"New Oriental" Yu Minhong's daughter wants to give up learning piano, and his answer is really wise!

"Baby, when you grow up, everyone will have a lot of lonely times, if my mother and I were not around you at that time, if you could have a piano and music to accompany you, you wouldn't feel lonely, because you could talk." 」 Whether or not to continue to decide for yourself, this is Dad's consistent principle for you. ”

This is Yu Minhong's encouragement when his daughter wants to give up practicing, and he also attaches special importance to the aesthetic education of his children, he believes that when education is too eager to make quick gains, this lesson can only be made up by parents for their children.

As a parent of a piano child, Mr. Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental, also has his own experience. Today's "Parenting Classic", excerpted from his new book "Growth is more important than success", shared the growth story of his daughter, naturally talked about his own perception and reflection on family education, I believe that it can make parents feel empathy, resonance and gain.

Text | Yu Minhong

Abandon or continue?

My daughter, who played piano from elementary school, won the first prize in the Vancouver Children's Piano Competition at the age of seven. At the age of eight, he took the piano level 10. In Canada, a grade of 10 is the highest level of a piano. At that time, my wife thought that there was going to be a pianist in the family, so she began to add weight to her daughter. Increased to five hours per week.

This caused my daughter's enthusiasm to drop suddenly, and after less than a year of entanglement, she said to me: "Dad, I don't learn anymore, I have no interest in piano." I looked at my daughter and thought, what can I do about this? I said to my daughter, "If you don't have an interest, you won't learn, whether you learn piano or not, dad knows that you used to be the first place in the Vancouver Children's Piano Competition." Play the piano or not, you decide for yourself, this is Dad's consistent principle for you. ”

My daughter was happy to leave, but my wife was not happy, and she insisted that her daughter continue her studies. Later, I discussed with my wife that during this period, let the child pause for a while to help her calm down and adjust her mood. Because in my opinion, if the child is not interested, we still force her to continue learning, which will make her rebellious.

A week later, I went to a concert with my daughter.

After the concert, I said to my daughter:

"Baby, you see, you play the piano so well, it's a shame if you don't keep playing." You have studied for so many years before, suffered so much, said that if you lose it, you will lose it, and I feel aggrieved by your efforts. Later, when you go to high school and college, when there are classmates at a party, if there are classmates singing, if you can play the piano to accompany them, everyone will think you are very powerful, right?

Also, I asked you to learn the piano at that time, hoping that you would have one more partner in the future, you know? When you grow up, everyone will have a lot of lonely times, and if my mother and I were not around you at that time, and you could have a piano to accompany you, you would not feel lonely, because you could talk.

I also often have lonely moments, but I don't have a channel to vent my emotions. Sometimes, I especially wish I could play an instrument like you, so that I can pop out or blow out the depression and loneliness in my heart, and then I will be much happier. But I won't, and I don't have time to learn. So, I don't want you to be like me in the future, I don't want you to give up the piano so easily, but I'm not going to force you to play the piano. ”

"Enjoyable and enjoyable"

It will make children actively pursue greater progress

Later, I found out that when we didn't force our daughter to play the piano, she went to practice herself. Sometimes when I am tired of writing homework, I will play the piano for about 15 minutes, and then continue to write homework, and when I am tired, I will play again. In this way, you can play two or three hours a week. Now, she still plays the piano very fluently, and she is also interested in other instruments.

One day six months ago, she said she wanted to learn to play the drums, and I said, "Okay, buy a set and pull it home and practice it." As a result, after practicing for a while, she joined the Vancouver Youth Symphony Orchestra as a drummer in the band.

Self-confidence is cultivated little by little, and now, when she talks about music with her classmates, she not only has enthusiasm, but also appreciates her performance in music. Children are like this, and happiness will make them pursue greater happiness.

Three years ago, I took her to a Disney ice dance with former figure skating world champions, all dressed in Disney costumes. My daughter has loved going to Disney since she was a child, and after watching it, she was very excited and said to me, "I want to be an ice dance champion." I thought to myself, how is this possible? Those champions all started learning at the age of six or seven, and now she is 11 years old. But I said, "Okay, you go and learn." ”

Abroad, there are a lot of skating rinks, and the fees are also cheap, about two or three dollars at a time. My wife hired a coach for my daughter to teach her ice dance. Because she likes it, she works hard and works hard.

Usually, she gets up at eight o'clock every day, and after starting to learn ice dance, she goes to the ice rink to practice at six o'clock. Her movements are graceful and the coach is very happy with her progress. However, once, she jumped up to do a 360-degree rotation in the air, and accidentally sprained her foot when she landed, and her dream of skating was shattered.

Later, she kept discovering new dreams. Now, she loves snowboarding again. It's a sport that requires a lot of physical coordination and bravery, but she's willing to practice. I know that as long as you love, there will be a steady stream of motivation.

Last week, she told me that this summer she was going to New Zealand for snowboarding events and competitions. Seeing my daughter's increasing enthusiasm for life, I am also full of expectations for her growth.

Because our education is too hasty

Aesthetics is a lesson that parents should give their children to make up

Parents should cultivate their children to have a good state of mind. I have always felt that for children, book learning is only part of learning, and it is more important to cultivate their good mood.

