Since the birth of the baby, the "how to sleep" of a family of three has become a difficult problem for many families. Pino's mother often hears people say, "Three years old and four years old do not separate rooms, five years old and six years old regret the intestines", in order to make the child more independent, the sooner the bed is divided, the better.
That being said, is the child really ready? Regardless of the child's feelings of one-size-fits-all toughness, it is likely to leave a psychological shadow on the child.
01
Some time ago, a large family celebrated the 4th birthday of the little niece, and the sister-in-law announced on the spot: the 4-year-old daughter wants to sleep in her own small room alone.
Hearing this news, the originally happy little niece changed her face in an instant and began to cry all kinds of noises, which was not happy. Because there were guests in the house, the sister-in-law finally compromised.
From the second day of her birthday, the sister-in-law insisted on sleeping separately with her daughter, and as a result, for a whole week, the little niece had to stage a "difficult to give up" drama every night, either holding her mother's neck and not letting go or lying on her mother's bed and not leaving, and when she was emotional, she would tear her heart and lungs dry for a while.
After all kinds of persuasion and coaxing by the sister-in-law, it was difficult to accompany the child to fall asleep in her bed, and once she left, the child would wake up and have to carry out a second round of comfort.
After tossing and turning for a week, my sister-in-law was so tired that she couldn't wake up every day, and when my brother saw the situation, he said to his sister-in-law: "Don't count it."
But the sister-in-law thought about sticking to it for a week, maybe the child will soon get used to it, so she continues to insist on letting the child sleep alone at night, and she does not plan to go to the room to accompany her.
As a result, the little niece would knock on her mother's door with a pillow, saying that there were worms on her small bed and was afraid; the half-convinced sister-in-law got up to see that there were no worms on the bed, and after glaring at the little niece, let her lie on the bed and sleep;
The sister-in-law had just gone back to the room and was lying down, when she heard her little niece shouting outside the door, at this time the brother pretended to be angry and shouted: "Hurry back to sleep, or you will be beaten."
The little niece was mostly afraid of being beaten, and then did not call her parents and mothers, the sister-in-law felt strange, so she got up to see, and as soon as she opened the door, she found her daughter curled up outside her mother's bedroom door with a quilt and pillow, and her face was still covered with tears.
At that moment, the sister-in-law was both distressed and entangled, and picked up her daughter and went back to her parents' bed to sleep.
After listening to the little niece's bed sharing experience, Pino's mother originally wanted to divide the bed for her daughter, but now decided to wait.
But the husband said that the daughter is now more than 5 years old, should be divided into beds, separate rooms to sleep, but also sent an article to Pino's mother, saying that girls are too late to sleep in separate beds or rooms, which is not conducive to the physical and mental health of children.
In fact, in Pino's mother's view, how old the child needs to be divided into beds or rooms, can not be according to the theory of one-size-fits-all. We should respect the natural law of parental and child intimacy and conform to the rhythm of children's growth.
Although many people advocate "sleeping in separate beds at the age of 3 and sleeping in separate rooms at the age of 5", that is just a suggestion, parents should not force their children to blindly follow the cold standard according to the situation of their children.
As the star mother Yi Nengjing said, sooner or later the child will be a thing, why rush to force the child?
Pino's mother agrees with Yi Nengjing's concept, after all, the child is not the product of assembly line work, different children's growth environment is different, the growth rhythm is also different, can not be generalized.
Ma Yili also shared the experience of her eldest daughter sleeping in separate rooms on the Internet, and after learning that her classmates slept independently, she took the initiative to propose to her mother to sleep in separate rooms, and quickly adapted.
Therefore, for those children who are not used to sleeping in separate beds or rooms, parents do not have to force it, children will one day take the initiative to propose to you to sleep in separate rooms, and what parents have to do is to give enough companionship and waiting.
02
Why should parents be anxious to sleep in separate beds or rooms with their children? What are you worried about?
In response to this question, Pino's mother has asked friends around her, and the answer they give is: afraid that the child is not independent or precocious!
Worry about children not being independent
Pino's mother has always felt that whether a child is independent or not is not directly related to whether or not he sleeps in a separate bed or not.
The basis of a child's independence is a sense of inner security, the belief that the world is safe, and that he has the ability to explore the world.
Before the age of 3, it is the key period for the construction of children's sense of security; after the age of 3, children with sufficient security will take the initiative to try to do some things alone, such as watching other children sleep in separate beds, they will germinate the idea of sleeping in separate beds, and they can fall asleep independently.
Instead of parents forcing their children to sleep in separate beds or rooms, this will only make them feel insecure and even make children despair about intimate relationships. Especially those children whose sleep quality is not good or whose parents go to work during the day and cannot accompany them, if they are forced by their parents to sleep in separate beds, it will not be conducive to the development of parent-child relationship.
Worry about precocious puberty in children
A friend's family was discussing the problem of sleeping in separate beds with her daughter, and I asked her not to worry, and she said that she had read parenting books and said that her daughter could not sleep with her parents for too long, otherwise she would be prone to precocious puberty.
Later, Pino's mother consulted a doctor friend next to her, and she said that precocious puberty is an organic lesion of the nervous system, which has nothing to do with sleeping in a separate bed.
03
So, how old is the best time for a child to sleep in separate beds?
Pino's mother has read a lot of parenting books, and has also watched many videos of parenting masters, and found that there is no unified age limit for children sleeping in separate beds and rooms.
It is often said that "3 years old and 4 years old do not separate rooms, 5 years old and 6 years old regret breaking intestines" is completely rumored, and "6 years old is the latest age for children to sleep in separate beds/rooms" is also unrealistic.
Generally speaking, when the child reaches the age of 3, he has a clear understanding of the gender, so parents can slowly try to sleep with the child according to the child's growth rhythm;
If the child is more resistant, it can also wait until the age of 5 or 6 to sleep in separate beds/rooms; for those who are particularly resistant, psychologists point out that it is also possible to complete the bed/room before the age of 10.
In short, each child is unique, and there is no specific age standard for when to sleep in separate beds or rooms. Parents should not be anxious, do not bring anxiety to children, each child has its own growth rhythm, when he is ready, he will naturally be willing to sleep in separate beds.
For sleeping in separate beds "difficult households", Pino's mother suggested doing this:
Accompany children to read picture books related to "splitting beds" to make children mentally prepared;
Set up a cot with your child and let your child choose their own sheets
Give your child a reward for each independent time to enhance your child's motivation to sleep in separate beds.
In short, for the child to divide the bed, Pino's mother feels that there is no need to force it, just go with the flow, after all, no child will not sleep independently when they grow up.