"Semi-Familiar Lovers" is a love variety show of Tencent, which focuses on the love of 30+ mature men and women, and also sets up six "semi-familiar observers".
At the beginning of the episode, three of the four female guests were invited by at least one male guest, but it was Lola, the spokesperson of the "atmosphere group".
At the beginning, the male and female guests are more restrained, and Lola is more lively.
Be the first to introduce yourself when chatting with everyone and guide everyone to get to know each other.
From the beginning of the show, she did not shy away from expressing her good feelings for the No. 1 male guest Yu Yue.
Knowing that the other party was a dentist, Lola joked during the meal that she asked him to see how her half tooth was.
After eating, Yu Yue chose to walk with Zhou Nan, a dance teacher who had a good feeling at the time, and Lola also struggled to join the dialogue.
But in the invitation session of the boys later, Yu Yue did not choose Lola, but chose Zhou Nan.
Because Of the single, Lola plucked up the courage to choose male guests and found that the other party had a date and bid farewell with dignity.
Lola called a friend and asked if she wanted to adjust.
Girlfriend said: "It's good to be yourself, why do you have to adjust with others?" And cheered Lola on.
Lola sighed, "Everyone likes you, but no one will love you." ”
This sad statement makes everyone wonder: Don't funny women deserve love?
When she didn't meet the guests, Lola was very lively and told a rap that made people curious about her profession.
What does the real Lola look like?
When everyone was dating, she was single and made her own food, and at that moment she was the real Lola, a little stubborn, introverted, and sensitive.
Lola is like a kind of girl we see in our daily life, usually showing a big grin, looking familiar and lively;
Group activities often show a big grin, a sense of humor can be called the atmosphere group responsibility, in fact, the above are their protective colors.
Their hearts are nervous and uneasy, afraid of not being liked by others, and even a little flattering personality.
Yu Yue initially rejected Lola, but when she ended her meeting with Zhou Nan later, she found that she didn't seem to call Zhou Nan so much.
When she saw Lola again, Yu Yue wanted to help Lola make dinner with a handle, but was refused.
Lola showed a sense of distance, and Yu Yue released more and more goodwill signals in the follow-up.
When Lola didn't pay so much attention to the boy, she unexpectedly attracted the object she once had a crush on.
Does a boy like a girl who doesn't like him? Of course not.
Later, Lola put down the deliberate and lively protective color, showing more and more attractive qualities, and pried the heart of the male guests.
Speaking of which, when in love, do you have to be the real self or the you he likes?
Wang Ziwen's words are sober on earth:
"Being true to yourself is the best version of yourself, because the person he likes is you, not you, what's the use of you making him like?"
Fortunately, Lola has a reliable girlfriend by her side to cheer her up.
She behaved more and more freely in the follow-up of the show, more and more "Lola", not deliberately pleasing anyone, and being the real self.
The whole person relaxed, followed by a reversal, and both guests desperately showed favor to her.
The first step in wanting a man to go from cold to loving is to be true to himself.
The benefits are threefold: you can attract people who really like you and filter out the unsuitable; you can find yourself confident and shining; and you can better accept the strengths and weaknesses.
01
Filter out the unsuitable
People with a flattering personality will initially arm themselves with a cheerful, lively, big grin image.
But in fact, I am not such a person, and it will be very painful over time.
Everyone longs deep down to be understood and understood, and we must be brave enough to make our true selves easier to see.
Instead of turning off your preferences, as the other person goes, you will lose your unique personality.
Some girls went on blind dates, met more than a dozen people, each of them did not call, and began to reflect on whether there was anything wrong with themselves.
In fact, it's normal for someone not to call with themselves, just look for the next one.
Don't try to get into trouble with the wrong person just because you're having a little trouble finding the right person.
One of my clients, Xiao You, talked about her boyfriend and said that he didn't like him because he looked honest and good-tempered and good to himself, and didn't look like he would cheat.
If we talk about marriage together just because of these, then the risk of future marriage is very large.
Because, the premise of happiness in a long-term relationship is mutual appreciation.
Education, looks, talents, good financial conditions, etc., at least look for a trait that has nothing to do with "being good to you".
It is too easy to disguise yourself and honesty, and if you are not good after marriage and have a bad temper, then this person has no advantage in your heart.
Being with someone you don't appreciate enough will only be filled with disgust and pain.
