Author | Mulberry night
People's Daily published
10 things that a good dad should teach his child,
Home with children, be sure to check it out.
01
Listen to others
Parents bring their children to do psychological counseling,
Accuse your child about various problems.
At this time, the child bowed his head the whole time and did not say a word.
The counselor said: Can I talk to my child alone?
After Mom and Dad left, the counselor asked:
"Is there anything you want to tell me?"
The child raised his head, his eyes full of tears, and said a word:
"She won't listen to anything I say anyway."
The child's brain is not fully developed,
Attention often cannot be concentrated for too long,
So often "speak" more than "listen".
To raise children who can listen, parents should first listen to their children:
Don't interrupt, listen to your child more.
This will leave the child with an idea:
It's important to listen to others.
02
Learn to apologize
Children are not born to apologize.
For example, he might say these words:
Mom, the water cup fell to the ground by itself. When the wind blew, all my toys collapsed and hit my brother. He fell on his own, not by me.
……
Accidentally overturned the water cup, hurt the little partner,
Your child's first reaction may be embarrassment and confusion.
It's not that the child doesn't know how to apologize.
It's that he really doesn't realize that this has anything to do with himself.
The meaning of a good apology includes:
1. Take the initiative to assume responsibility;
2. Feel the impact of your actions on others;
3. Apologize in the correct language.
It is better practice for parents to set an example first.
"Baby, tell Daddy again,
'I accidentally pushed my brother and my brother fell'
My brother was in pain, really sorry. ”
Teach your child to use this sentence:
"What I did and what consequences did I cause;"
"What kind of behavior I have caused others to feel."
Don't underestimate this sentence that uses "I" to start a sentence.
Although it is only a simple logical association,
But having said this,
It means that the child is learning and understanding:
"If you do something wrong, you have to face it yourself and take responsibility."
Usually, fathers (mothers) admit mistakes to their children,
Make your child aware:
An apology is not cowardice, it is a sign of bravery.
03
Face Violence
Dads want to teach their children:
If you are bullied, don't be afraid.
First, look the other person in the eye.
Shout: "If you do this again, I will beat you!" ”
Remember, be firm, loud, and not lose momentum.
This sentence is on the alert of the other party, to stop;
When he hears your rebuke,
There will be hesitation in action,
Will feel that you are not a weak bully.
And, when you say it out loud,
It is also easy to attract the attention of other students and teachers.
Second, grab his wrist.
If something happens,
First weigh up the strength of yourself and the other party.
As long as you don't have the upper hand, you can take the initiative to defend,
Quickly grab his wrist.
First, after he was caught in the wrist, he could not exert power;
Second, it is to send a signal, I am not easy to mess with!
Third, ignoring and indifferent, making the other party feel bored.
What if there is a huge disparity in strength with the other party?
Many times the purpose of the harasser is to provoke you.
Instead of reacting violently, it is better to treat it with indifference.
Dads must tell their children:
Rest assured, I will always be your patron.
04
Dedication
There was a dad who was washing the dishes, and his son came running up and said,
"Dad, I've helped Mom mop the floor."
After the father listened, he did not praise his son.
He actually said to his son very seriously:
"Son, don't say anything about helping your mother in the future."
The son was particularly puzzled after listening to it.
Why not help?
Dad replied:
"Son, you see every time Dad washes the dishes,
Did you say that you helped your mother wash it?
Every time I mop the floor, did I say that I helped my mother mop the floor?
Because each of us is a member of the family,
Everybody has to eat, everybody has to use a bowl,
Every floor in our home is shared,
So in the future, we must not say that we helped my mother to do it.
We're just doing what we're supposed to do. ”
There is such a concept in "The Courage to Teach Regardless of Teaching":
Cultivate children's spirit of giving,
It is also cultivating children's self-confidence.
Children's self-confidence comes from a sense of value,
The process of children paying for the people around them,
It is the process of feeling self-worth.
05
Fail gracefully
In 2012, Bai Yansong participated in the London Olympic Report,
Here's one thing to say:
There is an important saying for the London Olympics,
It's called "Influencing a Generation."
A reporter asked: "How does sports affect a generation?" ”
An official of the London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games replied:
"Sports teach kids how to win."
This sentence is very normal,
But his next sentence touched me particularly:
"At the same time, teach children how to lose with dignity and dignity."
At home, dads can play games and exercise with their children more.
