"Isn't it quite powerful at home, how come out like a stuffy gourd, beaten and don't dare to fight back..."
Some parents see that their children are "little overlords" and "little emperors" at home, and they are only promised outside, twisting and pinching, not daring to say a word loudly, and can't help but sigh:
"He's a nest-in-a-row, unable to support Adou."
Once the child is labeled as a "nest horizontal", he will develop in this direction and can no longer tear it off. This phenomenon is known in psychology as the "label effect." When a child is "labeled" by a particular word, he acts accordingly, thus matching the content of the label.
Often labeling children in this way does not change the child's behavior, but it is better to change the way of communication when communicating, only to say the facts themselves.
Psychology believes that the reason why there is a "label effect" is mainly because the "label" has a qualitatively oriented role, whether it is "good" or "bad", it has a strong impact on a person's "self-identification of personality consciousness". The result of "labeling" a person is often to make them develop in the direction of the "label".
Children do not like to communicate with people, encounter the idea that the powerful dare not express this is the fact itself, "nest horizontal", "can not afford to support the Adou" these are negative labels.
Some parents say that since negative labels are not good, if you put more positive labels on your children, will your children develop in this direction?
American MD Stanley Tourek said in "Tricky Kids":
"Understand the child's temperament, associate the child's behavior with the underlying temperament, and use temperament language to define the child's tricky behavior."
That is to say, as a parent, first understand the child's innate temperament, use the temperament to explain some of the child's tricky behaviors, so that parents can objectively and rationally look at the child, so as to make corresponding guidance.
A friend has an eight-year-old daughter in his family, and the most praised is that he is sensible. That day with her brother to play a game, in the process of grabbing toys, she has always let her brother, suddenly broke out, the girl cried hysterically, while crying said: "Why do you want me to let my brother every time, obviously it is my favorite toy, why do I have to give it to my brother every time." “
It turned out that behind the label of "sensible" posted by adults, the girl did a lot of things she did not want to do. Friends say:
"In the future, if you don't want to do something, you can not do it, don't be so sensible, you just have to be yourself." 」
Children who are labeled "sensible" are accustomed to taking the preferences of others as the premise from an early age, but if they refuse, they will be told by others that you no longer understand things, and you have changed. He is worried that the people around him will alienate him, and over time, he will become a "sensible" employee and a "sensible" boss when he grows up, and he lives in the expectations and approvals of others, in order to please others and dare not express his true needs. Do a lot of things you don't want to do, and that will hurt your child too much.
Not labeling at will is the last tenderness to the child, allowing the child to grow in his own direction, rather than in the direction of the label.
Parenthood is a practice, and children are the fruit of the path. Correct your words and deeds, and the fruit can be rounded and healthy. In the process of education, we will subconsciously pull the child to the perspective of adults to see the problem, forgetting that his experience and insight need to be slowly guided by adults, do not expect children to understand everything, and do not measure children by adult standards.
The younger the child, the more he agrees with the words of the parents, does not easily draw conclusions about the child, and does not label indiscriminately. Accept the characteristics of the child with your heart, give him correct and objective guidance, and let him become the best version of himself.
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