Children get angry at every turn, shout at a small thing, which makes many parents have a headache!
Objectively speaking, children will be reasonable, will cooperate, will discuss, can talk; children will also be cute, very creative, very positive, will play, can do, will communicate with the people around them!
Knowing this, after encountering the bad temper of the child many times, I decided to separate "Mr. Bad Temper" from the child. What parents have to do is not to confuse their children with "Mr. Bad Temper", reject and criticize, but to unite with children, mobilize their own strength, and deal with all kinds of unfavorable situations caused by "Mr. Bad Temper".
In this way, the parents can objectively observe what is happening from the perspective of the bystander, without being controlled by the "villain", not dealing with the problems it causes, it will not cooperate, it will not coax it, it will be angry, it will blame it, it will become stubborn, it will become very stubborn, it will become very stiff, it will become very bad, it will become very negative.
For children, they can also see and understand themselves more objectively. Since the child knows himself mainly through the reactions of others, his parents are angry with him and criticize him, and he will have a negative view of himself. In addition, the child is not clear about the difference between the part and the whole, so it is easy to unify a local problem and thus make the "bad temper" on a par with himself, so we want to help him distinguish himself, to distinguish him from "Mr. Bad Temper", to help him establish a new self-concept: you are a good boy; let us work together to make "Mr. Bad Temper" less troublesome, okay?
What is a "grumpy gentleman"?
When a child reaches the age of two or three, his "Mr. Bad Temper" begins to appear frequently. What the hell is going on with "Mr. Bad Temper"?
A child who is stubborn, even stubbornly insists on his own point of view, will show a stubborn, non-negotiable attitude, and will often adopt a negative attitude, saying "no" to the demands and suggestions of others. The situation in the "rebellious period" is a real headache, but if you think about it, this is not the real reason for the "grumpy sir", because he insists on his point of view, is respected and satisfied, but becomes irritable when he presents his opinion or refuses.
A small child like him, faced with this "huge" world, has so many things that he wants to accomplish but is powerless to do so, often rejected and replaced by proposals that parents think are more reasonable and appropriate. So, when he wanted to make a suggestion or reject a request, a thought of "I will be rejected" came to his mind, and his answer was: he had already begun to get angry before anyone had time to hear him. Seemingly absurd, in fact, "Mr. Grumpy" is full of frustration in his heart!
Sometimes, before he could speak, he couldn't cry, which sounded abnormal, but for a child, it was true. In this simple world, everything has to have a stable position, and everything has to be done in the order in which they are used to. In the eyes of adults, these orders may be irrelevant, but they are a small stable world. If the rules of the outside world are broken, it will be a devastating catastrophe.
If at the beginning the child cries, loses his temper, or cries for a period of time, or after the tantrum escalates, the child's needs are met, then the child will have a wrong feedback mechanism: crying + persistence = demand to be met. In addition, if the child cries, the parents will also be anxious, which is a wrong reaction and needs the comfort of others to control their emotions. First, he must react immediately, even if it is a little slower, it will take a long time to appease; third, he is likely to quarrel with him after he has calmed him.
Children are lively and active animals, and without enough entertainment, their vitality will be transformed into destructive energy. When children are bored, they tend to meet "Mr. Bad Temper". The word "boredom" itself is a negative emotion, and a child who is addicted to this emotion will often use anger to express his dissatisfaction.
Is this a grumpy kid? Patience alone is not enough, there must be a trick
Simple patience can not deal with "Mr. Grumpy", just like "Snake" in the game, has a very high endurance to "Grumpy". Isn't it worse to wait for their patience to run out and then get angry with their children? Moreover, if you do this, it is likely to lead to conflicts between parents and children, and will make children have an illusion: "Adults can be angry, and so can I!" ”
So, after identifying Mr. Bad Temper, the first thing I had to do was to get him back to his parents and stand on the same page as me: "Can we say goodbye to that bad guy together?" Turning the event into a game in which the child plays hide-and-seek with his parents and Mr. Bad Temper, and finally drives him away.
Step 1: Probe
You can agree on a "code word", or you can give a child something similar to a whistle, and as long as the "bad guy" is found, a whistle is blown. Generally speaking, when a child is angry, he will be attracted to his emotions, and when his parents are just one person, everyone will fall into his trap. Therefore, the first thing to do is to make everyone vigilant. In fact, when a toddler sticks out a finger and says "shh" or whistles, he is no longer angry.
Step 2: Persuasion
What happens when he finds Out Mr. Bad Temper? Of course, he can't be as angry with him as he is. Persuasion, sometimes, is useful; it's also helpful to focus your attention on something more interesting. Let the children try it too, and he will use the words that his parents said to him before to deal with the "bad temper man".
Step 3: Scribble
Neither of the first two methods is omnipotent, or only short-lived; when Mr. Bad Temper turns around and leaves, he will come back the next second, and when he nods and says "yes", he suddenly becomes irritable, which gives him a lot of headaches.
Now he's going to use this deadly trick: draw a line between "Mr. Bad Temper" and "Kid" and use a concrete, obvious body movement! Or take the "bad-tempered man" to a small room, let him stay in it, close the door, and the child will say "bye-bye" to him. The child's connection to the external material world actually corresponds to his spiritual world, so that he can escape more easily after the "Mr. Bad Temper" is divided.