02
Find yourself shining with confidence
Zhang Ailing said that if she likes a person, she will become very low and low, low to the dust, and blossom.
Like an excellent boy, some girls will feel a little inferior in their hearts, do not know how to do themselves to stand out from the girls around him, be noticed.
Like Lola in "Half-Acquainted Lovers", she was not easy to be noticed, but she almost became a big brother because of her shallow words.
Be true to yourself, focus on yourself, focus on self-improvement and your feelings.
Such a girl is very attractive in the eyes of boys.
What if we see a boy and think that the other person doesn't like him?
Just thinking about how to make him like himself, in fact, when you think so, you are already behind.
In order to make the other party like himself and desperately be good to him, the boy will only be moved in the end and will not love a girl because she is good to him.
03
Better embrace the strengths and weaknesses
Some people can't be real themselves and worry about their real selves that no one likes.
These girls are often excellent but not happy in themselves, and they are eager to use a magnifying glass to find shortcomings and then try to avoid hiding shortcomings.
In fact, no one is perfect, and occasionally show a little shortcoming, and the other party will feel that you are more grounded and more real.
We don't have to be afraid of exposing our shortcomings, which are not our weaknesses.
Accept yourself before you can talk about being accepted by others.
XiaoLing 30 years old can not get off the single, she blamed herself divorced, abandoned by boys, everywhere in the relationship to please the opposite sex, but did not get love favor.
Later, Xiao Ling focused on her work and met mr. Now at an event.
Frankly said that he had experienced a marriage, so he was very cautious about the choice of the other half.
She did not marry herself hastily because she had divorced, and carefully examined the palace of marriage with Her Husband, and her caution also won the respect of boys.
It is not enough to win the boy's heart by being true to yourself, and two people must know how to find a balance between altruism and self-interest in contact.
The characteristic of the flattering personality is to suppress one's own needs and only want to make others happy.
Too altruistic will only lose himself, too good to others, and the other party will be taken for granted for a long time.
The second step is to learn to refuse appropriately.
Xiaoli had children after marriage, and she was distressed that her husband was tired from work, so she took the initiative to take care of housework and childcare.
At the beginning, the husband was very moved, and complained for a long time that Xiaoli was fat, did not pay attention to dressing, and the company's annual meeting was not willing to take her out, and the emotional concentration was much lower.
I gave Xiaoli a trick to let her husband take the baby at home on the weekend and hang out with her little sisters.
Xiaoli fiercely said that she wanted to travel with her sisters, so she handed over the child to her husband on Friday and returned on Sunday.
The husband took Xiaoli's hand and said, "This family really can't live without you." ”
There is no direct empathy than to let him experience the same experience.
Husbands who have done housework with their children realize that these things are not so easy, so they instinctively have respect and a higher sense of need for their wives, knowing that they cannot live without their wives.
In the third step, echoing the other person's emotions is more attractive than solving the problem.
In the TV series "You Are My Glory", Xia Qing, as an ex, wants to get back together, and specially flies to Shanghai to find YuTu, but begins to feel superior.
She knew that Yu Tu had invested in the resume of the investment bank, saying that she had many years of experience in the bank and could give him free consultation.
In fact, she ignored the reasons behind Yu Tu's desire to jump ship.
Two people communicate chicken and duck talk, taste the same chewing wax.
Qiao Jingjing heard that Yu Tu had changed his career, and she felt sorry for him in her heart.
Jingjing had the ability to help him, but she didn't, she knew that yutu didn't need this.
Rather, someone understood and supported his decision, affirmed the space career he had done in the past, and told him how meaningful it was.
Jingjing's emotional echo touched Yu Tu, and when he was alone, he silently listened to Jingjing's voice repeatedly.
Wu Guijun's poem "Like a Person" mentions: "Liking a person begins with appearance, falling into talent, and being loyal to character." ”
Two people can develop for a long time, the relationship is getting better and better, it is inevitable that each other has entered each other's hearts.
At the beginning of the meeting to see the superficial conditions, height, looks, education, work, the real can enter the deep communication of the person is really worth the person who has been together.
When we can be true to ourselves, know how to reject appropriately, and echo each other's emotions, we will find the right person faster.
The author | Lu Meiran, doctor of psychology, marriage and family counselor, good at emotional management, emotional intelligence improvement, focus on female growth, accompany you to be the master of emotions, and become a better self.