Growth Education 100 asks | children have conflicts Should parents interfere?

Children have conflicts Parents should interfere

Ms. Wang:

My 6-year-old son has a little friend who lives in the same neighborhood and often plays together. One day, when they were playing together, the son accidentally kicked his friend's chest, and the two of them quarreled. I came out to resolve the conflict, and the two friends also reconciled and continued to play. But when the child came home, his mother called me: "Your son kicked my son's chest and hurt." I said, "I know this, the child didn't mean it, and I taught him that they've reconciled." But the mother said, "Your child is deliberate, there have been a few times before, don't let your son come to play with my child in the future." "After saying that, I hung up my phone, I was very aggrieved in my heart, the child was not intentional, and it has been reconciled, as for such a big fire? Is there a conflict between children, and is it wrong for parents to interfere?

Dr. J

Although the child is not intentional, the mother of the little partner feels that her child has "suffered a loss" after all, and it is also common for people to be angry.

So, should parents interfere when children have conflicts? The general situation should be like this: if two children have a conflict, the parents are not on the scene, they can handle it themselves, and the parents do not have to interfere afterwards; if the parents are on the scene when the child has a conflict, it must intervene and stop it immediately.

Don't immediately correct right and wrong, and don't criticize immediately, because you don't necessarily know the cause and effect of things, and some things are difficult to grasp. At this time, stop immediately, separate the two children, find out the situation with your own children, let the child feel that you are his supporter, and help him deal with similar problems well.

If the other parent is also present, then the other parent's work is done by the other parent. Finally, the parents of both sides communicate again. If you find that there are other problems, such as habit problems, expression problems, and understanding problems of others, and then deal with them later, different problems should be solved differently.

If it is true that your child is at fault, after the conflict, you should communicate with the other parent, it is best to let the child apologize to the other child, and guide both sides to shake hands and make peace. If it is the mistake of the other child, after communicating with the child, we must carefully teach the child what kind of countermeasures to take in the face of this kind of thing in the future.

Children have conflicts, and you are right to stop them and avoid greater harm. But when the other parent comes to question, because the child's chest hurts, your child is responsible, you can apologize first, but also let the child apologize to the little partner. One is to let the family feel your love for the child, and the other is to let the child learn the lesson and pay attention to safety when playing with the little friends. When communicating, if you only consider the problem from your own point of view, it will make people uncomfortable, and you must be more tolerant and understanding, and interpersonal relationships can be more harmonious.

What to do if the child throws things around and doesn't pick up

Ms. Peng

Children always throw stationery and socks away, and I have a lot of headaches. I sorted everything he used, told him the location, and put it back in place when he was done. However, there is often a situation where there is one sock left and the stationery cannot be found, and sometimes I will get angry and lose my temper when I can't find the stationery after doing homework. Once, the child littered his toy Pig Pig Man, I directly picked it up and threw it in the trash, he picked it up himself and brought it back, promising to tidy it up. But the next day, Pig Man was placed randomly, how could this dilemma be broken?

Parents always do things for their children, but they want their children to develop good habits, which is difficult to achieve. Psychologist Qi Feng said that people are the animals of the game, and everything in the world can be treated and participated in with the attitude of the game. Children play games with a very serious attitude, and they devote all their intelligence, energy and love and hate to the game. The outcome of the game, whether they win or lose, affects all of their nerves. That being the case, it is better to use the method of play to help children complete the change.

For example, we design the "Today I Am Home" mini-game, and mothers and children take turns to be day students and supervisors. The day student needs to send the toy home safely, and if it is not done well, the supervisor can give a small punishment; if it is done well, the small stars are rewarded, and after reaching a certain number, the small wish can be realized. In the beginning, the mother can deliberately drop one or two toys to be found by the child, and praise the child for supervising in place, and will definitely do better than the mother in the future. When the child is on duty, the mother should praise the child for doing a good job.

Habits are a gradual process of formation, parents should learn to let go, learn to wait, and spend more time with their children to slowly develop.

What to do if urging your child to write homework is ineffective

Ms. Liu

Children's homework is particularly grinding, all relying on urging. The point is that I went to remind him to write his homework, and he replied to me, "Don't do it, love it." "People are angry and their blood pressure rises." Why don't you talk about credit? Yesterday was not good, today after going home for dinner to watch an episode of cartoons to write homework, how to write homework when it comes to writing homework. Besides, you're a student, isn't it your job to write assignments? How to consolidate what you're learning today without writing homework... No matter how much you say, he's there to you off and don't do it. I sometimes want to beat him up, what to do?

Parents are right, homework is the child's work, but he is to make an irresponsible attitude, parents because of anxiety and anger, began to take responsibility for the child, hard persuasion, but the child pushed the responsibility clean, "I will not do, what can you do with me?" ”

In this case, we must be sober, once the child forcefully says the word "do not do", it is doomed to the next small period of time, such as twenty minutes or half an hour, he can not write homework. Parents must not think that if they persuade two sentences, he can write immediately.

Parents do not reason with their children, and simply respond: "Love to write or not to write, if you do not write, I do not believe that your teacher will let you go." "You put the blame in his way, and don't take care of him." After a while, see that the child is in a good state, no longer mention the previous matter, and say lightly: "Write homework and go." "Sometimes it has a magical effect and the child really goes to do his homework. Sometimes, after a moment of silence, the child will come over and make a few requests, such as: "Can I watch TV and then write my homework?" Parents should also respond: "After writing homework, talk to me about something else, I am in a bad mood now." "The results are often unexpected, and the child silently goes to write homework."

Dr. J: Jie Yang, Family Education Consultant

This article is excerpted from New Parents Daily, Issue 829-830

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