Recently, the urban emotional drama "Our Marriage" starring Bai Baihe, Jiang Xin and Tong Da has been a hit. In the first episode of the opening chapter, the mode of getting along between several couples hid a crisis, which triggered a heated discussion among netizens.
However, in addition to topics such as working women and full-time mothers, in fact, the parenting methods of these families are also very worthy of our attention.
(Image from the Internet)
Shen Huixing, played by Bai Baihe, is a woman who pursues ideals and dares to love and hate. After graduation, she chose to have children at home. The husband is busy at work, and his life is almost "widowed", but on the issue of her daughter's education, Shen Huixing has her own set of methods.
The other family, Dong Sijia (Jiang Xin), is another model. The wife is determined in the workplace, and the part of the family is taken care of by Kochi's father. The details of this father's education of his son have also brought reflection to many parents.
01
It's not scary to hit a wall, give yourself another chance
In the first episode, Shen Huixing's family, who had just moved, encountered a neighbor who "clashed". It turned out that the daughter was playing in the community and met the "little bully". A little boy grabbed a toy with her, and the two argued fiercely.
(Image from the Internet)
Shen Huixing, who was taking care of the moving matter, had actually been observing. Even Grandpa couldn't look at it anymore, worried that his granddaughter and a girl couldn't beat the boy, and wanted to go forward and fight.
At this time, Shen Huixing stepped forward to stop her father, saying: "Let the children handle their own affairs." ”
(Image from the Internet)
I have to say that this mother is really "big heart". Seeing their children being bullied, who is not the first to come forward to protect them, let alone girls?
However, Shen Huixing chose to give her daughter a little time and space to deal with it herself. Later, her daughter's toys were snatched away, and she was so sad that she came forward to inquire.
The child said very aggrievedly, "Mom, I don't want to live here anymore." After Shen Huixing understood the child's situation, he said: "It's okay baby, this is a very small thing, we can solve it." ”
The "little bully" in this neighborhood not only snatched the girl's toys, but also occupied the slide and other public facilities, and spoke wildly. Shen Huixing did not go directly to his parents to theorize, but tried to communicate with the little boy.
After seeing that the child was facing a great enemy and refused to communicate, Shen Huixing called on friends and let the other children play "Eagle Catching Chickens" together. The little boy soon felt lonely and wanted to participate in the game. Shen Huixing naturally made the boy and the other children apologize one by one. My daughter was also smiling at this time, because in the new environment, she could make a lot of friends.
Shen Huixing can appropriately turn a blind eye when the child is in conflict, and at the same time perceive the child's emotions in time, make demonstrations and guidance. I have to say that this is really a mother full of wisdom.
On the road to growth, children inevitably run into walls everywhere. At this time, parents must not overstep their bounds and encroach on the opportunity for their children to try on their own. Because these details of life have a lot to do with a person's psychological tenacity.
Miriam Yang once shared a parenting point of view on the variety show: "How to fall down, not afraid of pain, keep running up, that is your success." ”
No matter how high or low the starting point of the child is born, what can really make the child run "steadily" is the tenacity to try after hitting the wall.
And let the child try again, but also have a degree. Tian Hongjie, an expert in child psychology, said: "If children can't do it many times, they will have 'learned helplessness', and they must see the child's 'difficulty' and build a ladder to help them do it." ”
The so-called learned helplessness means that the child's goal is too high and the parents need to lower the fence. Just like Shen Huixing, when the child feels powerless, help the child to overcome the setback, in order to truly experience the sense of power of "doing it again".
02
Look at things from a speculative perspective and break through appearances
So, when a child does something, the feedback received is not good, and how to deal with it?
Dong Sijia's informing her husband gave a great reference. The son and dad do experiments together to see if the sun-dried desert roses can be revived in water.
After a long period of observation and waiting, the desert roses, which at first took on the form of hay, finally took on life. The experiment was successful, roses were resurrected, and when the son excitedly told his mother the news, he was evaluated as "isn't this just an ugly lichen".
