Wen 丨 Qingxin Junyue
What is Feng Xiaoqin's biggest dream? In her own words:
"My biggest dream in my life is to have a house of my own. In Shanghai, such a big city. Before Gu Lei was there, in order to buy a house, we made the chicken fly dog jump. The house was there for a while, not for a while, until the person was tossed to death, and I still didn't buy the house. ”
She could once marry Gu Lei for the sake of a Shanghai hukou, and she made a family jump in order to buy a house.
For Feng Xiaoqin, the hukou and the house are a sign of being based in Shanghai, and it is the goal she has to achieve with all her strength and at the cost of marriage.
However, Gu Lei's unexpected death brought her life back to its original form.
Without Gu Lei, she was embarrassed to live in the Gu family, fearing that she would be kicked out at any time. She also had to plan for her future life and the little tiger's tuition, so she had to go to deliver takeaways to make a living.
Later, she went to great lengths to say that Zhan Xiang invested in a "not too late" nursing home and had a stable job, but it was almost impossible to buy a house with this salary alone.
Just then, fate gave her another chance. Xiao Ding appeared in her life. From all aspects, Xiao Ding's conditions far exceeded Gu Lei's, and he could even match Zhan Xiang. A matrimonial house in a garden villa is enough to prove everything.
It is reasonable to say that the shrewd Feng Xiaoqin will not easily give up this opportunity, except that Feng Xixi feels that this is a rare opportunity: "Sister, you should think clearly." After this village, there is no such shop. ”
Even Shi Yuan had advised her that she could try to get along, in case it did:
"People like us, if we want something, we must rely on ourselves to fight for it, and more importantly, people will always be pushed forward by an inertia." Sometimes we don't know what we want, so we can't let go of any opportunity. I think that man, if you don't particularly hate him, you can try to get along with him. Otherwise, you will always be the daughter-in-law of this family, not yourself. ”
However, in the end, after a brief relationship with Xiaoding, Feng Xiaoqin still unexpectedly refused Xiaoding.
As for the reason, what the drama version wants to convey is the importance of a person's "independence", and Feng Xiaoqin at that time already liked Zhan Xiang.
However, she savored the personality characteristics and experience of Feng Xiaoqin' character, as well as the beginning and end of her acquaintance with Xiaoding. You will find that her rejection of the "rich second generation" Xiaoding is not as simple as we think, and the real reason is actually very realistic.
No matter how good the conditions are, it has nothing to do with her
How good are the conditions of Xiaoding?
At first, Feng Xiaoqin only knew that Xiaoding's conditions were good, he was a civil servant, he had a car and a house, but she didn't know how good it was.
It wasn't until she was pulled by Xiao Ding to see the marriage room that she realized that she had met a real "big family" this time. This made Feng Xiaoqin feel that fate was joking with her:
"Until this rich second generation suddenly came out, as long as I agreed, he could get a license with me every minute, how could this kind of thing happen to me, who is this, in my life, making this kind of joke." 」
In fact, Feng Xiaoqin, who had seen the wedding room, was moved.
Otherwise, she wouldn't have danced and her eyes lit up to describe how luxurious the villa was:
"I've seen big houses, but I've never seen big houses. That high hall in the air, so beautiful, so big. A headlamp hung down for more than ten meters, and the stairs were arranged in a circle like this, with gold edges on the side. Then, most crucially, there was an elevator in his house. The elevator is only in the building, and he has elevators in his house..."
Not to mention, swallow back the words that were originally planned for the showdown that day, and ask Zhan Xiang, Xiao Ding will not have anything wrong with it.
That kind of house was something that Feng Xiaoqin couldn't even think of. Now there is such a person, with such a house, begging her to marry him, saying that it is strange not to be moved.
Even Zhan Xiang said, "Didn't you break up with him? It is also that no one can stand this, it is difficult to choose. ”
It's just that Feng Xiaoqin has never been a "silly girl".
If she hadn't experienced her first marriage, if there was no warning of Gu Lei's death, perhaps she would have jumped in without hesitation. However, her combination with Gu Lei made her understand a truth: no matter how good the other party's conditions were, it had nothing to do with her, and those were people's premarital property.
It's like marrying Gu Lei and living in the Gu family, but the Gu family's house has no half-cent relationship with her, and there is no her name on the real estate certificate. She only has the right to use, not the right to own.
Moreover, with the villa as a wedding house, she didn't even have an excuse to ask Xiaoding to buy another house.
As for the property of the Xiaoding family, it is even more important to consider.
