It is rare to seriously chase a drama, saying that it is not serious, and many shots are fast forward.
As an author in the field of parenting, I would like to write about the few children in this play, Gu (Zhang) Xiaofei, who is the widow of Zhang Fei, the late platoon leader of the Old Ninth Company.
According to some local traditions, Lao Tzu and his son cannot use the same word in their names. In the TV series, it is most likely to strengthen his identity and also hint at the expectations of the elders for him.
Xiao Fei had never seen his biological father, and he had lived with his mother Ah Xiu and his grandmother since he was born. There was an uncle Gu from the army who would go to see him on vacation and help his mother work.
Later, this Uncle Gu also married his mother. Xiao Fei followed his mother and left the countryside to live in the army.
His mother and the people around him hoped that he could change his name from Zhang Xiaofei to Gu Xiaofei, but he was unwilling because his father's name was Zhang Fei. Although he did not change his surname and did not change his name to dad, he still often played with Uncle Gu, played chess, and played olympic number problems.
The scenes about Xiaofei in the TV series are really pitiful. Therefore, as long as he appears in the shot, there is always a lot of controversy and many associations.
For example, at the age of seven or eight, he jumped on the bed in shoes and was criticized for not having a tutor. Refusing to change his surname to Gu, he was more familiar with Gu Yiye than to sorghum, not called Dad but Lao Gu, and was criticized for feeding unfamiliar white-eyed wolves.
I think that the various controversies about Xiaofei also reflect people's misunderstanding of boys from the side.
01
People hate dogs for the rebellious period of teenagers
The first time Xiao Fei appeared, it was Ah Xiu who brought him to the army to get married, and the age was seven or eight years old, which was the time when seven or eight years old was annoying.
The seven- or eight-year-old boy is a perpetual motion machine that "says no in the mouth and does not stop destroying the action".
Don't talk about the plot in the TV series, because I can't understand the screenwriter's brain hole.
Let's say that a seven- or eight-year-old boy jumps on the bed with shoes, is it really uncultured? To be honest, when I hear the word parenting, my head is very big. Because the word appears too often.
Once, when my son was three years old, because a child on the slide was blocking the way, the child climbed up the obstacle with difficulty, and made a face at the child, and the child's parents said that he was not educated.
According to this logic, as long as the child is not as courteous and humble as a gentleman, he can be crowned with the title of "uncultured"?
Because of the different brain structures, boys are particularly naïve and immature than girls.
Boys have slow brain development, and the volume of callosum between the left and right hemispheres of the brain is significantly smaller than that of girls.
That is, there is very little connection between the left and right brains of boys. This is also why boys are rarely able to use it twice, and when he concentrates on doing things, he always does not hear someone calling him.
Therefore, boys will always teach and not change. When you enter the door, you remember to take off your shoes, but you rarely remember to change your shoes, a pair of feet, and step on every corner of the house, including sofas and beds.
If you ask him, can you put on your shoes and step on the bed, and then step on the bed with your feet on the ground? He was sure to smile sheepishly, and he knew it wasn't right.
But when he used the bed as a trampoline, there was only one voice in his head calling out to him: Come and jump. He wouldn't remember wearing shoes or not, and the guard was unhygienic.
The right hemisphere of the boy's brain is more developed, which makes the boy more comfortable in mathematics, mechanical ability, and hands-on ability. When confronted with problems, they are more inclined to do it than to think.
Because communication is poor in the left and right hemispheres, boys need to make extra effort to mobilize the left hemisphere of the brain to find the right words to express emotions.
This is also why many boys are clumsy and duplicitous.
02
A little man with a hard mouth and a soft heart
Xiao Fei appeared again to visit the injured sorghum. At that time, he had just finished the college entrance examination, secretly applied for the National Defense Student at Tsinghua University, and he also had to wear a military uniform.
In fact, when I heard others call him Gu Xiaofei, I was already happy for his Uncle Gu. But he called out to Lao Gu, and let the audience fry the pan again, and "other people's children are not familiar" once again occupied the barrage.
The age of participating in the college entrance examination is most likely to be seventeen or eighteen years old, at the tail end of adolescence. Adolescence is the most headache for parents.
When children are young, parents can have many means of discipline, even including scolding. But in adolescence, children are taller than their parents, they can't beat them, they can't say it, they already have the ability to go when they want, and parents are really helpless.
For the adolescent child, don't listen to what he says, but watch what he does.
In the boy's growth process, he will unconsciously learn from the men around him, imitate them, and learn to be a man. The object of this imitation, of course, is the father.
Xiao Fei hid from Lao Gu and applied for the national defense student examination. Why hide it? Is it that Lao Gu won't let him become a soldier, or does he want to give Lao Gu an unexpected surprise?
I can't guess his thoughts, but his move is actually conveying recognition of his father's identity as a "soldier".
As for his father not calling him Lao Gu, this is even less of a "crime". Not to mention boys, even girls will give their parents a lot of special titles, which can only be said to be a small proof of the harmony of parent-child relationship.
The various disputes over Xiaofei on the Internet also verified the depth of people's prejudice against boys from the side.
03
Raising boys requires more love and patience
Boys look as strong as the iron wall, but in fact, they are also fragile inside, and they will face more challenges in the growth of boys.
The data show that the mortality rate for boys aged 15 and under is almost three times that of girls, and the causes of death are mainly accidents, violence and suicide.
Many times, a slap and a quarrel become the last straw that crushes the boy, are there fewer similar accidents?
A 17-year-old bridge-jumping teenager in Shanghai jumped from the viaduct in a fit of anger because of an argument with his mother; a 14-year-old boy in Wuhan, who was slapped by his mother in the corridor, turned around and jumped from the teaching building.
Raising boys requires us to really understand them and to give more love and patience.
Boys have to go through three stages of growth, as parents, to give boys different nutrition in these 3 stages.
In the first stage, 0-6 years old, the task of parents is to let their children grow up safely surrounded by love.
Steve pointed out in Raising Boys that gender differences are not important for children under 6 years old, and we should not deliberately emphasize gender differences.
For children at this stage, the most important thing is to have one or two main caregivers to care for the child, to make the child feel safe around the child, so as to promote the full development of the brain and acquire the skills of intimate communication with people.
In the second stage, 6-13 years old, the mother appropriately withdraws, and the father does a good job of relaying.
This is the second stage of the boy's growth, and the boy will "learn to be a man". At this time, boys prefer to be with men, learn from them, imitate them.
So at this stage, fathers should take responsibility, exercise with their children, play games together, discuss life together, and cultivate common hobbies.
If the father does not take responsibility, the child may turn to the other men around him and learn what it is like, whether it is good or bad.
The third stage, after the age of 14, is transformed into a man and becomes a real man.
After the age of 14, boys enter a period of rapid development, significant changes occur inside the body, good debate, anxiety, moodiness. Both physically and psychologically, there is a shift toward adulthood.
The most important thing for children in this period is the "guide", who can be a parent, a teacher, or someone else in society.
The facilitator is essential to the boy's development, he will guide the child to see the larger world, become a role model for the boy, and let the boy really mature.
As Steve wrote in Raising Boys, the growth of boys is not smooth, and every culture in the world has encountered the challenge of raising boys.
This challenge is due to the lack of understanding of boys, the inherent prejudice. For Xiaofei in the TV series, some prejudices do not affect him, after all, it is a fictional character.
But for the boys around us, we still need to have more love and patience, so that they can grow up healthily, and I hope that every boy can get enough understanding!