Parents are the class teachers who never retire, and how we parents educate our children will affect their children's lives.
Li Zibin, a veteran teacher who has been teaching for nearly 30 years, has served as a lesson preparation team leader, a class teacher, and a grade director, and is still fighting in the front line of teaching. He was also a good father. In 2018, his 19-year-old son was admitted to Tsinghua University with excellent results. As an educator, as a father, he has always had his own unique experience in educating his children.
He stressed: To educate your children well is to invest in the happiness of the second half of your life.
Raising children is expensive in persistence
I think a child's emotional intelligence is more important than IQ, and character is more important than ability. If we really discuss it, I think parents cultivate their children mainly in two words: persistence.
Insist on the ordinary, insist on every link, and insist on it all the time. Everyone understands the principle of family education, and the key is which parent can adhere to it. I worked as a high school homeroom teacher for 14 years, a grade director for 2 years, a 13-year graduate, and a father for 19 years. I would like to share with you from the dual perspectives of parents and educators with my own personal feelings.
Three questions for parents
If parents are a position, then this position is automatically owned with the birth of the child and does not need to be appointed by others. So let me ask you:
The first question: If being a parent is your career, what level is your career now?
The People's Daily article "Education Reform Must Start from Family Education" proposes that there are five levels of parents.
The first level: willing to spend money on children.
The second level: willing to spend time for children.
The third level: parents begin to think about the goal of education.
The fourth level: parents improve and improve themselves in order to educate their children.
The fifth level: Parents do their best to support and encourage their children to become their best selves, and also to lead by example to support their children to become their true selves.
I think most parents probably spend more materially and less spiritually. Are we parents full of enthusiasm and dreams, are we scientific parents, rational parents, rather than in the name of "father's love and maternal love", intentionally or unintentionally hurting our children and affecting their children's growth?
The second question: Of the ten knives of modern homeschooling, which ones did you inadvertently use?
The first knife: too much love, so that the child does not know how to cherish;
The second knife: too much nagging, making the child rebel;
Knife 3: too much intervention, making the child lack autonomy;
Knife 4: Too many expectations, making it difficult for children to bear;
Knife 5: Too much blame, making the child lose motivation;
Knife 6: Too much accommodation, so that the child does not know the constraints;
The 7th knife: too much care, so that the child wants to blackmail the parents;
The 8th knife: too much enjoyment, so that the child does not know how to be frugal;
Knife 9: Too much satisfaction makes the child lack happiness;
Knife 10: Too much doting makes it impossible for a child to grow.
Do you think that parents will have the ideal return for giving for free? Although we pay not to expect anything in return. We must love our children, and we must let them perceive our love, do not let love flood, and do not let everything in the name of love.
As children get older, parents face more and more challenges:
(1) In the process of growing up, the more senior the child, the physical and mental development puts forward higher requirements for the level of tutoring;
(2) Parents cannot grow up with their children, and their level is limited and their authority is reduced;
(3) Little time together, fewer opportunities, lack of in-depth communication;
(4) Children's sense of independence in the new era has increased.
But no matter how big the challenge, discipline of your child will always be your business. Because you are the parent of your child, you can't quit your job for life and can't retire, you don't care before the age of 18, and after the age of 18, you still come to you for trouble.
The happiness index for the second half of your life is how your child develops. So our parents and friends don't just care about being happy now, regardless of the child, the future troubles continue, as long as the child is not good, you will be concerned about the stomach for a lifetime, this is the parents.
Third question: Have you prepared for the parent-teacher conference in advance?
Generally, among the parents who come to participate in the parent-teacher conference, there are grandparents participating, there are also relative representatives, and there are many mothers and parents, so they should especially like the father who can participate in the parent-teacher conference, and praise the husband and wife who participate. The Parents' Meeting is a big gathering of educators, and parents are partners in the education of our teachers to their children.
Partners don't come, how to partner to educate your children? You don't care about your own children, and you can expect others to take care of them? The teacher can be attentive, but the effect is far worse.
Teachers have a heavy teaching burden and limited energy, so parents should take the initiative to get in touch with the school, reflect and understand the child's performance to the teacher in time, so that the school and family can cooperate together to educate the child well.
Four pieces of advice for parents
It is important to believe in and cooperate with school teachers
The relationship between teachers, parents and children is like an isosceles triangle, the lower two corners of the triangle are the teacher and the parent, and the length of the teacher and the parent can determine the height of the child's life.
Children are the apex, and all the activities we do should revolve around children, which is our common goal.
Parents should not criticize the teacher in front of the child, and criticize the requirements of the school, which is not conducive to the establishment of a sense of rules for the child, and will increase the child's resistance and speculation. If parents don't respect teachers, your child's respect for teachers won't be much better, and the learning effect won't be good.
Some parents and friends look down on young teachers and do not respect young class teachers. In fact, we are all from a young age, excellent and age is not proportional. I know that teachers who respect children are also respecting myself, and I am winning the future.
Parents can participate in education but cannot interfere, and I oppose parents pointing fingers at will. The school and the parents are educational partners, and the partnership time is the child's time in school. Let those who understand education engage in education, no one should become a vulnerable group, but no one can override the strong group.
Of course, if parents feel that there is any problem, they can communicate with the school, but in front of the child, they must maintain the school's regulations and the authority of the teacher.
The education of children should pay attention to strategy
Many parents in the society in the unit can speak eloquently, but because they do not know the parent-child communication skills, they cannot go together with their children and sit together. For many years, I have been in front of my children, both the strict father's side and the close friend's side.