If she marries Xiaoding, the only thing at her disposal is Xiaoding's income as a civil servant, although it is not low, but it will not be particularly high. And No matter how rich Xiaoding's mother is, it has nothing to do with her. Get along well, maybe subsidize them some, get along well, then don't think about it.
To put it bluntly, if she promised Xiaoding, it seems that she has married into the "rich family" and has no worries about food and clothing, but people's things still belong to others. Even if she survived until Xiaoding's parents died and the property was inherited by Xiaoding, the premise was that she would at least give birth to a child for the Ding family. Otherwise, she wanted to contaminate half of the Ding family's property.
This point, as shrewd as Feng Xiaoqin could not have imagined. This is also one of the reasons why she did not agree to marry Xiao Ding.
Marrying Xiaoding is like marrying "the second Gu Lei"
The little Ding who has tens of millions of assets at home does not need to be too motivated at all.
Moreover, Xiao Ding himself did not have too much ambition, so he chose a smooth and stable civil servant job.
At this point, Feng Xiaoqin once asked Xiaoding:
"After you graduated from college, why didn't you go to your mother's company to help?"
If Xiaoding takes over his mother's company, then after Feng Xiaoqin marries Xiaoding, there may be some hope, at least the situation of being financially constrained by her mother-in-law will improve.
But Xiao Ding did not, he was like Gu Lei, only seeking stability. This was not the result Feng Xiaoqin wanted to see.
The salary of a civil servant simply did not satisfy her "ambition" to buy a house of her own. Once she forced Xiaoding like Gu Lei to advance, the result is likely to repeat the same mistakes, the family will quarrel continuously, and even Xiaoding's mother will go down to the battlefield.
Moreover, there is another problem she must face, that is, how Xiaoding's family views her.
Once she was pregnant and married to Gu Lei before marriage, she suffered from the Gu family, especially Gu Qingyu's white eyes and vigilance. Everyone believes that she married Gu Lei for the sake of the hukou and the house, even if she worked hard for 8 years after marriage as a full-time housewife, she still failed to change the gu family's view of her.
Now, her widow has a little tiger with her. Marrying Xiaoding on her terms will only be more criticized. Just like Feng Xiaoqin's question in the play:
"I just don't know, why do you feel that way about me?" I think I'm a few years older than you, I'm not a big beauty, I've been married and I've had children. Then, my ex-husband passed away, I just don't know what you think, I'm afraid you're just teasing me and looking for fun. ”
She knows very well that in her case, Xiao Ding married her as a "low wife".
Even if Xiaoding really likes her, it is difficult to guarantee that the mother-in-law who does business will not think that she has an other purpose. At best, the mother-in-law is enlightened not to participate in their lives, but also not to give too much financial support. Thinking badly, looking down, being difficult and wary everywhere is the greatest possibility.
When the time comes, she will be like a family in the gu family, inferior and thankless.
Expect Xiaoding to support her?
Unlikely.
First, Xiao Ding was not as loyal and honest as he seemed. From his suggestion that if Feng Xixi is suffering from performance, she can go to Gu Xin to rub the side ball, and it can be seen that Xiaoding is a person with a heart and an idea. Such a person, in the face of his own interests, does not take the initiative to guard against Feng Xiaoqin. It is also mentioned in the play that Xiaoding has a crush on Feng Xiaoqin, partly because Feng Xiaoqin has no signs of being angry with him.
Second, Xiaoding has a good relationship with his mother, and it is unlikely that he will clash with his mother for Feng Xiaoqin. Feng Xiaoqin once asked whether Xiaoding was a mother treasure man, although Xiaoding denied it:
"No, no, absolutely not. My mom and I were pretty close, but definitely not for that part. My mother usually doesn't care about me, you don't have to worry about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, my mother is very good to get along with. ”
But Feng Xiaoqin still heard from this passage that there was some meaning of "Ma Bao". In this case, can Feng Xiaoqin really stand up straight in the Ding family?
This is also another reason why she rejects Xiaoding. The gap between the conditions of the two is too large, and it is doomed that there will be many hidden dangers in the married life.
Children's problems and later in life
If Feng Xiaoqin promised Xiaoding, then her most entangled problem should be the child's problem.
She had a little tiger and Feng Danian, an "illegitimate son." In terms of Feng Xiaoqin's personality, she will not ignore her children.
Even if Xiao Ding agreed to let her take the child with him, he was happy to raise it with her. But once Xiaoding proposed to have another child, she basically had no reason to refuse.
After all, Xiao Ding is the only son in the family, and marrying a daughter-in-law but not giving birth to a child cannot be said in any way.
Moreover, only by giving Xiaoding another child can she have a firm foothold in the Ding family and be qualified to make demands or fight for rights and interests. Otherwise she wouldn't even have a basic say.
