, and does not have a sense of passion with the current.
From this woman's case, it is not difficult to conclude that the reason why this lady is obsessed with her ex is not that her ex is very good, but also very careful, but only that her ex gave her what she wanted at the right time. We all say that sending charcoal in the snow will make the other party grateful to you for a lifetime, which is this psychological principle.
The reason you love him is that you have found in the other person what you need psychologically. Your psychological deficiency, he just gave to make up for it. At this time, you will turn a blind eye to all the advantages of the other party that you do not lack, and you will also turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of the other party.
Our love is selective, I lack money, I have suffered from no money, then I will subconsciously look for rich people, as long as the other party has money, I will be moved, as for the other party's other shortcomings, I often ignore, choose to turn a blind eye, and even, even if I see, will continue to convince my heart for my own needs
#生活中的心理学 #
Rational conflict. For example, she loves me, just a momentary impulse to cheat; he is too stressed, so he temporarily loses his mind and violently exerts violence on me, as long as he changes next time, and other excuses to resolve the inner conflict.
Okay, let's get back to the question itself, how do you forget about someone you like? First of all, you have to realize that your own inner psychological deficiency may be what your original family did not give you (such as lack of self-confidence, excessive dependence, emotional fluctuations, past psychological trauma, etc.), perhaps you do not have it yourself, perhaps caused by your cognitive bias, or other reasons.
Next, you need to fix or recompile. Only when you are aware of it will you purposefully perfect, and when you perfect, you will find that he is no more than that, and your interest in him will naturally disappear. When your cognitive system rises to a new level, you will find that people who are better than him abound, how I used to be so stupid and naïve.
If you don't realize it, you naturally won't fix it, and you may be attracted to the same type of person. That's why some women will complain, why do I always meet scumbags, good men how can I not touch?