Tell the child: Failure is not terrible,
Instead, failure is the norm.
Think more about the reasons for failure, try again and again,
More important than success.
06
Moderate adventure
There is a "garbage playground" in the UK:
Faded plastic boats lie hulking sideways,
Next to it are discarded tires, paint-off tin barrels,
A chair missing a corner...
Here, children can spread wilderness everywhere,
Do a lot of things that adults look dangerous,
For example, it can be ignited.
(Of course, there are also caretakers watching from afar.) ）
The designer of the "garbage playground" is also a children's educator,
Her original design intention was:
Let the child take moderate risks,
More important than overprotective.
In psychology,
Experience the thrill of excitement and danger,
It is a physiological need of children.
This allows them to learn how to overcome their fears.
Dads can take their kids on these expeditions:
1. High degree of exploration:
A bird's eye view of the world, enough to evoke feelings of fear;
2. Try to recognize dangerous things:
Bring your child near a huge body of water, or near a fire,
Let the children know that these things are dangerous;
3. Fight or wrestling game:
This allows children to learn to resist aggressive attacks and to negotiate and cooperate;
Guide your child to take risks and turn curiosity into creativity.
07
Positive and optimistic
Psychologists on 500 third-graders
A 5-year follow-up survey found:
By the time of fourth grade, 25 children had depressive tendencies.
There are two reasons for this:
1. Bad things in life, such as parents often quarrel.
2. Pessimism, believing that bad things are permanent and good things are temporary.
The main sources of pessimistic thinking:
Pessimistic criticism from parents or teachers.
"How can you be so stupid?"
"You can't do anything well."
Parents should help their children develop a "positive thinking mode",
The easiest way to do this:
Don't yell at the child, praise him more.
08
Innovative strain
The BBC spent half a century following up on 11,000 babies.
Produced the documentary "The Biological Significance of Fathers",
Biologically, "fathers" can do more than they think.
Babies born four months old can recognize dad's voice.
At 2-3 years old, dads have a greater influence on their children's language development.
3-5 years old, most children regard their mothers as nurturers,
Think of Dad as a fun game buddy.
They summarized a [PERFECT] model,
Are a few of the characters dad should have:
P Protector
E Educator (Educator)
R Role Model
F Friend (Friend)
E Entertainer (Pistachio)
C Counselor (Consultant)
T Trainer (Coach)
Protect, educate, set an example;
Is the child's friend, pistachio;
He is also a consultant and a coach.
Teach your child skills, face problems, and learn to create.
09
Face up to setbacks
Pediatric expert Cui Yutao shared one thing in a variety show:
He has done one for elementary and junior high school students
A survey of "whether there is frustration in growing up"
When he asked these students,
Willing to tell your parents about the process of doing things,
The children's unanimous answer is:
"No! Because I always have to say it, even if I finally succeed. ”
Children do not want to face the consequences of failure,
Basically because of the parents' reproach:
"Why are you doing this?"
"Why didn't you listen to me earlier?"
It is not terrible for a child to occasionally encounter setbacks,
The terrible thing is the parents' sentence "You really failed".
There is an "Aronson effect" in psychology:
As the reward decreases and the attitude becomes negative,
The attitude gradually becomes positive as the reward increases.
Simply put, when the child occasionally fails,
Let them experience the consequences of failure for themselves,
Instead of blaming.
10
Indomitable
After reading a group of cartoons, there are 10 children learning calligraphy together.
There is 1, grandma thinks the child is too small,
He should not be deprived of a happy childhood.
There is 1, parents can not do rain or shine,
From time to time, I took a leave of absence, and slowly cut off the course.
There is 1, written that when you encounter a bottleneck period, you are not willing to learn.
In the end, only 1 child persevered.
So, everyone began to envy this child,
He said that he had talent, loved to learn, and would definitely become a talent in the future.
As everyone knows, this child and his parents have paid much behind their backs.
It is persistence, so that children and peers slowly distance themselves.
Children naturally do not understand what persistence is,
They love everything that brings them joy.
As a parent, especially a father,
It's important to be a resilient role model and booster.
Real delayed gratification education,
Is to let children know how to face responsibilities and difficulties,
Even when improperly tempted,
Learn to persevere and take responsibility.
Fatherhood means far more to our children than we think.
Please also spend more time with their children.
The children need you.
—— End ——
Author: Sang Yu evening, rational and literary, with words to accompany you. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.