This article is reproduced from: Growing Tree
Author: Little Tree Mom
The british large-scale documentary "Seven Years of Life", many mothers should have seen it. It tracks 14 different children, documenting their lives between the ages of 7 and 63. Japan, the United States, Russia... They also shot their own national versions.
Recently, when I wanted to revisit it, I found that there was a new version of "Seven Years of Life" in the Uk.
It was filmed in 2000, when the first episode was filmed, the children were 7 years old, and since then they have been visited every 7 years to record the trajectory of their lives.
In this way, the children were born in 1993 and are living a similar life to our post-90s generation.
The latest episode was filmed in 2021, and when the epidemic was frequent, children wore masks and their life plans were shelved.
The closeness of time and age makes people inevitably feel a little intimate when watching.
Of course, as a mother, what I feel most deeply is the child's growth process and life direction.
I remember when I watched the old version of "7 Years of Life" before, many articles said that it revealed the solidification of class.
In the new version, this solidification still exists, but I don't know why, chasing the whole series, I feel more of a hope: no matter what the origin, children can live an ordinary and happy appearance in the right position and rely on their own efforts.
Rich family: Oliver
Admitted to Yale and Cambridge
It was only at the age of 28 that I really set off
Of all the kids who followed the shoot, Oliver was undoubtedly one of the best family conditions.
His father was a finance lawyer, his mother was a department store director, and the family lived in a villa in central London.
As the only son in the family, Oliver is naturally pampered, not only has a separate playroom, but also a personal nanny to take care of himself.
In terms of education, parents naturally spare no effort.
Oliver grew up attending private schools, attending Eton College and enjoying top-notch educational resources.
Under the support of his family, he was admitted to Yale University, and later studied for a master's degree and a doctorate in Oxford.
At the work stage, Oliver also worked in a large enterprise and earned a lot of money.
On academic qualifications, on work, on income, in fact, he is a winner in life.
But even so, oliver's expression was always one of whining, anxiety, and uneasiness.
From his choice of universities, masters, and doctors, we may be able to find the answer.
At Yale, Oliver majored in history. Later, while studying for a master's degree in Oxford, he studied a profession that was convenient for work.
But even though he did a good job, he couldn't find his passion.
As Kant said: A man who lives without a goal is like a ship sailing without a compass.
Oliver is like a well-made boat, but can't find the course, can only turn in place.
After spending 3 years in pain and entanglement, Oliver resolutely resigned and returned to school.
This time, he found a career he loved writing and wanted to become a professional writer.
There is a very popular saying: family education is used to support children. This support, in fact, has two aspects:
One is upward channels, such as educational resources, money.
The other is the motivation to grow upwards, such as love and responsibility.
A solid family and rich resources can largely guarantee the lower limit of a child.
But whether a child can achieve happiness ultimately depends on whether they can find the love that their hearts desire. Only by finding the direction and continuing to work hard can children truly realize their self-worth and become better selves.
Middle-class family: Owen
From talented athletes
To the happy ordinary people
Jimmy said: There are always many accidents in life, and the kite in your hand will suddenly break the line.
This sentence is used to describe Owen's growth process, which seems to be very appropriate.
Born into a family of sports, he has shown great talent from an early age.
Swimming, football, judo, rugby, golf... Everyone is exquisite, and at a young age, he won a lot of trophies with his brothers and sisters.
Talented, he likes, and family guidance, how to see him is a good seedling of athletes.
Later, as I expected, Owen became the British swimming champion at the age of 12 or so.
As a result, he was selected for the most famous club and became a seeded player in preparation for the Olympic Games.
But like I said earlier, things are uncertain, and fate makes people.
Although he has always insisted on training, in the training camp of the mountains and forests, his efforts seem so insignificant.
Irving, 16, regrettably withdrew because he did not meet the preparation criteria.
For a teenager, giving up the dream that has been insisted on for more than a decade is obviously a heavy blow.
But he is not only suffering from psychological frustration, but also with realistic pressures.
Because of his focus on swimming, other events were shelved early and he missed the best training period.
Turning his head to go to school, Irving's grades were not up and down, which seemed particularly embarrassing.
In the case of "two-end blockage", Owen, who did not go to college, went to the bank at the age of 19 to do claims work.
