Many people are prone to misunderstand the attraction between the sexes, believing that external conditions such as a person's body, appearance, career, and family lineage are the key to attraction.
A female reader once complained:
We are colleagues, he is my boss, the standard quality male, my conditions are not bad, the appearance is medium to upper, the figure is good, the personality is good, the work ability is strong, the original family is harmonious, there are many people around me who pursue me, but I only like him.
After he knew I liked him, he explicitly rejected me. Later he talked about a girlfriend, we happened to meet once, the girl is in the same industry as us, but in terms of appearance and personal ability is not as good as me, I heard that the original family is still quite bad. But the look in the girl's eyes was nothing the same as when he looked at me.
I was very reluctant, I didn't like him less than that girl, why did he prefer a man who was nothing like me?
This female reader said the doubts of many people, why can a person who is inferior to you in every way capture the true heart of the person you like?
If you measure a person's external image and material conditions alone, a beautiful and capable girl is indeed very attractive.
But love is not so calculated, love is elusive, sometimes do not talk about first come, even there is no law to speak of, the attraction in love, more from the feeling.
In the process of getting along between the two, a certain point in one person happens to be the other's like and need, which is the key to maintaining attraction.
Just like Gu Wei in the TV series "The Rest of Your Life, Please Give More Advice", as a high-quality male Gu Wei, there is no shortage of admirers around him, among which colleague Gao Huan has shown kindness more than once. In addition, the Gu family and the Gao family are of equal origin, the parents of both sides are family friends, the two have known each other for many years, in the eyes of outsiders, Gu Wei and Gao Hun are a natural pair.
If we talk about external conditions, Lin Zhi School has no advantage in front of Gao Huan, its appearance is not outstanding, her family lineage is not prominent, and its ability is average, but Gu Wei fell in love with Lin Zhi School at first sight and fell in love with him at first sight.
In fact, analyzing the relationship between Gu Wei and Lin Zhixue and the difference between Gao Hun and Lin Zhixue, it is not difficult to see that a truly attractive woman does not need to be much more beautiful, but also can make people think about it.
Truly empathize with men and be understanding and understanding
For a man, the most important thing in an intimate relationship is not how much love the woman gives him, but how much support and understanding he can get from the relationship, whether the other party can understand what he thinks, and whether to consider him from his point of view.
This understanding and understanding is "empathy", not a fluttering "I understand you", but when he rejects something, know why he refuses, understand what his worries are, and experience his difficulties.
Gu Wei has been in self-blame for not being able to save his teacher's life, and because of this, he has a psychological disorder and cannot take a scalpel.
Everyone, including Gao Huan, kept comforting Gu Wei, it's not your fault, there is no problem with your surgical plan. Faced with Gu Wei's decision to transfer to the department, Gao Huan persuaded Gu Wei to stand on the operating table again more than once.
Obviously, such persuasion and comfort did not work for Gu Wei, gu Wei did not need someone to tell him "you are right", his psychological obstacle came from - not sure whether the surgical plan at that time would go wrong.
Lin Zhi School "Three Gu Maolu" asked Gu Wei to be Teacher Lin's chief surgeon, Gu Wei then confided to Lin Zhi School the real reason why he could not do surgery, Lin Zhi School did not comfort him like others, she saw Gu Wei's worries at a glance, and told him: Even if you do not operate for Teacher Lin, you are still a great doctor, and I will always support you.
It is not so much that Gu Wei overcame the psychological obstacle because of "love", but rather that it was Lin Zhixue's understanding and understanding that untied Gu Wei's heart knot.
It will always be women who can empathize with men.
The so-called empathy does not have to experience what a man experiences, but to be able to understand his feelings and experience his feelings.
True and unpretentious, kind and simple
Some women especially like to use their hearts in love, such as deliberately creating coincidences and encounters with men, deliberately saying some misunderstood words to show the intimacy of the relationship between the two, deliberately doing some small actions behind their backs to drive away other admirers, and so on.
