"Let the child be himself" - reading notes guide to share

This text number is 5594 and the estimated reading time is 15 minutes.

The book shared today is "Let the Child Be Himself"

The author is Xiaoling Wu, Montessori Family Education Expert, Montessori Parent System Curriculum Developer, Founder of Montessori Parent School and Montessori Family Education Radio, Certified Lecturer of China Montessori Association (CMS), Senior Montessori Teacher. It is she who makes more and more people realize that Montessori belongs more to the family, to the parents.

It was she who took the lead in practicing the concept of "Montessori Parents" in China and developed the exclusive curriculum for Montessori Parents: "Montessori Parents Growth Class", "Montessori Parent Happiness Class", "Montessori Parenting Communication Class" and "Montessori Parenting Q&A". Montessori homeschooling has changed and is changing more and more parents and children towards a more optimized life.

Through this book, the author reveals three truths that may sound a little shocking to everyone:

The first truth is that the child just wants to be himself.

The second is that in the past parents thought we were the child's first teacher, but the book says that the child's first teacher was himself, not us.

The third truth is that the identity of our parents should be the practitioners of the theory of "great education serves the soul, ordinary education serves the body".

The book is mainly about children between the ages of 0 and 6. The author says that zero to six years old is particularly critical, and this key period of growth is more important than college.

1

A facilitator of the child's development

Should parents help their children grow up, or should they help their children grow up? The author said that parents cannot be without regrets, and in the process of raising children, they must also be accompanied by regrets. In the process of our desire to be perfect, it is especially important to let the child become himself, rather than let the child become the person in our hearts.

1, raising children always has regrets

The authors propose a theory called "the ball fell off, picked up." In the process of children from birth to growth, they may encounter many problems. Some problems are that the past has passed, such as a little problem during pregnancy, a small setback in the delivery process, and a child may feel that he has not taken care of himself after birth... This must pass and end.

Some things may be that we have made some mistakes in feeding, and then the expert corrected it for us; there are some problems in the development that I did not find, and then the expert helped us correct it. Once you've corrected it, you have to start over. "The ball fell off, just pick it up." Never live forever or immerse yourself in those previous problems. Because, in this way, we can make the child have a sense of trust in us, and we can make him feel safe.

2. Cultivate children's sense of security

Many factors can lead to a child's lack of security, when the sense of security is insufficient, how do we train him to make him trust us and make him safe?

First, play the game. Every child loves to play, is it the child who decides to play the game, or the adult who decides? Or adults should understand the child, to help him coordinate the environment, let him play well, rather than just help him play. In this process, we can exercise his sense of security and trust by playing.

For example, "peek-a-boo" is a way to train children's sense of trust and security. Take the hand to cover the face, count for 2 to 5 seconds, and then take it down, the child sees that the mother is gone, and then comes out, is not slowly he feels, I have trust in you, even if I am not there for a while, it does not matter, I am safe, even if I can't see my father in the blink of an eye, it is okay.

With this game of peek-a-boo, can we transition to a brief separation? For example, the mother tells the child what is wrong, returns to him after 10 seconds, and appears on time after 10 seconds. The child will feel that the mother is really back, it doesn't matter I am not afraid. And so on, gradually increasing the time.

In doing so, the child will build trust with the mother, and even if the mother is out for a long time, he will believe that the mother will definitely appear and the child will not become anxious. That is to say, we should let the child know that although the mother is temporarily away, the mother promises to come back at the agreed time, and the child will believe that the mother will come back at that time.

Here we also need to emphasize that even if the child is very small, whether it is 1 month or 2 months, if you make a commitment to the child, then you must be responsible. For example, I said I would come back after 2 hours, but I didn't come back. Doing so can affect your child's sense of trust in us.

So how do we increase our child's self-confidence and make him feel safe? There are several aspects:

First, learn. What he plays, according to his age and age, should continue to go in a relatively complex direction that conforms to his growth and development laws.

Second, habits. When your child develops the habit of placing and sorting items before the age of 3; before the age of 6, you develop the habits of getting up and folding the quilt, turning off the lights and closing the door, obeying the time and agreement, reading or writing before going to bed, thanking you, etc., then you will be surprised to find that as long as there is no special intervention or destruction, these habits will accompany the child like a shadow for a lifetime.

Third, deal with emotions. When a child encounters something that is bound to have an emotional episode, can we understand him? We understand him and understand his emotions in order to guide him to what to do when things happen. If we just stop and suppress it, it will have a negative impact on the child's psychology.

So to understand children aged 0 to 6, we need to be Montessori parents. What qualities should this Montessori parent have? Be busy and methodical, idle and emotional.

We must absolutely do what we should do ourselves; what we should let our child do, we assist him in doing. For example, brushing teeth, parents brush their children's teeth, or do parents and children brush their teeth at the same time? Your child can learn how to brush their teeth through the movement of your teeth brushing. Parents should be the helpers of their children's growth. Assistance means that you can help him provide an appropriate environment for growth.