The work is not only boring, but also very hard, from 7:30 in the morning to 8:00 in the evening, often for a day.
But when I saw Owen at the age of 28, I found his little life quite moist: he had a car and a house, and he had two children with his loving wife.
What's even more interesting is that Owen is also the only child in the documentary to start a family.
All this is due to Owen's perfect original family and happy childhood life.
The documentary once gave a set of data: 40% of children in the UK can only live with one parent.
So 7-year-old Owen feels that he is really lucky - the family is not poor, and the parents still love each other.
At the age of 21, he is at a low point in life, even if he is depressed, he is still so optimistic: with his parents as an example, (I) should not be too bad.
Although Owen's parents rarely appear on camera, it can be seen from the words and deeds of their children that they must have given their children enough companionship and guidance.
We often say that the family determines destiny. In fact, what affects children the most is not the family conditions, but how much love and support the children have gained in the family from an early age.
When a child is convinced that he or she will always be loved, their sense of security, belonging, and value will naturally be built.
When a child has felt warmth and happiness since childhood, they will be attached to the world, believing that the world is worth it, and the future can be expected.
He travels day to the trough of life, and with these things, the child can soar against the wind and smile at the wind and rain.
Blue-collar family: John
From dropping out of school to working
Go to college at your own expense
You may think that these two children, one from a well-off family and one with great talent, have certain particularities.
Then the following child seems to be a lot more grounded.
His name was John, and he lived in a restructured family with his mother, who was a blue-collar worker.
When he was 7 years old, John, like many ordinary children, did not like to read, but only wanted to play and watch TV.
He did not have a detailed life plan, only vaguely saying that he wanted to make a lot of money and achieve success in the worldly sense.
Lacking the guidance of his parents and the learning atmosphere, John did not realize the preciousness of reading, and he gave up his studies very early to earn money to work.
John, 21, who has worked in a bike shop for 5 years, has noticed that this mechanical work is boring and promising.
In the eyes of many netizens, John may be the one with the highest risk factor in life.
Looking at the work, he is doing physical work, eating youth rice is easy to be replaced, and it is difficult to have long-term development.
Looking at the deposit, John believes in timely pleasure and belongs to the "Moonlight Family" without compromise.
Surprisingly, John, 28, is still very comfortable.
I have been wondering, why is it that the "unreliable" baby is so strong in anti-risk ability?
From some details, we may be able to find the answer:
When the second episode was filmed, children of the same age were still in school, and John began to get up early every day to deliver newspapers and earn pocket money for himself.
At the age of 18, he moved out of his home and became self-reliant.
Realizing the risk of unemployment, John, with the help of a friend, changed careers as an electrician and took the initiative to learn a craft.
Eventually, he went to university with this salary and planned to move to Australia. (Only because the epidemic is on hold)
Probably compared with the first two children, John has no ambitions and no extraordinary talent.
But he has a very valuable quality, that is, self-reliance and self-improvement.
Although he has fallen behind and taken detours, because of John's strong sense of responsibility for himself, his life will not be much worse.
As Yang Dai's father said: Teaching children to be independent is better than being the first.
Life is so long, parents can not protect their children for a lifetime, they will eventually have to go alone.
We truly love our children, and at a very young age, we must teach him to do housework and respect his will.
Let him learn to solve problems on his own; let him take care of himself and master the ability to survive; let him make his own decisions and learn to bear the consequences of choices; let him bear moderate setbacks and learn from experience and lessons.
These are all necessary drills for children's future lives, and if they do not learn when they are young, they will be very sad to grow up.
Our children can not be excellent, but they must not be independent.
As a parent, you can't help but clear all obstacles for your children and let them have a smooth life.
But after watching the new version of "7 Years of Life", we will find that rich as Oliver, genius like Irving, or ordinary like John, have fallen a lot.
Regardless of class and starting point, children have to face their own life difficulties. No matter how much parents plan, they can't escape it.
But on the other hand, as long as the child has a loving, optimistic, and independent spirit, he can always find his own way out.
Life is only a few decades, in fact, most of them are ordinary people.
As the British writer Maugham wrote: I did my best and lived an ordinary life.
In fact, as long as children can work hard to live their own wonderful, this is enough.