Say goodbye to the past
Text/Ran Lifen
(Web Photo)
The emotions that have been stranded for a long time, today I am on the podium again, it is both expectation and worry, looking forward to my being needed and recognized like everyone again, worrying that students and I are not perfectly coordinated... Mixed feelings... This feeling has been separated for a long time, the moment I stood on the podium, so familiar and so strange, in front of my eyes are unfamiliar faces, suddenly familiar children meet my eyes, I conclude that I have experienced a scene in front of me in a certain time and space, those scenes that appear in my mind are already unforgettable in my memory, and a sad taste comes up... Life is too harsh but it always gives you a chance to compensate, they are like the children I put down, age, temperament, attitude towards me... After the first lesson, I breathed a long sigh of relief, Oh! I, the original me, the same me a year ago seemed to be back.
In the past thirty years, I have been relatively smooth, so when I experienced unexpected bumps in my life's journey, my reaction was slightly over-the-top, and even for a long time, I always thought that the whole world was indebted to me! I once denied and evaded, and even naively imagined that everything was dreaming, and when I woke up, I was a normal person who was physically and mentally healthy and sunny... I am also grateful for the medicine of time to heal a desperate heart, and more importantly, I found that in the past year I have grown up and matured, and time has not been comforting or stingy to take care of me. I recall the embarrassment of praying reverently against the wall in the hospital, the thought of my family's inseparability, and the rational analysis and spiritual support of the doctors for me, no one in this world is sorry for me, if I am devastated, the saddest thing is my parents, the most pitiful is my children, so, rather than time healed me, it is better to say that I learned to cross myself, the only way in the world to release is to figure it out by myself, I did it, just like today with this mentality that reappeared yesterday to face the children who are hungry for knowledge, I can still pass on positive energy to them!
Once a person loses himself, he will lose his way and even fall. In this year, I thought about turning all this over, but I couldn't do that, just when everything was a passing cloud of smoke, I wanted to do a good job, but when I met the threshold, I was driven by the dark villain in my heart, "Why are you working so hard?" You're just an ordinary person! "Sometimes I think that at the bottom of the food chain, I can also live a dull life, and I even think of using high-sounding reasons to convince myself that there must be a beginning and a end and a good or bad in a circle, and I will be an ant that does not occupy the public space, so that the balance of the food chain can also be maintained well... But he smiled when I told my friend about this idea, and he proved to me in his own way that I had the rest of my life, and at this moment my state of mind was like a child who had been wronged and did not dare to go out, and he said: "It takes a process..."
I hate that there is no fixed formula in this life, it always puts obstacles for you somewhere in the middle of nowhere! But time is not hurried, I have panicked, worried, sad, desperate... When I saw a mother and daughter crying at the door of the community, one night I had nothing to do with each other, pulling my misfortune with them far-fetched, the mother and daughter must have encountered some kind of suffering in the world, or accident or illness or betrayal... There is also a four- or five-year-old daughter next to her, and the three grandchildren are like a portrayal of reality - the child is not more troublesome, innocent, the mother is experiencing the problems of life, the grandmother's words are choked, and after crying, persuade her children to look forward... Life is really bitter, like a bowl of poison, and it is extremely poisonous, he will be mixed with happiness and bitterness, but despite this, everyone's desire to survive is so strong! Why? Because there are too many nostalgia in the world, I want to go forward to comfort me, but I do not have the compassion of the heavens and the people, can not solve any problems, everything is in vain, I took my son home on the way, told my son the story of last year's I cried at the hospital door for an hour, helplessness and fear and the mother and daughter at this moment are almost the same... I just prayed for them in my heart, I hope that God will give everyone a chance to bounce back at the same time, the despair of the death row inmateS have tasted, but I have been pulled back by many people and things in this world, and there is still love and conscience in my heart, so I am grateful for this year's experience, let me realize that I am needed and expected, I am the pillar of the child, the sustenance of the parents, and the only one among the thousands of people who are nameless but cannot be copied.
I really don't want to repeat this depressed past endlessly, I am tired of this infinite copy of self-sadness... I want to cross the gap of years or return to the carefree youth of childhood or accelerate to the day when my children become adults, it is a nightmare, only to hope that it will be forgotten in the twilight of the years as soon as possible, it seals me free, the rest of my life.
Yes, my friend said to me, "People have to look forward", so the moment I finished writing the last paragraph, I was already relieved...
Goodbye, those panicked and messy memories!
【Author's Profile】Ran Lifen, a small teacher. He is a good teacher and friend of students, likes to read chicken soup for the soul, likes to use truth, goodness and beauty to live things, and likes to express his mood with words! Strive to be a new era educator who will never lag behind.