Hello everyone, I'm Mommy.
If one day the child asks, "Mom and Dad, will you die?" When did you die? How would you answer?
I recently found this answer in a movie: "Dad will leave his body, but I will always be by your side, and you will hear my response in your heart." 」
I will be in the air around you, in the sunshine that warms you, and in the rain that wets you..." For children, this is definitely a beautiful, easy-to-understand explanation.
It's just, this dad, he's really going to die.
John is a 34-year-old single dad with a 3-year-old son named Mike.
John's life was simple, almost only two things: polishing glass and spending time with children. Every morning he sends his children to kindergarten, then drives around to clean the windows of customers, picks up his son after work, and enjoys his father-son time.
But not long ago, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, with only a few months left.
When John learned of his illness, he did not have time to be sad, and he gave himself a new task: to find a home for his son before he died, to find a complete home.
John approached the agency and wanted to choose a pair of parents for his son through adoption.
At first, he thought that this was not difficult, as long as the other party had love, he could rest assured that he would hand over his son, after all, he was not a good person, and maybe his son could still get the mother he had always longed for.
But when he came into contact with one adoptive family after another, he realized how sensitive and harsh he was about it, and finally he made an "unexpected" choice.
The first adoptive family, the couple, who lived on a suburban estate, were courteous and knowledgeable, and at first glance had the conditions to provide "quality education" to their children.
But John found that the other party cared more about whether the child would be good in the future. The couple talked about family traditions, mentioned that little Mike would go to the best school, and wanted their children to be like them.
In fact, this is not bad, maybe with this couple, little Mike will achieve good results in the future, that is John wiped a lifetime of glass can not give.
So on the way home, he tentatively asked his son if he wanted a beautiful new home, and Mike Jr. replied that he had his own home.
The son has no feelings, and that is certainly not a good choice.
Mike Jr. is only 3 years old, but John cares a lot about what he thinks, which is his first rule of thumb for choosing parents for his son.
Because children do not have any utilitarianism, their perception of adult and family atmosphere is pure.
For example, in the second family, the couple knew that Little Mike wanted to have a puppy, or unabashedly expressed their dislike for dogs, and also suggested that Little Mike raise rabbits in the future.
On the way home, John tested his son again, in fact, the little bunny is also very cute, isn't it? Little Mike replied, "I want a puppy." Obviously, this one doesn't work either.
There is also a couple who talk about wanting children and will definitely be good to little Mike. But when they brought John and his son to visit the house, they were afraid that the 3-year-old child would break the model of the house, and finally even asked for the doll given to little Mike.
Even some people, who can have children themselves, have already adopted many children, seven or eight large and small in the family, and they still have to continue to adopt. While promising to give their children enough love, they may covet government grants.
A few looked down, and John was disappointed and desperate.
Because he was abandoned by his parents at an early age, he has been torn between different foster families since he was 10 years old.
He knows that living in a home with obvious flaws can be a form of torture.
To this end, when the agency staff suggested that the child should be given a memory box about the father, he even refused. John felt that as long as his adoptive parents had love, little Mike had nothing to forget about himself.
He didn't want the memories of his own death to accompany his son for the rest of his life, he wanted him to have a perfect childhood.
In fact, those families who can enter the shortlist are not really bad, at least they can raise their children to grow up.
For a dying person, the most basic requirements can be met. But for John, that wasn't enough.
It's not that he's arrogant and demanding, it's that he's already done everything dad can do.
The daily relationship between father and son can definitely move all parents.
Mike Jr.'s mom left when he was 6 months old.
John didn't complain, he was a dad during the day and a mom at night, and he hadn't slept once in years.
Little Mike was finally able to go to kindergarten, and John didn't slacken off, leaving almost all his spare time for his son.
In the morning, before dawn, little Mike came to his father with a picture book to tell a story. John awoke from his fatigue and gently took his son into his arms.
Before the birth of his son, John was not a good man in the traditional sense. But after the birth of his son, John put away all the violence, and he would not even say a dirty word in front of his son.
John was not very literate and didn't make much money doing cleaning.
But he was patient and patient, and for several years his notebook was full of accumulated customers, and he wrote down the personality habits of each customer clearly.
Because he knew that these would allow his son to eat fresh grapes every day, buy his favorite truck toys, and go to the supermarket without being shy.
When he wasn't working, John took his son to stand by the side of the road watching the excavator.
Pick a fleas for your son to stick to in kindergarten.
Paint with your son.
Lying on the grass of the park chatting about childish topics.
John's harshness has been traced, when his children have become accustomed to getting the best love in the world, how can they bear to let go easily?
Clever little Mike also sensed his father's embarrassment, perhaps hearing too many adults talk about the word, and one day he suddenly looked up and asked, "What is adoption?"
After John finished explaining, Mike Jr. said, "I don't want to be adopted." ”
John looked at his son's back pestle in place, not knowing what to do. If he could, he would like to spend his life with his son.
John learned from his son, pondered his thoughts, but found that his illness was too serious to maintain balance.
Time is running out and the selection of families can only continue. John finally fixed his gaze on a divorced single woman.
She has the worst financial conditions and a modest family background, but she's the only one willing to squat down and play trucks with Mike Jr. During the brief meeting, she also took a large bag of hard candy from the kitchen and placed it in Little Mike's truck as "cargo". Back at home, John asked his son, what did you put in the truck?
Mike Jr. replied, "Hard candy." ”
At that moment, John had the answer in mind. Although this family is flawed, there is also love that other families cannot give. So he began to prepare to say goodbye. Accompany little Mike to drive the truck again.
It's not terrible to tell little Mike that death is not terrible, and if he finds out that Dad is no longer around, he will be present in the delicacy of every grape.
Since the family doesn't have a dad, put everything about dad in a memory box.
A letter a year until the day I grow up.
That day, John took Mike Jr. by the hand and sent his son to his "mom" house.
He also completed the last part of the road to accompany his son.
For little Mike, there is no difference in tearing his heart and lungs, just like every day Dad gives his hand to the kindergarten teacher: Dad is always there.
The film is called "Obscurity" and has also been translated as "Find a Home for You", based on a true story. When I first saw the title and synopsis, I thought there would be a plot that would make people cry and tear their hearts.
After really looking into it, I found that what impressed people was the ordinary father and son's ordinary coexistence.
The film reflects some questions about the social foster care mechanism, but more of a silent warning to ordinary parents.
We may not face The dilemma of John in our lifetime, but we are always faced with choices.
In the past two years, I have always heard this statement: if you can't give your child a good material condition, giving birth to a child is a sin.
I agree that you should be prepared before having a child, but I don't think that whether the child is happy or not depends entirely on the material conditions.
The families that John rejected were Kochi families and wealthy families, but children who grew up in such families may not have a happy childhood.
Compared with material safety, the child's spiritual wealth is the most precious wealth of his life.
The children of rich people are not necessarily happy, and the children of people without money are not necessarily unhappy.
The key is whether we, as parents, can treat our children as an independent individual, love him, and respect him.
It lies in whether the love we give to our children is enough to give him the courage to face the storms and rains in life.
What kind of love you give him, he will grow into what kind of person.
In fact, after having a child, I often have such a strange thought: If one day I am gone and the child has not grown up, what should I do?
John in the film, the dad gives the best answer: life does not have to be assumed. If you can, even if there is only one day left in life, it should be used to love the child well.