A parent left a message a few days ago saying:
C Mom, the child is 4 and a half years old, recently always saw him touching the little cock, but also erect. I was embarrassed to see it and didn't know how to guide it.
This is obviously different from the occasional play when he was a child, he often touched it when he was not there, and this time I accidentally saw it.
Although I know that this is just a physiological phenomenon, it is still very embarrassing, in case it is seen by others. What am I going to do???
For these behaviors of children, many parents feel embarrassed and surprised, you say manage it, and you don't know how to manage it.
Regardless of it, and worried that the child's behavior is getting more and more serious, what if it has a bad impact on the body or psychology?
Today we will talk about the behavior of children always touching their private parts.
Why do children behave like this?
For children at a young age, it is normal to touch private parts.
According to research, more than 90% of children will have the behavior of touching and playing with their genitals.
So, don't worry about your own children being different, it's just a natural process for children to explore their own bodies. It's the same thing they're exploring their mouths, hands, feet, etc., it's a perfectly normal thing, it has nothing to do with sex.
Both physically and psychologically, it is completely harmless.
Physiologically speaking, there are different sensory areas in the brain corresponding to various parts of the body, and the nerve endings on the genitals are very rich, and it will feel more special than touching other parts of the body.
Because it feels novel and even pleasurable, your baby's touch behavior may be more frequent.
Liking the feeling of being comfortable and making yourself comfortable is an innate ability of people, in addition to touching the genitals, making people feel comfortable behaviors include digging nostrils, picking toes, eating fingers, etc. Although it is not very elegant, it is indeed normal, and there is nothing to worry about.
Generally speaking, the baby's behavior of touching the genitals begins at the age of one, and to 3-6 years old is a high incidence of touch, and when it is 6-7 years old, it will gradually disappear and enter the incubation period of sexual development.
Usually the proportion of boys appearing is higher, that is, the more common "playing chicken", and some baby girls will also appear, which may be manifested as "clamping legs or clipping quilts".
In fact, this is the initial "sexual organ stimulation pleasure", but this feeling is completely unrelated to the "precocious puberty" in the eyes of adults.
It may also be for other reasons that need to be excluded first:
Whether there is discomfort in the private parts
For example, if the baby's private parts appear local redness, swelling, inflammation, it may be urinary tract infection or foreskinitis, eczema and other diseases, this itch and pain, but also let the baby frequent scratching.
Clothing reasons
The size of the panties is not appropriate, the material is uncomfortable, the outer pants are too tight and too tight, and the baby will frequently cut and drag when wearing uncomfortable.
Psychological reasons
When children are stressed or anxious, frequent touching of private parts is also a behavior. For example, recently often ignored, blamed, just started kindergarten (or change schools), or have a problem that they can't solve, etc., children will relieve stress in this way.
Parents should pay attention to the changes in their children in time, give their children enough care, and alleviate their children's anxiety, and the children will slowly get better.
What should parents do when a child touches his private parts?
Although touching the private parts is not a big problem, if the behavior is frequent or improperly cared for, it is likely to cause the child's vaginitis or foreskin scaly deposition, which will have a health impact.
Moreover, long-term laissez-faire will also cause children to habitually masturbate.
Therefore, when the child appears to touch the private parts, we need to guide the child correctly to help the child through this stage.
01
Don't do behaviors that reinforce
After eliminating the above other causes, the first thing we have to do is to be normal.
The meaning of not reinforcing is that do not fight, do not scold, do not rudely stop, do not talk too much about the big truth, and do not remind it repeatedly.
Yes, reasoning and repeated reminders are also a reinforcing behavior for children.
My friend's daughter has a history of leg clamping for up to 5 years, from the child is less than 4 years old, to now more than 8 years old, it is really a summary of blood and tears experience.
At first, it was found that the child was always sandwiching his legs, and the couple was very embarrassed, immediately stopped it, and told the child various truths. Such as unhygienic, privacy, not very good, etc., but the child is still always between the legs, touch the private parts, in order to avoid parents to say, secretly in the house to touch, found to stop, adults as soon as they leave, repeatedly lasted for about 5 years.
Although it has not been tough, but the parents' surprise, worry, anxiety and other emotions are all transmitted to the child, the more the child is afraid and anxious, but the more he cares about this matter, the more difficult it is to ignore.
At first, it may be curiosity, and then there may be habitual actions caused by excessive stress.
