Wen | condensed mother's understanding
People often say that children are their own good, how to see how cute, especially preschool children, is simply a genius!
But some parents, on the contrary, when their children are very young, they can't help but compare with other children, and always use their own children's disadvantages to compare with the advantages of other children, and as a result, they think that their children are not smart and have no cure. Raising children with such prejudices, how can children have good results?
There was a young mother who was stuck in such a dilemma and couldn't extricate herself, so let's look at her story.
There is a boy in the family, a little over 3 years old, who has always disliked playing puzzle toys and games. Toys in his hands are torn to pieces, puzzles can not play, blocks will only build a few fixed styles, logic dogs do not want to play when they hear it.
No matter what things are casually fiddled with, just say no, adults want to teach him, he said not to play, no play, no spirit of exploration, but also particularly easy to give up, attention is not concentrated.
Look at the children in the community, everyone plays with assembly, disassembly, deformation, logic dog, all play very well, and focused and smart.
In short, it is not to learn things at all, not even to play, it is not smart, the more it does not move, the more stupid it is?
Seeing such a description, my heart is quite heavy, my family's second treasure is more than 4 years old, and it is not smarter than this child.
Like to do damage, do not like the toy as soon as thrown, just want to let it break. Puzzles will play simple, about 30 pieces can do, more will have the fear of difficulties. The building blocks are not easy to build, that is, they will build simple styles such as tall buildings and cars. Logic dogs have not played, and when they encounter toys that are not playing well, they will pick and choose.
Heck, if according to this mother's evaluation standards, my family's second treasure is not smart, but how I didn't think about it, I still look at the child with an appreciative eye, I believe that his brain is no problem, and the development is normal.
Children are smart and not smart, not compared with others, but have evaluation criteria
When I was young, I attended the nursery teacher training and learned the child's intelligence evaluation criteria, that is, the evaluation of "development quotient".
The common method used is the development scale compiled by pediatrician and psychologist Geisel in 1940, which is divided into adaptation, large movements, fine movements, language, social interaction and other aspects of evaluation.
For 3-year-olds, the following criteria are generally met.
Adaptability: can build a 10-story tower, will still build a bridge, still draw vertical lines, draw horizontal lines, draw circles, draw "ten" characters, say the name of their own painting, add a part of the unfinished person, put 5 color plates, 7 geometric figures, repeat three digits, three tries and one percent.
Big moves: alternately walk down the stairs with both feet, jump long, and stand on one foot for 2 seconds.
Fine movements: Build a 10-story tower and put 10 small pills into the bottle in 25 seconds and penetrate the bead holes.
Language: Will use "and", "but" to connect sentences, can say the full nursery rhyme, say the names of 6 objects, say gender, answer a question, understand the strength of the sound, understand two prepositions.
Social: Pouring water into the cup can be controlled, going to the toilet by yourself, not wetting the bed at night, knowing the order of priority, playing communicative games, washing and drying your own hands, and buttoning.
You can use the above standards to test the child, if there is some of the movement will not or unskilled it does not matter, let the child have targeted practice, the child can learn, can not say that the child is not smart, but the lack of practice and experience.
If you simply and rudely use this standard card child, label the child as not smart, look at the child unfavorably, have prejudice against the child, and unconsciously give the child a hint that he is not smart, it will ruin the child.
Brain scientist Professor Hong Lan once said: "The brain can be changed by language." It will constantly change the distribution of nerves due to external needs. ”
Professor Susan Ward, a psychologist, said: "Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas." ”
If you give the child a negative evaluation, the child will really become more and more stupid as it is implied, and the parents must have a snack.
Children's development has established laws, but it is also individualized
The child's development is indeed regular, 30 months to build a 9-story tower, 36 months to build a 10-story tower, the ability is definitely getting stronger and stronger. However, each child is very individualized, and it is related to the child's own development and environmental support.
If every child is the same, as of the day of the 3rd birthday, without teaching, without practicing, click has learned to build a 10-story tower, then it has not become a robot that has set a good program.