What is a good state of mind? It is an emotional state of loving life and loving nature. How many of our parents have ever taken their children out at night to see the stars? Shouldn't be much.

Not long ago, I saw a news item on the Internet: the title of the essay for the middle school entrance examination in a certain province is "What do the stars in the sky tell us?" One student wrote only one sentence: "Teacher, where are the stars?" "Can a child not know where the stars are?" Definitely know. However, the child really did not see it with his own eyes.

Once, I took my son and daughter to the sea in Cuba. At that time, it was the evening of the fifteenth lunar calendar, the moon slowly rose from the sea, our whole family sat on the beach by the sea to watch the moon rise little by little, the waves pushed the moonlight has been floating around us, there is a feeling of "the sea bright moon is born together", very beautiful.

We watched for about an hour and a half, and the weather slowly got colder. I said to the two children, "It's a little cold, let's go back." My daughter said, "I don't want to go back, I want to see the moon rise above my head." "I sat with her for three hours.

My daughter had never sat motionless like this for so long, and I knew that this beauty had touched her soul. On the way back, my daughter said to me, "I found the world as one." I asked her what she meant by that. She said, "Didn't you find out?" The sea, the moon and man are not separated. "My daughter's words made me feel that the night was rewarding, and she had a new experience and discovery of nature.

Now, under my nurturing, my daughter especially loves nature. The scenery of nature has made her mind broader and increased her love of the world and life. I think that in the life of a child, the objective environment will constantly change, they can change very limited, only the state of mind always belongs to themselves. Parents help their children build a beautiful state of mind, which helps them to transcend the worldly troubles and shackles, reach a higher state of life, and make life elegant and abundant.

Children's lives should have poetic, elegant parts, and they should have the ability to appreciate all that is good. However, now domestic children rarely have a poetic mood and elegant life, because our education is too eager to make quick gains, and does not give poetry and elegant growth space, this lesson, parents should make up for their children.

In fact, the word "beautiful" is inseparable in children's lives, and when children's hearts are full of poetry and are in a state of emotional love for nature for a long time, their lives must be beautiful.

I said this to my daughter more than once

"You can't succeed, but you can't fail to grow."

Every year when my daughter returns to China, I will take her to some poor areas or ethnic minority areas for a walk. The year before, I took her to Qinghai, and last year, I took her to Yunnan to show her how children in poor areas live. At first, my daughter did not dare to go to the toilet in the countryside, because the toilets in some backward areas were built outside, and there were two wooden planks on it, which were very simple.

We went in the summer, it was hot and there were thousands of maggots squirming under the planks in the toilet. In the past, she had only seen the toilets at home and in the hotel, so she was neither used to nor afraid of such toilets, but after two or three months, she was used to it. Therefore, a lot of things can be practiced.

Returning to China this summer, she joined a team abroad to support rural teaching in impoverished areas of China. She sorted out all the small clothes she had worn and took them over to the students she taught. I am very happy about this, because I want to cultivate my daughter's love of life and love for others.

Children have two things that can not be less. First, the love of life cannot be less. No matter how your studies are, even if you don't go to college, just go to secondary school and junior college, you must be full of love for life and life.

Second, the ability to cooperate with and share with others cannot be less. People are social animals, and they need to give and warm to each other, which is a kind of ability and a responsibility, and it is necessary for children to consciously assume it.

Not long ago, my daughter's school held a leadership training camp for only 15 people. As a result, more than 100 people signed up for exams, filled out forms, wrote their own articles, and finally interviewed. My daughter came home and told me she had signed up and was ready to attend.

My wife and I were surprised because our daughter was introverted and didn't like to talk in front of people. But my wife and I both nodded and said, "Well, we support you!" "But our hearts pinched a handful of sweat for her. Unexpectedly, my daughter actually passed the interview.

At that time, the examiner asked her, "Did you have leadership experience?" Why would you want to attend this leadership camp? My daughter said, "Well, I know I don't have leadership experience, but my dad is a particularly leadership person, he's the object of my admiration, and I want to learn from my dad and be like my dad in the future." It is precisely because I have no leadership right now that I want to enter this leadership training camp to serve and lead everyone. ”

Her words amused the examiner, and on the third day the results were announced, and a total of 15 people were admitted, and she was actually inside. I am pleased with my daughter's progress, as she grew up as an introverted and non-talkative child. Now, she can have such a performance, indicating that she is growing, full of confidence and ideals.

I remember an American professor once said to me, "Chinese children live too tired." In their lives, there are only two words – one is 'success' and the other is 'hard work'. He also asked me strangely: "Is it possible that you don't give your children happiness, but you say that you want your children to be happy?" ”

We are indeed too obsessed with success, but I am well aware that for this generation of children, their success must be based on happiness. Otherwise, in the future of the integration of the world economy and cultural exchanges, competition will become more and more fierce, and without happiness as the foundation, they will not go far.

As a father, I have two educational goals for my two children, first to cultivate a positive mindset through happy life experiences, and then to actively help them grow. I think growth is more important than success. I want to guide my children to reach their full potential, live happily, and be the best version of themselves.

I've said to my daughter more than once, "You can be unsuccessful, but you can't be without growing." ”

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