Those children who are delayed in growing up, rebel in adulthood

An ordinary woman opens a "chicken blood" life; a yard farmer yearns for an idyllic life; a girl insists on finding fairy tales in the adult world... When you run into walls in the adult world, ask yourself: Should I grow up?

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The "chicken blood" life of an ordinary woman

Yujia is an ordinary woman, with an ordinary origin, an ordinary job, an ordinary family, and after accidental contact with some kind of course, her life begins to become no longer "ordinary".

The change first happened in her circle of friends. The golden sentence replaces the daily triviality, and the course testimonial replaces the street food and the smiling faces of the family. Her language and behavior also began to stride forward, and every day she was highly motivated, like playing chicken blood, she talked about her course experience and life changes. She resigned from the coveted state unit and joined the course team without hesitation to become a salesman. People around her began to avoid her, her family thought she was crazy, and Yuja became rebellious. This process took only 3 months.

When Yuja sat down in front of me, she had already shed her initial excitement and showed the anxiety of an "ordinary" woman. "I really don't understand what the hell is going on? Why don't they accept my change, don't everyone want me to be a little better! ”

"By better than that, I mean..." I looked tentatively at Yuja, who was slightly annoyed in his worries.

"Just don't do anything so inactively, be like an ant!"

"What kind of life are you looking forward to?"

"You can live more meaningfully, you can help more people, you can play more value..." Yu Jia's tone was a little excited.

"Is it important for you to live such a life?"

"Not only for me, I think it's important to anyone! Over the past 30 years, I have been too cautious and a waste of time! ”

Speaking of the past, Yuja is full of resentment. Her parents are realistic conservative people who want their daughter's life to be safe and worry-free. From an early age, Every choice of Yujia is considered by her parents, and every step of life is the result of careful consideration by her parents. This kind of day may be envied by some people, but it makes Yujia feel that there is always a tight curse, full of constraints.

"I believe that the current 'awakening' is a huge change for you and your family, do you care about your family's attitude towards it?"

"Yes, I care. I know they love me, but I also want them to support me in being a better version of myself, not just shaping a safe me as they want. ”

"They're a little worried about you, aren't they?"

"Yes, especially after I resigned, they were worried about my future life. No matter how I explain it, they can't understand it. ”

"Are you worried about yourself?"

"To be honest, I have too, after all, I have never been in such an uncertain situation. ”

"So your parents' worries are not entirely unreasonable."

"I admit it, but I need them more now to support me and understand me..." Yuja exclaimed, "No matter what the future holds, I would like to try a different life." Life is so many decades, I don't want to just take such a step to get old. I also want to take risks, try to challenge, I want to jump out of my comfort zone when I have a little courage... I'm 30 years old, and if I don't jump again, I'm afraid I won't have a chance..."

That day, Yuja cried for a long time, and the emotions that had been held in her heart for a long time poured out with tears. I gradually understood that Yu jia's enthusiasm in these 3 months was not only encouraged by the course, but more importantly, her unwillingness to break through the "shackles" of life.

"What do you think now?" When Yuja calmed down, I asked her softly.

"I think my parents may be too demanding..." Yuja told me in a calm tone that she knew what to do, what kind of life to live was her own business, and should not expect too much from others. At the same time, she is also responsible for her "adventure", she will re-plan her future career, and give an account to her family.

Almost half of the time in this consultation was spent in Yujia's crying, and the cathartic process restored Yujia's rationality. The ancients said "thirty and standing", and 30-year-old Yujia is struggling to regain the autonomy of life in a fierce way, and the conflict struggle is full of vitality. When independence and responsibility come at the same time, choosing independence means choosing to bear one's own responsibility. Sometimes growing up is a decision, and at the moment when Yuja ends crying, a weak and dependent "little girl" quietly disappears, and an independent and brave young life begins.

An idyllic pastoral that a yard farmer aspires to

"Sometimes I think it's ridiculous myself, but I just don't feel willing, is it really impossible for a person to live the life he likes?!"

Qin Chuan wears a gray Chinese-style top with a white collarless shirt at the neckline, a small flat head that is clean and tidy, and a pair of glasses that are polite and polite. Coupled with fat Chinese pants and a red scarf put aside, it is full of literary style.

"Men are afraid of entering the wrong line", Qin Chuan may belong to the wrong line, and always feel out of place in the position of programmer. Finally, one day, he chose to leave. Not only resigned, but also left for a long way to pursue the "poetry and distance" in his heart.

