Author: Insight Onetong
The unrighteous rich are disturbed, and the home and the poor are also sufficient.
There is a cloud in the "Zhu Zi Family Training": "The family door is harmonious, although the food is not good, there is also Yu Huan." ”
A worldly family with a stable and harmonious family is a person's most solid happiness.
If the relatives are not harmonious, the blessings are damaged, and the family will be defeated.
A family stops internal friction and starts with three drops.
01
Let go of blame
I know that there is a question: at what moment do you feel that you have been wronged?
There was a high praise answer:
"It's not being bullied by outsiders when you were a child, or being reprimanded by your boss when you grow up;
Rather, I made a mistake, I blamed myself, and the intimate person not only did not feel relieved, but also kept blaming. ”
I revisited "A Man's Pilgrimage" a few days ago, and the most regrettable thing in the book is the relationship between Harold and Maureen in name only.
The suicide of his son David was a great blow to both husband and wife.
Harold fell into deep self-blame:
"If you usually care more about David, it would be better to know that he suffers from depression."
"If only I had held him in my arms the day I learned he was addicted to alcohol and drugs."
But in Harold's saddest moment, Maureen blamed Harold for her son's death.
He said he wasn't a good father and never gave David love.
This is nothing less than worse for Harold, who lost his son in middle age.
He was so drunk that he broke into the distillery out of control and did something terrible.
Maureen moved into David's room and talked to herself all day about David's black-and-white photographs.
Separated by an insurmountable chasm, the couple had a cold war for 20 years.
Zhang Zhilin once said in an interview:
"When a conflict occurs, first ask yourself, what is the result you want?
Break up? Divorced?
If none of them are, then don't continue to blame. ”
The most sensible thing to do in marriage is to warm each other and encourage each other to go white.
Hans Christian Andersen once wrote a fairy tale "The old man can never be wrong when he does things".
The protagonist of the story is a simple and kind old man who drives his horse to the market and wants to change something "useful".
He first exchanged the horse for the cow, then the cow for the sheep, then the sheep for the goose, the goose for the chicken, and finally, the chicken for a pile of rotten apples.
Exchanging a big horse for a bunch of rotten apples is a stupid act in the eyes of outsiders.
But when he got home, he got a sweet kiss.
When the old man talked about his experience, no matter what he said, the old woman was very happy and said, "That's simply great." ”
At the end of the story, the old woman said: "The old man will never be wrong in doing things." ”
The couple is still harmonious and beautiful.
Marriage is a two-person practice.
When you encounter a problem, ten thousand sentences are blamed on you, and it is better to accompany you than to accompany you.
The so-called longevity is nothing more than one who understands and is generous; one who does not complain and one who does not accuse.
02
Let go of expectations
Counselor Christopher Meng said in Intimate Relationships:
"As exciting as an ideal is, it can be a source of pain in your life, especially in your most important intimate relationships."
In his more than 30-year career, Christopher has met many couples with bad relationships, and he has witnessed many people being discouraged at the center of marriage.
He believes that the expectation of a partner is the biggest killer of marriage.
In reality, how many married women, when chatting with their partners, the style of painting is like this:
The husband of a colleague gave her a designer bag on her wedding anniversary;
You see your classmate, they all bought a third house;
Whoever is next door has become the leader...
The implication is, how can you be so useless?
Putting all your expectations on each other will only amplify each other's shortcomings, ignore each other's efforts, and hurt each other's feelings.
I once read the story of a netizen.
He said that he was going to divorce, married to his wife for more than ten years, and there were many sweet and loving days.
Coming to this step today was something he didn't expect.
After the children went to kindergarten, the wife found a job selling real estate, met many men with successful careers, drove luxury cars, the house was richly decorated, and often took the family out on vacation.
After that, the wife began to dislike him for not being self-motivated and unable to buy a bigger house to make herself and her children live a better life.
In fact, this netizen works in a public institution, after work to take orders to draw design drawings, although there is no great wealth, but the child's piano, Latin dance and other interest classes have not stopped, and the wife's beauty maintenance has not been interrupted.
His wife's repeated complaints made him feel cold, and the relationship between the two became worse and worse.
Liao Yimei once said:
"The less people need from others, the more comfortable and peaceful they will live. No one can fully meet the needs of another person, and the only way is to make it comfortable for themselves. ”
Demanding on your partner, in the end it will only be your own heart tired, and the other party will also be wronged.
In life, contentment can always be happy.
When you lower your expectations, you will find that life is full of surprises.
03
Put aside the calculations
Marshall wrote this in "7 Journeys to a Happy Relationship":
"Problems in a marriage are caused by both parties, and there is no point in calculating who is right and who is wrong."
Life is inevitably bumpy, and husband and wife can go further by embracing each other.
Bingxin's husband, Mr. Wu, is a "nerd", he is very rigorous in academics, but he is very confused in life, and often does some "help" things.
He went to the snack shop to buy sachima for his child, because he did not know the name, and told the salesman that he wanted to buy a "horse";
Bing Xin asked her husband to buy a jacket, and when he arrived at the cloth shop, he forgot and said that he wanted to buy a "feather brush".
Such things often happen to Mr. Wu, but Bing Xin did not have to argue about right and wrong, but laughed and ridiculed: "What a stupid aunt." ”
I've heard a quote like this:
"A family wants peace, and there is always one who has to give in." If both husband and wife want to gain the upper hand and prove that they are right, then the relationship is wrong. ”
Home is a place of love, not a place of reason.
In "The Door of the Big House", the second grandmother played by Sichenkova is an impressive woman.
Before she took charge, the White family's carriage was smashed by the Zhan family, and she has since become resentful.
Adhering to the principle of "small and unbearable, chaotic and big plots", she has always advised the old man to be patient.
But the old man did not listen to the persuasion of the second grandmother, and fought hard with the Zhan family, and a big war, which caused more trouble.
Old Master Bai regretted that he was not in the beginning, he said: "It was good to listen to the second grandmother at the beginning." ”
The second grandmother said: "This matter cannot be tolerated, and when it is time to get out, it will be angry." ”
The prior persuasion was ineffective, and there was no dispute between right and wrong afterwards, so that Old Master Bai admired the second grandmother.
Two people with very different personalities, love each other, which is enviable.
Agree with the saying: "Family is never a battlefield, and partners are not enemies." ”
When encountering problems, the sword will be rattled, and it will only consume the love between the two people a little.
Giving in to each other, regardless of right or wrong, is what a happy family should look like.
▽
The old saying goes: Unrighteousness is rich and troublesome, and home and poverty are also enough.
Having a harmonious and warm home is the greatest achievement of a person's life.
Less blame, less expectations, no dispute over right and wrong, the family will be warm and prosperous.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.