Blogger @Chao Dad Professor Liu often shares the daily life of his family of four.
Every time the two daughters did not want to write homework or play mobile phones, Professor Liu and his daughters had several verbal battles to gain the upper hand.
In the end, it is up to the mother to appear in order to calm the child.
The mother is the right to speak in the family, and the father often coaxes and comforts the daughter after the mother has educated the child.
Many mothers have said in their comments that they are also "playing bad people" at home, and their husbands only care about maintaining the image of a good father in front of their children.
Now many families around me are homeschooled and strict, and the father is responsible for coaxing the baby and playing with it.
Everyone has changed the traditional "strict father and mother" model and opened a new type of family education of "strict mother and loving father".
So which model is more suitable for educating children?
The mother is too "kind" to make rules for the baby
On which education model is better, Professor Li Meijin gave the answer as early as an episode of the program.
A long time ago, we have been complaining about the parenting model of "tiger mother and cat father", always thinking that the mother should be gentle, and the father should maintain the image of the majesty of the man.
In fact, today, this division of labor has long ceased to be practical.
Girlfriend Xiaoxiao is a full-time mother, and she and her mother-in-law take care of all the children's daily life.
Xiao Xiao's own personality is very gentle, speaking softly, and treating children with extra meticulousness and patience.
Her mother-in-law treats her children and is also spoiled, and almost all requests are met in time.
But they gradually found that they had no right to speak in front of the child, and when the child made a mistake and disobeyed, they did not pay attention to their words at all.
Xiao Xiao was very troubled by this, worried that many of the child's bad habits could not be corrected in time.
Finally, I consulted with an education expert and learned that the problem was that she was too "loving".
Children are natural diplomats, they can clearly distinguish who in the family is "the best to talk", and then they will play tricks on this person.
Children's bad tempers are habitual.
The mother always maintains a loving and gentle attitude, there is no fixed educational stance, and the child will not only go in and out of your left ear and right ear, but even bully you in turn.
As the old saying goes, persimmons should be picked and pinched softly, and children often roll with their mothers and grandmothers, which is the principle.
Once watched the news of a 6-year-old boy gambling on popsicles.
Because his mother would not let him play with his mobile phone, the little boy threatened to eat 100 popsicles to "freeze himself to death", making his mother regret it.
Who knew that his mother was not used to him at all, and really bought 100 ice creams.
The little boy broke down and cried after trying to eat 3.
Chen Mama admires this mother's approach, has principles, does not show weakness, and has a firm educational stance.
For the child's sprinkling and rolling, many mothers are easy to be soft-hearted, and as a result, a compromise makes the child think that there is room for maneuver every time, thus becoming more intense.
Yan Mu does not really want to become a fierce image like "Tiger Mother", but means to have a firm attitude towards problems.
As Professor Li Meijin said:
"As a mother, you have to be bold. It's that I say I'm here, and you don't want to do anything with me. ”
A principled mother is the key to helping her child establish rules.
Don't indulge your child's life because of your kindness.
The father is too "strict" to destroy the child's self-confidence
If you still think that Dad should be strict, then look at the father and son below, and you will change your mind.
In the variety show "Where Did Daddy Go 6", Yang Shuo took his 7-year-old son Yang Yuchen to open a military training education, which really made everyone feel a "suffocating father's love".
● When getting off the bus, go in the opposite direction of yourself, and order the child to re-walk;
● The son is not skilled in folding clothes, directly staring and yelling;
● The son is unwell because of altitude sickness, not only does not hug, but also directly leaves, the child walks slowly and has been urged;
● The son made a mistake and directly let him run to the mouth of the village and then run back...
After the whole program, it was rare to see a smile on Yang Yuchen's face.
It's more of a lack of control and a lack of voice.
Yang Shuo's love for his son is certain, but the method is not appropriate.
Too strict father's love will destroy the child's self-confidence, let the child feel a strong sense of oppression, and easily make the child introverted, cowardly, and inferior.
In front of the strict father, the child does not dare to show his personality, does not dare to express his own ideas, and in the long run, it is not conducive to the development of parent-child relationship.
On the other hand, Xia Donghai in "Family with Children" is the "daddy ceiling" in many people's minds.
No matter what mistakes the children make, it is as if Dad is always on his side, like his buddies.
But dads, who seem to have no family status, are the most effective at talking at home.
It is precisely because Dad is kind and righteous and approachable, so the children will say anything to him, whether it is good or bad, they will discuss it with Dad.
Every time after being reprimanded by her mother Liu Mei, she will also take the initiative to make guarantees and changes under the communication of her father, and strive to become better.
In this comparison, it is obviously the role of a loving father, which is more suitable for us to raise a baby.
We often say that the father is like a mountain, like a tree, and the father is not only the pillar of the family, but also the strongest reliance in the child's heart.
The really powerful father is not how loud or how hard his fists are, but how broad-minded he is.
Respect for the wife, patience with the children, filial piety to the parents, and gentleness at all times.
Children who grow up around such fathers will be more confident and kind.
How effective is the combination of "strict mother and loving father", just look at this clip.
When her daughter Dora accidentally hit other children in kindergarten, her mother directly pointed out: "Pushing other children down, you must apologize." ”
At this time, the child's heart is unconvinced, and rejected the mother's request, at this time the father's appearance is very critical.
Crouch down, patiently tell the daughter the reason for the apology, and comfort the daughter, let her take the initiative to apologize and reconcile with the child.
In fact, raising a baby is skilled.
During the New Year, Fifi played with each other's toys without the permission of her good friend, so she quarreled with her good friend.
I said to Fifi, "You play with other people's things, but others don't want to share it with you, it's normal to be sad, you should say sorry to her." ”
But Fifi thinks that her friend is reluctant to share it with her, which makes her very sad, so she is also unwilling to reconcile.
At this time, the egg daddy stood up and gently comforted Fifi:
"I know the baby didn't mean it, but the last time Dad secretly used Mom's skin care products, didn't you also point out what was wrong with Dad?" Therefore, Teacher Fifi can not accompany her father to correct it, and her father knows that Fifi is the most sensible right. ”
As soon as the egg daddy got out, Fifi immediately apologized to the children and promised me that next time I would ask the children's opinions first, and then play.
In a family, there is always one person between the parents who dresses up with a red face and one who wears a white face.
One person directly hits the problem, one person follows the good temptation, grasps this balance, and can go all the way on the road of raising children.
"Strictness" is not fierce and rude, but the stance and attitude of education should be firm and the bottom line should be clear.
"Kindness" is not coddling and compromise, but rational and kind, patient and loving to children.
Whether it is "strict mother and loving father" or "loving mother and strict father", no matter what combination and combination of parents are, it is only parents who show different positions when educating their children.
Parents should adopt appropriate educational methods according to the child's personality, and strict kindness is the most conducive way to the child's growth.
As long as our husband and wife make up for each other, cooperate with each other, and participate in the education of their children, it is the most ideal family education.