In the distant Dali of Yunnan, Qin Chuan began to yearn for an idyllic pastoral life, he not only rented a house, but also opened a small shop, dealing in local specialties and what he felt was special. He also opened his own online shop, built a customer base, and participated in local field markets. But the beauty of the circle of friends cannot erase the sloppiness of reality, and the life that cannot make ends meet is soon unsustainable.

"Being forced to come back is really helpless, but I can't always borrow money to maintain my romance, I need money." 」 Qin Chuan lived a two-point and one-line code farmer life again, and what could not go back was the feeling of freedom and casualness. It didn't take long to quit, change companies, and still can't adapt.

"So I'm wondering if I can live the life I love?" he asked.

"Since you don't like the work of a programmer, how did you think about it when choosing a major?" I asked.

"It is not the traditional standard for finding a job, choosing science is for good employment, and choosing computers is also for good employment." Alas, employment is employment, but I always feel that it is not my life. ”

"If you were free to choose, what kind of major would you choose?"

"I would choose liberal arts, literature, philosophy, or art if I didn't think about money."

"If you had chosen these majors, would your life be any different today?"

"Probably yes, it's not easy to say, maybe I'm struggling to find a job!" I also met some people who are engaged in art in Yunnan, and they don't necessarily have a good life. ”

"It doesn't seem like it's necessarily a matter of professionalism."

"Yes, the main thing is whether you have the ability to live the life you want."

"Then what abilities do you need to live the life you want?"

"The easiest thing is to have savings." A life that is free to do and not too tired must at least have a certain economic foundation, otherwise it is difficult. ”

"So what do you think?"

"I can only come back and earn money."

"If you put it this way, your current job is fundamentally different from the work you did before you left."

Qin Chuan looked at me a little puzzled.

"Your previous job was just a safe choice for employment's sake, and coming back to work now is a preparation for your ideal life."

"You're saying that, but it does mean different things." Qin Chuan nodded thoughtfully.

"If that's the case, then your work goals and status should be different."

"You're right, I came back more in a state of loss and complaint, but I didn't think about the significance of the job for my ideal life. You reminded me that I want to rethink my current job. ”

Next, I did a goal and step analysis with Qin Chuan. Qin Chuan's state changed from helplessness and loss to excitement. He prepared a trilogy for the ideal life: the first is to struggle, using his professional ability to obtain some savings; the second is to accumulate, through learning investment and other open source knowledge, accumulate ability, so that he can make more adequate preparations; the third is information collection, constantly discovering the possibilities and ways to live an ideal life, opening up ideas, and finding more practical ways.

"Do you have anything to remind yourself of during this process?" I asked.

"The most important thing I need to remind myself is: be steady, not in a hurry; second, be patient and hopeful." He replied.

"It was great! I may now ask you the other way around: Can you live your ideal life? ”

"I can." When he said this, Qin Chuan's eyes flashed with confidence.

Pastoral pastoral, since ancient times, has been people's yearning, this kind of away from the world is actually a kind of escape, no longer have to face the unwilling to do, do not have to see the unwanted people. However, every kind of life has a price, the world has the hardships of the world, and the countryside has its own pastoral difficulties. If this is clearly thought out, the choice becomes easy. Qin Chuan's answer is actually in his heart, when he gives up self-hatred and returns to the perspective of reason, he will find that life is just a choice, the question is whether you know the price you need to pay when you choose, whether you are willing to accept this price, and have the ability to bear it.

A fairy tale that never existed

"I grew up watching cartoons and now I'm addicted to it. The cartoons I like are not what children watch now, but the kind that is very simple and beautiful... Can you understand this character of mine? "As soon as Leqi came up, he threw out questions, but I felt a desire to be understood.

"Are you saying you yearn for something simple and beautiful?"

"Yes, very pure!"

Leqi comes from a nonprofit organization and has chosen a nonprofit for a limited career. Although the salary is low, she still wanders in this circle.

"Some people say that I have dedication, only I know that I am pursuing a pure spiritual world, but after so many years, I finally see more and more that it does not exist..." Leqi's fantasy of perfection for non-profit institutions is constantly and cruelly broken by reality, 5 years and 4 institutions, none of which are as perfect as she expected. She wants to quit, but where to go?

"Can you tell me what your ideal pure world looks like?" I asked.

"Just like Miyazaki's cartoons, every frame is so beautiful and flawless." She said.