2

A servant of the child's soul

What is a soul servant? The most straightforward explanation is that you don't just care about your child's food and clothing every day, you should pay more attention to your child's spiritual world. In other words, if the child feels that the servant of the soul is the parent, he will be particularly solid in his heart. We are not the child's leader but the guide, to guide him.

1, be a guide, not a leader

So how do we know if our children are willing to accept our guides? There are a few points:

Mental state

Manifestations of the child's mental fulfillment: contentment, joy, emotional stability, love in the heart, bright eyes, focused work, self-confidence, positivity and optimism, easy to get along with, discipline and rules.

Manifestations of children's mental incompleteness: emptiness and boredom, listlessness, easy to make mistakes, emotional instability, clingy and crying, unfocused, willful, timid, and chaotic.

Pathways to spiritual fulfillment: focused work; spontaneous interests are satisfied; learning new things they want to learn; curiosity and exploration are satisfied; and a sense of value is reflected.

Emotional state

What do kids do to calm down?

What do children do to delight?

What is the easiest thing to make a child angry?

What are children afraid of?

Hobbies

What can keep a child focused?

What do kids like to repeat?

Learning status

Is it self-directed learning, independent learning can make children feel accomplished in what they do, and they can achieve achievements. If we all do this, do you think your child can really grow on their own?

2. What parents should do

First, get to know your own children. We will find that babies who are four months old do not roll over and do not look up when they lie down. Why? I didn't let my child lie down. Because parents believe that such a young child lying on his stomach will compress the heart and lungs, which will have a great adverse impact on the child.

In fact, to truly educate children, we must first start by educating ourselves. Only then will we know how to assist our children. What is assistance? Assist, you want him to do this well, how do you assist him? You may know a lot more than he does, and you may be able to help him with this.

What should we do as parents?

First, give your child enough health self-confidence.

Second, give children enough spiritual food. What is Spiritual Food? It's love. What is love? Let him play well at 0 to 6 years old. It's easy to say, it's hard to do. Does he really like to play this game? Is it that he is very calm in the process of playing, although he has encountered many difficulties, and at the same time he has a special sense of accomplishment?

We have to learn to observe the child, you may think that the child is rebellious, ignore you, can not communicate, in fact, it is likely to be because the child has his own ideas. As our children grow older, we must constantly adjust our lifestyle. We must love learning, discover the child's strengths, so that he can love learning.

Third, environmental preparation must be properly prepared. Why properly? In fact, at the age of zero to one, we must try to meet the child as much as possible and respond to all his needs in a timely manner.

For example, after he has a bowel movement, he needs to change his diapers quickly. Or he is thirsty or hungry and needs water or milk.

For example, if the child wants to play with a pen or other things, all we need to do is to judge whether these things are risky to the child. If there is no risk then you can let him play appropriately. But for the knives and forks that we may use in our work, he may pick them up and get hurt, so at this time we use a very simple way to distract him. Don't say, this thing can't be taken.

3

Montessori Parent Basics

The author says that the growth of a child's body is at most a matter of one or two decades, but the maturity of a soul is a lifetime! So we need to help our children grow, so we need to learn the basic skills of Montessori parents.

1. Follow the natural laws of life growth

Undoubtedly, a truly good education should follow the natural laws of life growth. Every living individual has its own laws and talents, and giving all children uniform standards and growth plans is as terrible as prescribing the same prescription to all patients. Improper treatment is poisoning the body, and improper education is murdering the soul!

Montessori believed that parents should try to leave everything to "nature". The more freely babies develop, the more coordinated their bodies will be and the more robust their bodily functions will be. Not interfering with a child's natural development is a wise manifestation of how we help children grow.

For example, climbing trees, treading water, playing with mud, rolling grass, and catching insects should be an indispensable part of childhood, but many adults do not allow children to do this, it is dirty. Our family is a good example, my son wants to play with water or fruit, grandma said no, it will make the clothes dirty, and have to wash. In fact, we only need to prepare a set of clothes for the child to change. It is not terrible that the clothes are "dirty", and it is terrible that the child no longer moves.

2. Seize the sensitive period of the child

Because of different developmental projects, its sensitivity period is different, for example, we pay attention to his interest, concentration, patience, spontaneity, creativity and effectiveness, and so on. So let's talk about it separately.

The language sensitivity period is 0 to 6 years old. When the child is babbling, it is the beginning of the conversation, and we must respond at this time. You have to be patient and communicate with him face to face. You find that he is more and more um, and gradually he is able to speak.

For example, if the child did not want to sleep, the grandmother took him back to sleep and coaxed him to fall asleep for an hour. He's not sleepy, why are you coaxing him to sleep? That's why we don't communicate in words. If you talk to your child, ask him if he's sleepy? He may tell you that he doesn't want to sleep, but you don't need to rush him to sleep.

Then you may have said, since it is a sensitive period of language, can we teach him to learn English? The authors say this requires an environment and context.