Having a baby is a problem – resigning.
At this time, Feng Xiaoqin had just gained a firm foothold in "Not Too Late", although it was not her own career, but she could always live on her own.
Once she marries Xiao Ding, she has another child. Then the "not too late" job must be quit, at least 2 to 3 years, she can not come out to work, even if there is a condition to hire a nanny, she can not give up in a short period of time. This was tantamount to completely cutting off her retreat.
When the time comes, how to take care of the little tiger and who will pick it up is also a problem. Handed over to the Gu family? She is reluctant not to hand over to the Gu family, she takes care of herself, the workload of educating two children can be imagined, and the work basically does not have to be considered.
Without a job, she needs to be completely attached to Xiaoding. She knew in her heart what life would be like to be attached to others.
If her relationship with Xiaoding has always been very good, then the situation after marriage does not have to worry too much. Once she and Xiaoding have a problem, even if it is the responsibility of the other party, she has no other way but to hide it.
Of course, then she had the right to file for divorce. But what happens after a divorce?
Gu Lei died, she was in her thirties and still had the opportunity to live on her own. But if she marries Xiaoding and then divorces, not to mention that she can't share much property, it is estimated that there will be no place to live at that time, then, how should she live?
These problems and risks are what Feng Xiaoqin has to consider.
Therefore, it is not that Feng Xiaoqin does not love money, but she knows that the combination with Xiaoding is likely to be another repetition of the same mistakes. She was not at ease.
In other words, if Xiao Ding took the villa book, write her name. Then the ending is likely to be rewritten. After all, she will no longer have any worries, not only can she stay in Shanghai and have her own house, but also have the conditions to seek a future for her "illegitimate son" Feng Danian, how could she refuse?
Therefore, the main reason why she did not agree to Xiaoding is that Gu Lei's death made her understand that it is not realistic to simply rely on marriage to change her life, and there are too many uncertainties in it, and it is likely that people will end up with money and wealth. Once she didn't have that concern, she wouldn't hesitate any longer.
This is not a judgment of Feng Xiaoqin, or a malicious speculation, but human nature is what it is.
As for liking Zhan Xiang, this is only a small part of the reason. Moreover, this like itself is also mixed with certain conditions. If Zhan Xiang is not an "upstart" and there are not more than a dozen houses waiting to collect rent, will she really be moved by Zhan Xiang?
No one can lose the ability to stand on their own two feet at any time
In fact, Gu Lei's death made Feng Xiaoqin, who wanted to change her life, realize that once there was a problem in the life of being attached to others, or her ideas were inconsistent, she could only admit her fate except for forbearance.
What you want, you can only fight for on your own.
Just like in the play, she counts the advantages and disadvantages of Xiaoding with her fingers while thinking about the second half of her life:
"I know, I'm breaking my hand to calculate his conditions." I think I'm in my thirties and I'm going to make a plan for the rest of my life. But I can't get past this in my heart. I felt as if, going back in my twenties, I had married myself to a Shanghai man and relied on him all my life. I'm in my thirties now, and I'm still doing that, and that's not going back to life. ”
At the age of twenty, she chose a shortcut. Now in her thirties, she didn't want to fall twice in one place herself.
Of course, I still agree with Feng Xiaoqin's idea.
In the past, in order to stay in Shanghai, she was too shrewd and calculating. Now, after experiencing the widowhood from the beginning, she truly understands that she will be more confident in getting what she wants by her own efforts.
Just like in the play, when Mrs. Gu questions whether she is late to start with Zhan Xiang and has other thoughts, she can respond with a straight face:
"Grandma, every step I take now is achieved by my own efforts. Never did anything unseemly. This is true today and will be true in the future. ”
Feng Xiaoqin in the TV series, the ending is satisfactory.
Gu Qingyu lent Feng Xiaoqin a down payment and helped her buy a house of her own. Years of dreams, finally come true. And Zhan Xiang valued her efforts to "not be late" and gave her 10% of the shares, which completely solved her worries. Of course, this is just the plot of the TV series, don't be delusional that it will definitely happen in real life.
Finally, I would like to say:
Whether it's facing marriage or facing life. No matter how you choose, we must put our foothold on self-love, self-reliance, and self-improvement. In this way, even if we are helpless to be single or dissatisfied with marriage in the future, we will have the ability to make ourselves live better and have more confidence.
Especially for female friends, we have to fight for a happy marriage, but we must not bet all the bets of happiness on marriage.
Qingxin Junyue, an emotional observer, ta said book critic, film critic. Warm you, me with words.