"Can you be specific?"

"Even though there will be difficulties and bad things happening, the people inside have the ideal of simple justice, help each other, are very united, and have no selfishness..."

"Why do you want them to be so 'pure'?"

"Hmmm... It's more comfortable to interact with such 'pure' people... It won't hurt. Leqi replied thoughtfully.

"What did you think?" After a little waiting, I asked softly.

Leqi told me that she remembered that when she was a child, she was misunderstood by her teachers and classmates because of the selfishness of her good friends. She was aggrieved, but she couldn't defend herself. So, she stopped making friends and just buried herself in studying and watching cartoons. It was also from then on that she decided to pursue one in the future

A "pure" life, no longer with "complex" and "hypocritical" people.

"Is that why you've been choosing a nonprofit?"

"Yes, I think people who can choose to do public welfare will always be more 'pure'."

"Would you be more comfortable with them?"

"No, I find that they still have selfish intentions, and some people have less simple purposes, and there will be comparison and competition."

"What do you want them to look like?"

"Very simple, no selfishness, bright and just, for the sake of others..."

"Is it the same as you?"

"Me? I can't do this..." Leqi shook his head with some embarrassment, "I also have a lot of selfishness and small ideas, sometimes I use some tricks, and my motivation to join these institutions myself is not so pure..."

"But you want them to be 'pure.'" I smiled and looked at Leqi.

"Well..." Leqi was even more embarrassed, "I'm a little strong... Am I being too selfish? ”

"Why?"

"I seem to be asking others from my own standpoint..."

As her gaze shifted from others to herself, Leqi dissected herself, and she found herself living in the hurts she had suffered in elementary school, always looking for a safe, simple relationship.

"There is no perfect world, because there is no perfect self. The 'purity' I aspire to is actually my escape from the real world. Teacher, I think I should grow up! ”

From a wounded child to a rational professional, Richie has experienced an inner breakthrough. We can't choose the past, but we can choose how to interpret and digest the stories of the past. A person's professional life is likely to be an extension of this interpretation, when Leqi turned the undesirable complaints to internal reflection, the inner growth occurred, and Leqi also made his own career plan more objectively. Perspective determines the direction of the story, and a traumatic experience may shape a fragile heart, but it may also forge a brave soul.

Delay growing up, but also to grow up

There are always some children around us who grow up late, and some are still the children of "other people's families", they are well-behaved, sensible, obedient, maybe not so good, but always let the adults worry. They may have some different thoughts in their hearts, and they may have some discomfort, but the habitual "obedience" makes them grow up quietly, until one day the inner "discomfort" accumulates to a certain extent, and it is unexpectedly explosive.

Yu Jia and Qin Chuan were such children. They are obedient, for the sake of their parents' expectations, in order to be able to find a stable life safely, they compromise with their parents. But when some kind of stimulus is generated, their lives begin to change dramatically. Yu Jia was inspired by a training and began to rush out of the comfort zone and challenge the "arranged" life; Qin Chuan had to look directly at his inner desire in the tasteless workplace. Whether it is resignation or going away, it is an escape, an escape from the fate that was once unable to be autonomous, an escape from a life full of compromises; but it is also a struggle for growth, a rebellious way to feel their independence and growth.

The appearance is fierce, but the heart is the joy and anxiety, the worry about the new life, the doubt about one's own ability, the fragility of frustration, the grievance of not understanding... Life is not either/or, out of the confusion of A, the challenge of B will follow. And learn to face the challenge of B, growth can really come.

Unlike Youjia and Qin Chuan, Leqi has always refused to grow up, and she hides in the fairytale world inside, trying not to listen, not to see or touch everything that is real. But as a member of society, even if you hide in the most "pure" corner, you can still see too much "pure". Disappointed, complained, but there was nowhere to escape. She had to face herself, had to step out of the fictional fairy corner and accept the same imperfect real world as herself.

If Youjia and Qin Chuan took the initiative to grow up, then Leqi had to grow up because he refused to grow up. Although they missed adolescence and missed the budding period of their first entry into the workplace, they eventually grew up. The common denominator of this growth is to take your eyes back from the outside to your own heart, to change yourself from complaining to taking responsibility, from dependence to independence.

Delay growing up, but also to grow up, some of the problems of growth we will eventually be difficult to avoid. When you're running into walls and getting discouraged in the adult world, you can also ask yourself: Should I grow up? (Lin Xin)