When the child heard his mother's words, he was obviously very frustrated. At night, before going to bed, the father and son seriously discussed the issue.
He told the child: "The mother is different from what we see, she only sees the phenomenon itself, but what we see is behind the phenomenon, we know where it starts." ”
Hearing this, the child thought about it and said, "At first it was a clump of lifeless hay. ”
Dad then said, "Yes." So we know where it came from. In our value judgments, the resurrection of the Jericho Rose is particularly magical, and its beauty is earth-shattering. ”
This Kochi father communicates with his children like adults, and uses speculative methods to let children learn to look at problems through appearances.
Dong Sijia felt very sorry, but she also had some doubts that her son could understand her husband's teachings.
The son replied, "I can understand!" In fact, Sijia's son grew up well under the company and education of his father, and he also loved to observe and think.
Forward-thinking parents will pay more attention to cultivating their children's critical thinking ability.
Half of the world's Nobel laureates are Germans, because German education attaches great importance to the cultivation of speculative spirit. In the same way, Yale University has also emphasized the educational philosophy: do not let students become "excellent sheep", that is, smart and diligent, but blindly obedient.
Similarly, since 2018, the mainland has included critical thinking ability in talent training goals. In fact, we do not expect children to achieve much in the academic field, but there is no doubt that the ability to think critically will be an important core competitiveness in the future.
So, what is speculation? It includes the pursuit of truth, the spirit of skepticism and the spirit of positivism. In daily parent-child companionship and communication, we can use the "seven pairs of glasses method" to activate the child's thinking process from reading.
These seven pairs of glasses are the seven angles that inspire children to think, namely: true and false, gain and loss, size, positive and negative, length, primary and secondary, before and after. When discussing the story with the child, we can use this contrasting perspective to ask the child's point of view, which not only helps the child strengthen and deepen the understanding of the content, but also promotes the child's imagination.
03
Girls, you can also solve puzzles independently
Finally, there is also a lot of discussion in the show about raising girls. Shen Huixing herself is very good, but due to an unexpected pregnancy, she chose to get married and raise a baby after graduation, and briefly gave up the workplace.
Six years of full-time housewife experience has made it particularly difficult for her to return to the workplace. She was ready to lower her requirements and start with an intern, but she was still facing real problems that were difficult to avoid, and she lost six battles.
But this time back to the workplace, she was bound to win, after a wide range of channels, finally got a job expected.
In order to allow herself to enter the job smoothly, Shen Huixing also arranged for her daughter to enroll in advance. At first, the daughter was embarrassed and asked her mother, "Can I?" ”
Shen Huixing chose to encourage the child, she told the child: "Whether a person can do it, can not rely on others to judge." ”
Just like the current Shen Huixing, eager to return to his own stage, he tried his best to fight for it: whether he can or not, only he has the final say.
The demonstration made by the mother herself gave her daughter a great encouragement to hold sugar, and she confidently replied, "Mom, I can do it." ”
We have to admit that for a long time to come, girls will continue to experience unfair treatment and competition in society. But when the child is young, tell her: through their own efforts to question and fight, everything is more persistent, more stubborn, the girls will get more strength, the situation will also go in the direction of improvement.
Today, the value of women can no longer be measured by the value of marriage and childbearing alone. We're seeing more and more women shine in their fields:
Astronaut Wang Yaping, female principal Zhang Guimei, outstanding sports Gu Ailing...
These feminine forces are inspiring us, as well as our next generation: girls, too, can solve difficult problems independently and do things very well.
Giving girls more confidence and respect is an important issue that cannot be avoided in raising both boys and girls.
Psychologists have summarized that the three factors that make children happy are: conformity, acceptance, and balance.
For children, they have their own growth rhythm, do not force them to be independent too early, do not deprive them of the opportunity to try, is "conformity".
Respecting the child's talent and moderately guiding the child to develop the habit of thinking is "acceptance".
As for "balance", it means to give children a full sense of dependence, use their own strength to make children feel "safe", and after letting go, they will be confident and independent.
You tell me?
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