I remember that on the night of my son's return from college on New Year's Day in 2017, our father and son lay flat on their son's bed, and the two grandfathers talked for an hour or two at the head of the bed, and I talked about four questions: how to grasp the university's academics and entrepreneurship, achievements and activities, love and family, going abroad and graduate school? Children are growing up, you must know the scale of what to manage and what not to manage, and the importance of understanding and respect.
How do I talk to my child? Here are a few suggestions:
Grab the handle and talk
If the parent can't catch the idea in the conversation, all day long generally ask him that he should be like this, should be like that, as soon as they meet, they repeatedly tell "to study well", and hang clichés on their lips all day long, and the child is not annoyed!
Parents usually observe more, actively communicate with teachers, go to the school more, and understand some real specific situations, so that the effect of continuing to talk will be completely different.
Concentrate on talking
Usually should be seen in the eyes, remembered in the heart, pay attention to the occasion, a week or a period of time, find a fixed time and place that is not disturbed to concentrate the problem. Parents prepare lessons in advance and sit solemnly with their children. Either don't say it, or if you want to say it, you can concentrate it at once and say it in place, with strength and depth.
Talk about the problem
Growing children cannot be without deficiencies, and deficiencies manifest themselves in many ways. Talk to your child without the luxury of expecting everything to bloom in all directions; it is enough to focus on one or two problems to break through, and other issues are not discussed when the time is not ripe. In short, understand him from the perspective of the child, respect him as an equal, persuade him with reason, point out problems and give enough face, and find deficiencies and be good at affirmation.
Believe in the child, give the child the opportunity to grow and develop, the child will slowly understand the pain of the parents, will slowly open their hearts.
Three basic educational theories that need to be understood
1. Be a parent who is constantly learning
Parents should study the characteristics of their children, understand the situation of their children's learning stages, pay close attention to the changes and needs of children, escort the growth of children, and truly play a qualified guardian role.
Don't always compare your own children with other people's children. There are two levels of student development. One is the student's current level, which refers to the level of problem solving that can be achieved when independently acting; the other is the student's possible level of development, that is, the potential gained through teaching.
The difference between the two is the recent development zone, to put it in layman's terms, which is what I often say" to "look at the starting point, than progress". Each child's knowledge ability and emotional intelligence are different, and each child only needs to be the best of themselves.
Every child just needs to stare at the next goal, and every small step is fast. The starting point of each child is different, and the development of each child is also different, and it cannot be pulled for a general length and the same requirements.
2. Stress and Performance Theory: Don't put too much pressure on your child
Stress and job performance form an inverted U-shaped relationship. Too little pressure is not conducive to stimulating people's motivation, too much pressure and people are depressed, resulting in high performance, so there must be appropriate pressure to have a good job performance.
Achieve in the effort, find a sense of success in the realization, and constantly enhance self-confidence, will continue to make progress. Moderate pressure is the driving force, improper pressure is the counter-dynamic, not the greater the pressure the greater the motivation. Learn to vary from person to person, with appropriate pressure or stress reduction.
3. The theory of congenitality and acquired theory of education: the chicken nest cannot fly out of the golden phoenix; the ugly duckling is not hatched from the duck egg
The influence on human quality includes genetic factors, environmental factors, people's subjective initiative and so on. How far the child goes, parents first examine themselves, the reading situation of the year, and now the efforts of life, the parents are not the same, not to mention the children.
Don't put the hope of transcendence on the child, learn to pressurize, reduce the pressure appropriately, can not be without pressure, scientific pressure, do not give the pressure of three generations to the child.
For the sake of children's growth, parents should restrain themselves and grow themselves. For example, a positive attitude towards life, love of work, like to learn new knowledge, etc., they complain all day long, sneak around, expecting children to work hard and be aggressive, this kind of teaching is not convincing.
If the child's temporary development is not as good as we expect, we calm down, encourage him more positively, and do not show disappointment in front of the child, otherwise he will be discouraged and broken and broken faster than you!
The first thing we want to do is to ensure that there is a child who grows up physically and mentally healthy and happy.
Children grow up watching their parents' backs, and a harmonious family is more important than anything else
Parents attach importance to family education is responsible for the healthy development of students for life, he comes from the family, he grew up in the family, and in the future he will also create a higher level of family.
Parents want to become learning parents, and parents' learning behavior will play a subtle role in children. Families with primary and secondary school students, it is best not to play cards and mahjong at home often, and it is best not to drink and chat all day long, and to give children a relatively quiet learning environment.
Parents live with positive energy, do not worry about children do not have positive energy. Children are the continuation of our lives, no matter how vigorous we are on the outside, and eventually we have to return to the family. Raising your child well and paying attention to his growth can also be a career.
One more successful child, one more successful family. Isn't the achievement of a harmonious society also a collection of positive energy for society?
Children's academic performance is the focus of parents and teachers, but in the child's growth process, parents and teachers should be more concerned about the child's health. Parents and friends, the expectation of children to become successful is not to say that they want to be in their hearts, but also in long-term actions. What we need first is healthy, happy, happy children, and then adult, talented, and famous children.
Academic performance is not the only evaluation, and there is a pluralistic view of children's growth and future. Heaven has prepared a window for everyone who works hard, and be sure to choose the most suitable for yourself.
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Editor/Cui Ning Photo/Web Text/New Oriental Family Education
Text Director / Juvenile Jun Production / Juvenile Family Guoxin