When men meet such women, most of them will take the initiative to distance themselves, even if you are beautiful, he will not have love for you.
On the contrary, it is the kind of real and unpretentious, kind and simple women who are more likely to attract men.
Compared to Lin Zhi School, Gao Hun is a girl with a little scheming.
Ming Ming and Gu Wei are just colleagues, but they deliberately close the relationship with Gu Wei in front of Lin Zhixue; in order to please Gu Wei's mother, they secretly asked Gu Wei to let the intermediary help introduce their old house to Gu Wei; everywhere they told colleagues that only she knew Gu Wei best, so that colleagues misunderstood that they were already lovers.
Maybe Gao Huan's essence is not bad, but her series of small actions are extremely easy to destroy her own favorability in Gu Wei's heart.
Look at Lin Zhi School again, when you encounter happy things to take the initiative to share, when you are unhappy, you will show sadness, you have no heart for anyone, sincere, simple and kind.
She can grind hard bubbles on Gu Wei again and again for Teacher Lin's surgery, and she can also accept it calmly after learning the real reason why Gu Wei can't do surgery.
Gu Wei and Lin Zhixue were very relaxed and comfortable together, and the fatigue of work could always be dissolved in time.
In intimate relationships, many men are afraid of trouble, you have a strong, arrogant personality, no matter how beautiful you look, men will stay away.
What really attracts men is the good character of women, who are not arrogant or impatient when things happen, and make people feel like a spring breeze.
Similar and complementary, the soul can resonate
Someone once said that similar people are suitable for fun together, and complementary people are suitable for getting old together.
Two people with similar personalities, because they know too much about the similar parts of each other's personalities, inevitably lack freshness when they are together. Such people can be friends, understand and understand each other, but they cannot be lovers because they lack the part of the heart.
Just like Gao Huan and Gu Wei, in Gao Huan's heart, she and Gu Wei have known each other for many years, and they are both doctors, if the two people form a family, they will be able to go hand in hand in academics and careers and strive for the ideal together.
Gu Wei's family environment is already serious, Gao Huan is also a cold beauty, and Gu Wei is calm and restrained for professional reasons. If the door is right, the most suitable for Gu Wei is of course Gao Huan. But similarity does not mean that it is appropriate, too similar, too familiar two people, but it is difficult to produce love.
No wonder Gu Xiao joked: There is one of you cold enough at home, and now there is another one.
As a high-quality man, Gu Wei does not want cold academic discussions, but to be able to have more fun in life and feel warmth with his heart.
Gu Wei has a rebellious side in his bones, but due to the growing environment, he has always lived a disciplined, monotonous and boring life.
Looking at Lin Zhi School again, he is naïve, kind and optimistic, and knows how to adjust the atmosphere when getting along with Gu Wei, which brings a lot of fun to Gu Wei's dull life.
Just like What Gu Wei said when he confessed to Lin Zhizhi's school: You are particularly kind, strong, optimistic, and have courage that I can't hope to reach, I envy you, and I like you like this very much.
Of course, Gu Wei and Lin Zhixue have similarities, such as: simple, kind, and serious.
It is precisely because they are similar and complementary that they give people the feeling of meeting a soul mate.
There is a kind of woman, even if she is not beautiful, she can make people think about it.
Lin Zhixue may be ordinary, or maybe her appearance is not so outstanding, but the virtues of her - empathy, kindness, and authenticity - make her like a small sun, constantly shining on the people around her.
These are the most enduring attractions in a woman.
So, when you keep asking that person why do you like her and don't like me, think about it, is it that the girl just has the qualities that you don't have, and what you don't have happens to be the most attractive to the other person?
Love this kind of thing, rely on fate, rely on feelings, maybe one day, you will also meet your own, real love.
Today's Topic:
What do you think are the long-term attractions in women?
Flower Shadow World: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world