Not to mention, many parents find out that they treat it with prejudice:
"Shame on you! Doing this kind of thing at a young age."
"Take your hands away, what a shame, what a shame"
Directly transmitting to the child a concept that this matter is wrong and shameful, so that the baby thinks that the pursuit of self-pleasure is a shameful thing, then the child is easy to associate "physical pleasure" with guilt, the deeper the guilt, the stronger the impulse to indulge in it.
Under this contradictory psychology, children can easily form wrong sexual concepts, and even affect marriage and love in adulthood.
Therefore, when you find that your child has behaviors such as touching private parts, pinching thighs, grinding quilts or toys, do not overreact, please show a calm and natural attitude to prevent psychological pressure on your child.
At the same time, privately and quietly pay attention to the child's state, and judge whether the child is an external cause, a psychological reason, or simply want to touch.
02
Look at your child's behavior on a case-by-case basis
Occasionally touch JJ or pinch the leg:
The best way to do this is to observe in secret.
The child may have just been on a whim, explored, and knew that this was just a normal thing.
Of course, you can also observe when and under what circumstances your child usually appears. At the appropriate time and situation, patiently accompany the child and divert the child's attention.
"Come and listen to my mother tell a story"
"Let's make a game"
He would soon be drawn to something else and forget about it.
Frequent touching of private parts by children:
At this time, parents need to take the initiative to intervene.
For smaller babies under 2 years old, we can simply gently remove our hands and give him a toy to divert our attention. Find something for the child to do, and he will naturally forget about it very quickly.
For older children, even 7 or 8-year-olds, it takes more patience and more companionship from parents to solve this problem. They all understand the reason, and the blocking effect is not too big. (Because even if you stop it in person, your child may still do it behind your back)
Reduce the amount of time your child spends alone, especially in bed when awake. Before going to bed, you can take the initiative to hold your child's small hands to chat, tell stories, help him massage his hands and rub his back until the child falls asleep. The same is true after waking up, avoid lying in bed for too long.
Find ways to distract your child (ibid.).
If simply asking does not divert the child's attention, we can naturally pick up the child and "play with me, watch TV."
This is a very testing moment for parents' acting skills, it must be natural, do not let the child feel that "my parents are very concerned about my private parts".
Help children release more energy, sports, games, crafts, holiday climbing, travel, etc. In short, it is to consume children's energy, shorten the child's boring time, and do not let him idle.
When something more interesting comes along, the child will naturally leave it behind for a while.
At the same time, it is necessary to have an in-depth communication.
Surely the child feels, "It's very comfortable to touch, right, in fact, many people have done this when they were young." Father to son, mother to daughter, one to one.
Saying this can put down the child's psychological burden and pressure, let the child know that this is a very normal thing, and there is no need to feel guilty.
Then make the next appointment:
"Although it is normal, it is a very private thing and cannot be done in front of outsiders." Just like bathing and going to the bathroom, it can't be done in public (children at this age already fully understand that some things should not be done publicly).
Doing this in public is also impolite, offensive to others, and dangerous, and may attract the attention of some ill-intentioned people (pedophiles).
And even if you feel good, you can't do it often, and your body will be tired and will not be able to eat. At the same time, just like washing hands before meals, we must pay attention to hygiene, and we must not be too hard, otherwise the chickens (private parts) will also get sick and hurt. ”
Not negating, not reinforcing, just pertinent explanation of the situation, so that children can weigh and restrain their own behavior.
Touch private parts in public:
Don't stop it directly!
Because it is easy to make children feel ashamed, it directly affects the child's psychology.
Children are still young, self-control and self-privacy protection awareness is still weak, and it is normal to have some misconduct in public.
We can silently pull the child's small hand (as a reminder), or take the initiative to ask the child if he wants to eat some snacks, drink some water, or let the child help to take things, and end the child's behavior by diverting attention.
Normal exploration of the body will not have any adverse effect on the child's health and psychology, and what will really cause harm to the child is the strong negative emotions of the parents.
Therefore, in the face of these behaviors of children, we must treat them normally, do not be too nervous and anxious, you feel that this matter is normal, and the child will look at it normally.
At the same time, when children behave in this way, it also means that it is time for sex education.
Sex education is in place, the child knows enough about his body and sexual safety knowledge, he will explore the body organs less curiously, and all problems will be solved.