Author: Su Mo
Yesterday I was rushing to the manuscript, and the child was playing with the board puzzle with his father.
The puzzle widgets are more chaotic, and the two people in the process of playing, heard the daughter keep teaching dad.
"Dad, you have to be careful, if you lose the parts, the puzzle can't be completed."
"Daddy, the color of this dragonfly's wings should be symmetrical, and you have to be careful to spell them correctly."
Wow, Daddy this big fights awesome, come on, reward you with a moh-
"Dad, play with the toy and put it in its original position."
Listening to my daughter's conversation, I suddenly realized that the conversation between my daughter and her father was what I usually said when I played puzzles with her.
The mother's words and deeds, in daily life, have subtly affected the child.
Every child, when he grows up, will have the appearance of a mother.
Children's growth stems from the unconscious imitation of the people closest to them.
The American thinker Emerson said: "What kind of person a child will eventually become depends mainly on the quality of love, companionship and exemplary example he receives from the first educator." ”
The height of a mother plays a crucial role in the growth of a child.
01
A mother who knows how to put the relationship between husband and wife first in the family
We first have a loving Him, and only then do we have children.
We must first learn to be each other's lovers, and then be parents.
The opening chapter of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina says: "Happy families are all similar, and unhappy families have their own misfortunes." ”
Every happy family must have a loving couple, and a stable and harmonious family environment is easier to cultivate children with happiness.
barb. Bush is the wife of the 41st PRESIDENT of the United States, George W. Bush, and the mother of the 43rd President, George W. Bush.
Barbara fell in love with Bush at first sight at the age of 16, and since then she has been defending her husband's image at every turn, accompanying Bush from nothing to president of the United States.
Throughout their lives, they raised eyebrows and supported each other, and Bush Sr. once wrote this letter to Barbara:
"You educate our children strictly and train them to be manly, and I may have climbed to the top of the world, but I still feel that I don't deserve you, I love you." 」
This woman, who is both the wife of the president and the mother of the president, has raised a total of 6 children in her life, and her children are engaged in business or politics, and everyone lives a wonderful life.
When Barbara was asked the secret of educating her children, she said: "In fact, I married well, and had a good marriage, which is the last family education." ”
Their love for several years silently affected the children, and George W. Bush sighed after Barbara's death:
"Mom is the one who keeps us down to earth and makes us laugh to the end, and I'm very lucky that Barbara is my mom."
Zhao Changming, the principal of Beijing No. 4 Middle School, once said: "Whoever puts his child first, most of the people who wait for this family are tragedies." ”
Zhihu has a question: "What is it like to have a very happy family?" ”
Netizens are very different, but the answer is similar:
"When I was in elementary school, the parents of my elementary school classmates came arm in arm to pick up my classmates and make the rest of us admire, and then the home of that classmate became the most beautiful family in our hearts."
A smart mother will never put her child first in the family, because she knows how to learn how to love children who grow up in the immersion of love.
02
A mom who is willing to let go
We slowly watched the little people around us grow up in a meal and porridge, and there were always times when we felt that we were about to be unable to catch her.
Or maybe we're more afraid that when our child grows up, she'll no longer be her only one.
We always want to slow down and let that warm dependence stay a few more days.
Some time ago, Zhu Yuchen in the variety show "My Family's That Boy" because of his mother, hot circle of friends.
Zhu Yuchen's mother really used her entire life to love her son, to the point where she had no self at all.
She was afraid that her son was busy at work, so she got up at 4 a.m. every day to boil pear juice, which was 10 years.
She was worried that the crew's food was not good, afraid that her son would hurt his stomach, so she took a pot, and no matter where her son went to shoot, she followed to cook.
Zhu Yuchen's mother's all-pervasive love permeates his entire life, but the seemingly selfless love is actually a cage that imprisons her son.
Such borderless, suffocating love, is it really what the child wants, or is it the wishful thinking of the mother?
One detail in the show that impressed me:
After Zhu Yuchen invited his friends to his home for a small gathering, he felt the loneliness coming.
Zhu Yuchen curled up in the kennel, singing loudly, venting his loneliness, and finally he was tired, but only the dog accompanied him, and he slept in the kennel.
The love that a mother pours out to the fullest seems to be a lot, but it is actually a burden for the child.
In the name of love, reluctant to let go of the child, these loves will eventually become the shackles on the way forward for the child.
Long Yingtai said: "The so-called mother-son scene only means that your fate with him is that in this life and this life, you are constantly watching his back fade away, and you stand at this end of the path, watching him gradually disappear into the place where the path turns, and he silently tells you with his back shadow: No need to chase." ”
Only mothers who know how to quit and are willing to let go can cultivate a truly independent child.
03
Mothers who know how to respect their children
In the 2018 college entrance examination, Zheng Chenxiao, a middle school in Hefei, Anhui Province, won the title of anhui provincial college entrance examination with 678 points.
Zheng Chenxiao's mother said: "The relationship between me and my daughter is an equal and almost friendly relationship, we have nothing to talk about, but I also have my own principles, that is, unconditionally love children, but never spoil children, and do not interfere and control children's lives too much." ”
Zheng Chenxiao also said that her mother never forced herself to do anything, she was free-range, she liked to travel, her mother fully respected her choice, compared to her mother's identity, she was more like a girlfriend to accompany her.
The college entrance examination, on the surface, seems to be a competition of knowledge, but in essence, it is not difficult to see that the height of a mother determines the height of the child's future.
Only by respecting the child and giving him more choices will he slowly know what is meaningful.
As Gibran said, your children are not actually your children, they are children born of their desire for themselves, they are beside you, but they do not belong to you.
Respecting children is the upbringing of a mother's life.
04
A mother who knows how to grow up
Many mothers think that it is also a kind of happiness to get married and be surrounded by trivialities of chai rice oil and salt.
Since then, in life, more attention has been paid to the family and the children, but I have forgotten myself alone.
My cousin, after giving birth, used to be confused about whether to work or be a stay-at-home mom.
So she complained about not being able to go to work while unhappily accompanying her children.
Mothers who refuse to grow up will subconsciously transfer the task of growing up to their children.
Slowly, she became grumpy until the day when the child said "I hate my mom", she burst into tears.
In fact, Dong Qing, a famous host of CCTV, also has the same entanglement.
After Dong Qing gave birth, when faced with the dilemma of work and life imbalance, a word from a friend woke her up.
The friend said, "What kind of person you want your child to be, it's very simple, you just want to be that kind of person yourself." ”
After that, Dong Qing understood that only if you work hard to become better, the child will have love and respect for you, and she decided not to stop because of the child, nor did she want to give up and continue to grow.
Thus, there is now the Reader.
A mother who strives to live out herself is the best example for her children.
Taiwanese spiritual writer Huang Shuwen said:
"As long as you live out the example you want to give your child, the child will naturally grow into the person they see." 」
The best education for children is to lead by example, every mother is the child's first teacher, and a good mother is better than several good teachers.
The height of the mother determines the future of the child.
*About the Author: Jiaxuebao, a family education expert at your disposal, produces original audio, video, assessment and graphic content to provide parents with a full range of family education support.