For example, if we are Chinese, and I speak Mandarin, then it is easy for children to speak Mandarin to their children. But whether english is spoken or not, depending on your situation. If your English is very good and he's not fluent, then you're fine with him. But if your English is not in the state of native language. In this way, the child receives the wrong signal during the language sensitive period, which is likely to have a significant impact on his future language development.

We should not think that the language sensitive period must be to learn multiple languages, more is to let him use language, to communicate with us, there is a simple echo, to be able to communicate his feelings in detail, to understand what we say to him. In fact, this is the most important task in the language sensitive period.

Then, the sensitive period of society is two and a half years old to six years old. Socially sensitive periods have a greater relationship with parents.

For example, push your child down for a walk. Many one-year-olds wear masks and don't resist. The child thinks that wearing a mask is the right one. This is the socially sensitive period. Children's sensitivity to something must stem from the parents' cognition. Parents feel that they must wear masks now, and their children wear them.

For example, when my son sleeps, he must sleep in his arms, why? Because when Grandma coaxed him to sleep, he felt that he could sleep like this for a long time, which was because grandma's cognition was wrong. And what we really do is to create an environment for the child, and when the child slowly adapts, he will sleep in bed.

Therefore, when our parents are in the sensitive period of society, if they do something that we think is very necessary, we must pay attention to their attitude, way and method of treating things, so that children can subtly accept this situation.

3, to recognize the concentration

There are a few things to avoid when developing concentration.

First, adults arbitrarily interrupt and disrupt children's activities. For example, what can a child do seriously" is the mantra I often hear of the older generation. Playing with sand, playing with water, building blocks, drawing a picture, observing bugs, etc., are too worthless in the eyes of adults who insist on pragmatism. Adults feel that letting children do this is to see the child's boredom as a favor to the child occasionally, when he stops him, he has to stop, and if he lets him go, he has to go.

Adults are accustomed to casually instructing and arranging children's activities. As everyone knows, every time an adult interrupts a child's activities at will, it may destroy a certain experience and ability he has just built, and the next time he has to start again, he will not be able to concentrate for a long time.

Second, ignorant concern. When children concentrate on doing one thing, adults bring tea and water from time to time, feed this and that, and point, these are all interferences.

Third, there are too many toys. The more toys, the more difficult it is to choose, and the child does not know what he wants to play with.

Fourth, the excessive use of intelligent electronic products. Electronic devices are too convenient, children want to learn something online search, a few clicks can be, accustomed to being satisfied in time for children, patience is declining, attention is declining, imagination is declining, interpersonal skills are also declining.

Fifth, family activities are too frequent, especially irregular. When to take the children out every day, there should be a rough pattern. If there is no regularity, and it is changed casually, the parents say to go away, if they take the child out, the child will not be able to reach his attention.

Sixth, a sense of security.

How to cultivate your child's concentration? First, protect the child's developmental interests and use appropriate external stimuli. For example, you can help him through some other people's games, big kids games, and the power of parental role models. Don't ask your child to focus on everything you want him to do.

Second, there will be trade-offs. Start by choosing between toys. Children want to play, so what to play now is very important. For electronic products, it must be used appropriately.

4. Assist children to become independent

In fact, we want the child to become an adult, and the purpose of the adult is independence, but can we train him from an early age to gradually become independent?

For example, "Mom, I want to go to the bathroom." "Okay, let's go!"

"Mom, I'm going to bed." "All right, let's go!"

"Mom, I don't want to sleep yet." "No, it's time to sleep!"

"Mom, I'm going to write my homework a little later." "No way! Write your homework first! ”

Take a closer look, which of the above is not the child's own business? Shouldn't going to the bathroom, sleeping or not sleeping, and doing or not doing homework all be his own decisions? But the adult answer is full of sovereignty. Agreeing or disagreeing is implying to the child: your business is up to me.

Please don't treat your children as "approvers" for everything! If children do not get the exercise of autonomy from an early age, then their "approved" thinking will penetrate into all areas of life, solidifying and depriving them of the growth of independent thinking. In fact, to make the move to independence is to let the children make their own choices.

5. Give your children freedom

Freedom has three principles, as long as the child works without destroying the environment, not hurting others, and not hurting himself, at this time his work is completed in a free state, do not say what you think you should do.

Then there is the fact that we must make good use of freedom. The more freedom is used, the stronger its self-discipline. Because he knows that I can play here casually, provided that I don't destroy the environment, don't hurt others, and don't hurt myself, then when I play freely in the future, I will definitely demand myself according to this standard.

6. Respect children

The child must wear yesterday's clothes without the clothes you prepared for him, and he still insists after you explain the reason. You say: "I respect your decision, what clothes to wear is indeed your freedom, but I must make it clear that today's activity will be very large, if for a while you feel uncomfortable where you can only overcome it, can you do it?" "It's respect. If you say , "I really can't take you, well, whatever you like to wear," that's laissez-faire.

In Montessori's value system, it is important to assist children to move toward independence and maturity in life. Will be exams, will work is not the most remarkable thing, a person must first be independent personality, know their own value and significance, then he will not be easily swayed by others and the environment, so as not to go with the flow.