Wu Zhihong said in the book "Why Does Home Hurt People":
What matters is not what happens, but how the other person feels. We need to always remember that the communication of feelings is the most important thing in intimate relationships.
”
Between family members, it is easy to make conflicts because of some small things, in fact, most of them have different positions, resulting in different emotions.
There are fans in the background who have left a message: "My nephew borrowed from my home for 3 years, and when he returned to his hometown, he was put on a cold face by his brother and sister-in-law, what did I do wrong?" ”
After watching this fan's experience, as long as there is a feeling,
Sometimes, not all the efforts will be appreciated.
01. Nephew borrows the family to study at home, and there is no way to refuse the affection
Liu Juan (pseudonym) and her husband are free love, both work in the provincial city, and when they got married, they each paid half of the down payment to buy a house in the city.
Usually, Liu Juan and her husband are busy at work, rarely go home, when the in-laws and mother-in-law are in their hometown, there are big brothers and sisters-in-law in their hometown, they work locally, and their living conditions are a little worse.
Every time they see Liu Juan and they go home, they will show an envious expression, saying that they are still good at studying and have more opportunities for development.
Liu Juan is also very polite, she encourages her nephew to study well, grow up to enter a good university, in order to encourage her nephew to study, she sees in the provincial city that there are good learning materials for her nephew to buy, and will also bring a variety of toys to her nephew.
Liu Juan and her husband got married late, waited for 3 years after marriage to have children, went back to the nephew is very close, the sister-in-law is very good at talking, said to Liu Juan: "This child is the closest to you, let him be more kind to his aunt when he grows up." ”
Seeing that the sister-in-law loves to talk and laugh, Liu Juan does not treat her nephew as an outsider, sometimes the nephew is on vacation, and will receive a few days of play at home, when the nephew is in high school, he is admitted to a middle school in the provincial city, and the sister-in-law consults with Liu Juan to let the nephew live in her house for 3 years.
At that time, Liu Juan's child was still young, her mother came to help with the child, Liu Juan considered that there was someone cooking at home, there was also a room, her own child was small, you can let your nephew live first, she directly agreed.
After the mother-in-law learned of this incident, she reminded Liu Juan to pay attention to the fact that even her brothers should clearly calculate the account, and how much living expenses should be paid is not polite
Liu Juan smiled, she felt that her mother-in-law was too nervous, and how much a child could eat, her own family was not unaffordable.
Originally, she felt that this was a good thing, and when her nephew had a job in the future, she would also miss her efforts, and the feelings between her family would be better, and she did not expect that she would cause trouble for herself.
02. In the end, who is more aggrieved, different positions and different feelings
The nephew lived in Liu Juan's house for 3 years, and spent most of his time in the room except for calling him to eat.
Considering that her nephew is nervous about learning, Liu Juan also asked her mother not to let Xiaobao argue, so as not to affect her nephew's homework, and usually pays attention to the combination of meat and vegetables, and tries to make the nephew nutritionally balanced.
Once the nephew said that the classmate had a birthday, Liu Juan was a little worried, specifically asked whether it was a boy or a girl, at 10 o'clock in the evening, she ran to pick him up and go home, I don't know why, she felt that the nephew's face was not happy.
Another time, the nephew took a girl shopping, the two in the neighborhood next to the cinema door, discussed buying tickets to go in, just Liu Juan came back from work, asked a few more questions, the result of the girl angry and left.
Back Liu Juan worried that her nephew had an idea, so she talked to him on her knees, told her nephew to study hard, wait until it was too late to fall in love after being admitted to college, don't let her parents worry, the nephew superficially agreed, and turned around and didn't talk to Liu Juan.
Liu Juan was worried that her nephew had something on her mind, and let her husband play games with her nephew, and then chatted with him, and saw that her nephew had a smile on her face before putting her heart down.
3 years passed quickly, the nephew was admitted to a 211 university, but also into his favorite school, brother and sister-in-law to do a promotion banquet, did not invite Liu Juan two sons, Liu Juan called her mother-in-law, knew about this matter, thought that the sister-in-law was busy, ignored herself, just on the weekend, she and her husband drove home, and prepared 2000 red envelopes.
As a result, after returning to chat between relatives, a relative asked Liu Juan: "What do you do with your child, let the child be so aggrieved?" ”
"What grievance?" Liu Juan looked confused.
After understanding, Liu Juan knew
The nephew came back to tell his parents that he had been wronged under the eaves of the sender, did not dare to eat enough, went out to report, and Liu Juan was too strict, making him very faceless in front of his classmates, and his emotions had been very depressed.
The brother and sister-in-law felt that Liu Juan was too stingy, and publicly took 10,000 yuan to Liu Juan, saying that the child lived in her house for 3 years, and it should be used as living expenses, so that the two did not owe each other.
Liu Juan is very embarrassed, she never thought about living expenses, but her kindness has been deliberately misinterpreted, and there is a feeling that good people have no good rewards.
Seeing that she did not speak, the eldest brother continued:
Fortunately, my son is sensible, and if you can't get into college, I won't rely on you. ”
This sentence completely angered Liu Juan, she stood up at once, and was about to speak, only to see her mother-in-law come over, slap the eldest son's face, and then take the ten thousand pieces, directly stuffed it into Liu Juan, and said to the eldest son:
To be a person, you must know gratitude, the abacus beads only dial into their arms is not a skill, I see Liu Juan has a shortcoming, that is, to see people can not. ”
Listening to her mother-in-law's words, Liu Juan's anger also went down a lot.
03. Between family members, there should also be a sense of proportion
Home is really not a reasonable place, sometimes you have a good heart, but also easy to be misunderstood.
Especially in the case of children, parents are easy to listen to and believe, resulting in a small matter, resulting in a gap between brothers.
Liu Juan did not do anything wrong, if she was wrong, it was to take a big package of her nephew.
Even if it is a nephew, it should not cover each other's life, especially adolescent children, thinking changes quickly, it will also be because of emotional things, if not handled properly, even parents will turn their faces, let alone aunts?
Liu Juan is very responsible for her nephew, and it is precisely because of strict management that her nephew was admitted to ruyi university, but in her nephew's heart, she did not give herself face, and it is inevitable that there will be complaints, and smart parents will ignore the details and see Liu Juan's efforts.
Over here
I also want to remind everyone not to easily agree to help people take care of children, if you must help, it is best to help each other rent a house, let the child's parents follow, even if it is financially supported, do not interfere in each other's lives.
Liu Juan fortunately met a mother-in-law who could carry a clear bag, stood up for her in time, and also allowed Liu Juan's grievances to be released, at least not misinterpreted in front of relatives.
But not everyone is so lucky, it also requires us to think a little more about doing things, help people also have to be measured, lose the sense of boundaries, and the most vulnerable people are often themselves.
Give it a thumbs up and go! Do you think you should let your nephew live in your own home for 3 years?