Don't say that it is a child of different families, it is two children of the same family, and the development law will be different.
When Dabao was 3 years old, he used scissors very well and could cut paper himself. Erbao is 4 years old and is not skilled enough, nor does he like to play paper cutting. Dabao likes to play with patchwork toys at the age of 3, from simple independent small animals, transportation, to some animated scene toys, to some famous buildings at home and abroad, and only at the age of five or six to play with Lego bricks. Erbao is more than 4 years old, paper patchwork toys have never been played, just like to play with Lego bricks, but also can not create any shape. Dabao was about three or four years old and had played logic dogs, and Erbao had never played with him. Dabao only played Thomas Train when he was 5 years old, and Erbao immersed himself in it every day when he was more than 4 years old.
Dabao and Erbao have these differences, just because the resources provided to them are different, which toys are more exposed to, which toys are early, and there will be a stronger interest.
For example, Thomas Train, when Dabao was more than 5 years old, appeared on the market. After Erbao was born, there were these toys in the family, and he played with these toys from birth, which was impressive, and naturally preferred and played earlier.
For example, Dabao has never played with puzzles and stickers because we don't know about such toys and haven't provided them for him. After having the second treasure, we had a new acquaintance, provided him with puzzles and stickers, he touched, and played with it when he thought it was fun.
Families with twins, their two children's preferences are not necessarily the same, the neighbor's twin sons, one likes to run wildly, one likes to be quiet, the same way of education, creating two different children, this is most likely to be different personalities.
Therefore, each child is unique, do not easily compare your own children with other children, your children do not like to play educational toys, to a large extent, it is not yet time, you need to wait slowly.
If you want to make your child smart, you need beneficial stimulation, not just educational toys and games
The brain is more and more intelligent, but it is not only to play puzzle games and educational toys to be smart, to respect the child's brain development law, diversified development is good.
"Cultivating children is to cultivate the brain" mentioned that the development step of the brain is the body brain - thinking brain - the mind brain, and the cultivation of the brain starts from the body brain. From birth to 8 years old, it is the golden period of children's brain shaping, parents provide beneficial stimulation to children, and children's brains can develop healthily and steadily.
The beneficial stimulation here is not a profound big thing, but a common sense life experience, sleeping, eating, exercising, maintaining a good mood, doing these well, can promote the development of the child's body and brain.
The child's thinking brain begins to develop from the age of 1, we can cultivate the child's language ability, fine movements, through some games to establish the connection between the body brain and the thinking brain, so that the brain is fully developed.
Cultivating language skills is to talk to children more in various scenarios and expose children to various languages of life. In addition, with the help of reading, children can learn higher quality language.
Cultivate fine movements, including drawing, paper cutting, origami, playing with blocks, playing with puzzles, playing with stickers, playing with clay, throwing balls, flipping books and other hand movements.
Games, can be peek-a-boo, jumping, crazy running, can also be finger games, rhythm games, so that children like to participate, have fun with a variety of free play, can be called games.
Therefore, let the child become smart, do not stick to some kind of educational toy or game, all the things that the child can focus on and have fun can promote brain development.
For example, children dismantling things, repeating an action or playing a game are all developing the brain, not abandoning the child, but providing him with opportunities to play freely.
In fact, playing with children is more important than teaching children to play, children like to imitate, and do not like to be guided by machinery. If you can play with your children with anticipation and joy from the bottom of your heart, your children will surely like a variety of toys and games that parents like.
epilogue
Whether the child is smart or not is not a comparison, but there is a set of evaluation criteria, but the main purpose of the evaluation is to find the skills that the child lacks, develop a personalized training plan, and help the child develop the brain.
Each child is unique, his development, preferences are personalized, and others may ignore the child's advantages, so that the child's brain is wronged.
Every child is a malleable talent, but the premise is to provide beneficial stimuli, eating, sleeping, exercising, good mood, all kinds of play, children are physically good, mentally relaxed, playing happily, will become more and more intelligent.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
Accompany children to read, English enlightenment, science enlightenment
Share parenting insights and land parenting dry goods
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