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"Derailment" has always been a topic that people are very keen to discuss. With the development of the times, people's concept of marriage is becoming more and more open, and "cheating" seems to be common.
And today, with the rapid popularization of the Internet, the phenomenon of "derailment" appears more and more frequently in the public's field of vision.
In this regard, many people said that they are very worried about this uncontrollable marital risk.
Even because they are afraid of their other half cheating, there are not a few people who are "afraid of marriage" and "afraid of love".
So is "cheating" really that common? What are the reasons for "derailment"?
The answer to this is a new study by Dutch psychology professor Giulia Zoppolat.
"Outside temptation" is not the main inducement?
The conclusion of the study shows that the degree of desire for a new relationship is more likely to lead to the occurrence of cheating behavior than the degree of temptation from the outside world.
In addition, the study conducted a statistical analysis of more than 1,000 samples and found that the proportion of people who had "had cheating thoughts" was as high as 65%. However, less than 10% of the people put the idea of cheating into practice.
In other words, although it is relatively common for people to cheat "with intention", there are still relatively few people who actually cheat.
Professor Giulia Zoppolat said, "In fact, the number of potential third parties and the degree of external temptation do not lead to infidelity.
What really leads to cheating is the cheating partner's desire for a new relationship and the pressure he/she feels in the current relationship."
In addition, according to a statistic from the Ministry of Civil Affairs of the mainland, from the perspective of the occupational composition of each gender, female cheating is mainly composed of full-time mothers, while male cheating is dominated by computer industry practitioners.
At this point, many people may have begun to wonder, after all, this result is very different from everyone's usual impression. Housewives and IT men are all "honest people" in everyone's impression on weekdays, why is their cheating rate higher?
To understand why, we need to understand what causes cheating.
Why do people always cheat? Why do cheating people always cheat repeatedly? Is it nature? Or is it something else?
Why do people cheat?
In his writings, the famous psychologist Sigmund Freud analyzed the motivations of infidelity. Freud believed that infidelity is an individual's expression of his or her inner desires.
The root cause is mostly their pursuit of self-satisfaction and self-realization.
From this point of view, each of us has the potential to develop a need for individual expression and self-satisfaction. Therefore, most people will have the idea of cheating.
In addition, from a biological point of view, there is indeed a "cheating gene" in some human bodies, that is, the dopamine receptor gene.
Dopamine, in layman's terms, is a substance that transmits "happiness" to the nerves. People with dopamine receptor genes tend to prefer to pursue emotions such as stimulation and pleasure, which is mainly manifested as "easy to get bored" in relationships.
In addition, the level of sex hormone secretion will also affect the probability of cheating.
Generally speaking, people with higher levels of testosterone and oxytocin, i.e., male and female hormones, tend to have stronger desires and are more likely to cheat.
As for the phenomenon of "there are only zero and countless times of cheating", psychologists have also explained.
Rachel from "Friends" once said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." The meaning of this sentence is: one infidelity, a lifetime of infidelity.
This phenomenon is because people's thinking is "path dependent", and as a person lies, the shame of lying will gradually weaken, and the moral bottom line will decrease step by step, so "cheating only once and countless times" is a very common phenomenon.
In addition to this, there is another effect in biology known as the "Coolidge effect".
This effect means that after a male mammal mates with a female, if another female in heat appears, he will immediately re-estrus and mate with her.
The "Coolidge effect" occurs by increasing the "freshness" after the original stimulus has ended. This phenomenon is also common in human society, that is, we often say "like the new and hate the old".
Speaking of which, many people may feel that "cheating" is a part of human nature. However, as we generally acknowledge, the most important thing in marriage is fidelity.
So how to overcome this so-called "nature" and restrain the psychology of cheating?
How to avoid cheating?
Wang Yongbin, a scholar of the Qing Dynasty, put forward a widely circulated view in "Night Talk Around the Fireplace": "No matter what you do, no one is perfect when you talk about your heart." This sentence is worthy of the admonition of everyone in love and marriage.
Yan Ying, a famous lobbyist in the Spring and Autumn Period, was quite appreciated by his monarch Qi Jinggong.
Once, Qi Jinggong invited Yan Ying and his wife to his house to drink. In the middle of the staggering, Qi Jinggong saw that Yan Ying's wife was aging, so he said to Yan Ying: "Your wife is so old and ugly, I happen to have a young and beautiful daughter, do you want to marry her to you as a wife?" ”
But when Yan Ying heard this, she stood up and said to Qi Jinggong:
"When my wife married me, she was also young and beautiful, but the years passed and she lost her beautiful face. What's more, I was short and ugly when I was young, and my wife didn't like it, so I have been with me so far, how can I abandon my love and marry the princess? ”
After that, Yan Ying decisively left the table and returned home with his wife. Since then, Yan Ying and his wife are still in love with each other, and they grow old together.
Yan Ying's attitude towards his wife is the best interpretation of "loyalty, responsibility, and morality" in marriage.
In today's society, as relationships between people become more complex, the temptations faced by everyone are increasing day by day. In this complex temptation, only by sticking to oneself can we not fall into the quagmire.
Therefore, in our love life, we can prevent ourselves from falling to the point of cheating by establishing the following concepts:
First of all, improve self-control and try to "delay gratification"
Whether in love life, work, or study, high self-control is very important for everyone. In relationships, when we feel all kinds of temptations from the outside world, we should always be sober, self-controlled, and avoid turning our impulses into actions, causing irreparable consequences.
The second is to do new things with the old people, not with the new people.
For many people, "freshness" is an integral part of their love life. After two people have been together for a long time, it is inevitable that the novelty will fade, and people commonly call the "seven-year itch" is caused by this reason.
Faced with this situation, many people will choose to cheat. But we can choose to change our mindset, and the source of freshness is behavior, not individuals. Therefore, we can choose to try new things with our partner, such as traveling, watching movies, preparing small surprises, etc., to rekindle the fire of love.
Then refuse the care of the opposite sex and keep a distance from the opposite sex.
Most of the infidelity starts with not refusing the care of the opposite sex. If you want to avoid cheating, you must learn to reasonably refuse the care of the opposite sex and keep a reasonable distance from the opposite sex at work and in life.
If this is not the case, a third party with ulterior motives is very likely to take advantage of the situation and destroy the relationship.
summary
To sum up, there are many factors that can lead to cheating, but the key factor that can avoid cheating, in the final analysis, lies in the self-cultivation of each of us.
In addition, everyone should understand that the road of affection is not a smooth road, but a small road full of thorns and potholes. Every relationship requires unremitting efforts and continuous perseverance on both sides in order to finally achieve positive results.
Finally, I hope that readers can reap their own happy love.
Resources:
- HE Yun. Reflections on the Phenomenon of "Marital Cheating" in Contemporary Social Life. Legal system and society[N].2016(27).
- Tang Xiaoling. On the fault and responsibility of spiritual infidelity in marriage and family. Legal system and society[N].2012(01).
- QIAN Wei. What is the problem with marital derailment?.Drug and people[N].2013-06-26.