To have a daughter or a son? Interviewed 10 dads, 8 dads had the same answer: Having a son, it's stressful!
Indeed, from the traditional Chinese concept, having a son means that parents are under greater pressure, and preparing a marriage room for the son is enough to become a mountain on the shoulders of the parents.
Especially for the father of the head of the family, the pressure to earn money to support the family is even greater.
But, having a son, does the father only have financial pressure?
otherwise.
There are boys in the family, and the responsibility on Dad's shoulders is greater, which also requires our Dad to work harder!
So, how hard does Dad have to work to better raise boys?
First, strive to become a super idol for boys
Dad wants to try to be a super idol in the boy's mind.
Affected by testosterone, boys are full of energy and vitality from an early age, and as a result, they will worship their fathers with a sense of strength and regard them as the first super idols in their lives.
So you will find that boys like to exercise with their fathers, even if their fathers' motor skills are very bad, they are a glorious athlete in the eyes of boys.
When his son was a child, he was fascinated by watching "Football Boy" and fell in love with football, and on weekends or holidays, he liked to pestering his father to go to the stadium.
Seeing his father break the ball from his feet, rush forward with the ball, and then kick into the door, the son's eyes were full of adoration. He always praised his father with the eyes of a little fan: "Wow, Daddy, you are so powerful!" ”
At this time, the husband, he will show his son a few tricks, and he will enjoy the feeling of being supported by his son.
But in fact, only I know that my husband is just a three-legged cat in football, and his so-called skills are not standardized at all, but this does not affect his status as a super idol in his son's mind at this time.
The power of idols is infinite. If dad can be an idol in every way, then the boy will love dad, respect dad, and listen to dad.
There are boys in the family, and dads have to work hard to maintain their idol image.
Second, try to teach the boy to be a man
I have a colleague who once talked about a distress: her son, who is in the fourth grade, is still afraid to sleep alone, and from time to time he finds various excuses to sneak into his mother's bed. Including in terms of personality, her son is also very introverted and weak, and if he says something heavier, he will cry his nose, which makes her not very troublesome.
The reason is that the father works in the field all year round, the son does not have much time to stay with the father all year round, and the father who has always been serious is either busy with his own affairs or busy disciplining his son when he returns home, but let the son see the father's heart and be afraid and avoid it.
For his son's personality, the husband also had a headache, he once jokingly discussed with his wife: in the summer, send his son to the military camp for two months to exercise well and cultivate manhood.
But in fact, the best way to cultivate a boy's personality comes from the influence of his father.
6-12 years old is the stage when boys learn to become men, although boys still have a lot to learn from their mothers, but their interests are quietly changing, they are paying more and more attention to what men should have, they try to learn what they want from the men around them, in order to improve themselves.
Dad is the object of the boy's gender identity. At this stage, the boy observes and imitates his father's verbal behavior, trying to learn to be a man. Therefore, dads should try to buy time, stay with boys, tell boys about physical changes, and tell boys how to deal with things in a man's way.
The World Health Organization notes that children who can spend more than two hours a day with their fathers have higher IQs and boys who look more like men.
Although the father shoulders the responsibility of supporting the family and the work will be very busy, the father must not ignore the growth of the child. Try to find time to accompany the boy, play with him, exercise, chat about home... Every moment dad spends time with the boy is to teach the boy bit by bit how to become a man's potential.
Strive to teach boys respect women
As the boy grows up, the sense of power makes him competitive, especially the boy in the rebellious period of adolescence, often incompatible with his mother. Boys who are bigger than their mothers often show from the inside to the behavior: my mother can no longer force me to do anything.
Therefore, they will take advantage of the mother-child contest through deception, intimidation or cunning means.
At this time, the father is the best example, teaching boys how to respect women.
This not only requires the father to try to express his concern to his wife in ordinary times, but also to educate the boys in time and correct their wrong ideas when the son expresses arrogance to the mother.
Steve Bidalph, author of Raising Boys, once gave this example:
A 14-year-old boy was brushing dishes in the kitchen, and he took over the job from the age of 9. But last night, he didn't wash it.
The next morning, when the mother went into the kitchen to find out, she threw a tantrum at her son. However, the 14-year-old son crossed his hands and waist, and angrily rushed back to scold his mother.
At this moment, the father who was sitting in the living room reading the newspaper, he put down the newspaper and strode to the kitchen, and then leaned back on the refrigerator, and he looked at his son for a long time and said a word:
"Don't talk to your mother in this tone, or I'll take care of it!"
The son immediately obediently picked up the dishes and chopsticks.
Yes, there is not only affection between boys and fathers, but also moral strength. A husband who usually genuinely cares about and respects his wife has prestige in the eyes of his son. Therefore, when the mother and son clash, the father's words can play a deterrent effect.
Dads should strive to set an example for boys and teach them how to respect women. A polite father, a father who is consistent in his words and deeds, will establish a positive image in the boy's mind, so that the boy can learn how to respect women.
Fourth, try to take the boy to embrace the world
It has been said that the proudest thing about a father is that his daughter wants to marry a man like himself; the son wants to be a man like his father.
The movie "My Father and Me" tells the story of 4 fathers and sons, through the story you will find that what kind of father you have, what kind of life is possible. Dad, lead the child to open the door of the world and embrace life.
The little boy in the movie reads the little essay "My Dad" to the whole class in the composition class, and he says: I must learn from my dad.
This is a father who is deeply admired by him, in the era when there was no advertising, in order to sell products, dad looked for directors, looked for actors, in the eyes of countless people questioning, did not hesitate to put into the private money at home, filmed advertising films, and opened up the sales channels of products.
Seeing the commercial film broadcast on TV, the son admired his father immensely, and he once again firmly believed in his father's concept: as long as he dared to think and dare to do it, his dream would come true.
In fact, the prototype of the story comes from Zhao Pingyang, the first TV commercial shooter of the Chinese mainland, whose tenacity to persevere in the face of difficulties and his personality of daring to think and dare to fight also attracted and influenced his son.
The son will follow his father, and many years later, Zhao Pingyang's son became the designer of the Shanghai Tower, which, when completed, was the second tallest building in the world.
Boys' initial dreams were often influenced by their fathers. For boys, Dad is the role model, the strength, the direction.
There is a boy in the family, and Dad must try to find time to spend more time with him. How much fatherly love you put into your child, how much radiance your child will shine in the future.
I am a Nuo mom, focusing on parent-child growth research, talking about parenting dry goods, writing parenting tips, paying attention to me, growing up together and improving ah~